being made to eat all those crumbs and sick shit in your keyboard after cleaning it out

falling off a building and thinking you're going to die but actually it's a fake building and it's only about 2 feet off the ground but you screamed anyways on the way down and now everyone is staring at you thinking what a stupid loser you are for falling and screaming like that

sewing machines that start up at night when they're not even plugged in and when you go down to check it out, it stops... then when you wake up the next day you realize that you don't even OWN a sewing machine and when you go to look again it's gone

trying to open stupid chip bags that refuse to open and when they do they explode all over the place... then, as you're trying to pick up all the chips off your floor, you step on them making an ever bigger mess

sneezing and having the snot fly into your hair but you don't know it until someone tells you

constantly forgetting someone's name and you see them every day

getting your coffee and they've forgotten to put sugar in it

having papercuts on your hands and you don't know it until you get soap in them

lighting a candle and burning yourself in the process

reaching out for your morning coffee and spilling it onto the floor so you have to suck it out of the carpet

moldy donuts that start rotting from the inside so you don't realize it until you've eaten half

stinky dirty pads getting stuck to the bottom of your garbage pail

pissing your pants at work and having to sit in your own piss for awhile until you can escape and change them

when you go to sit down and you don't notice the huge spike pointing out of the chair

Being told not to 'come around here anymore' by your parents when all you wanted was some food because you're too lazy to make it yourself.

Cold coffee that tricks you into thinking it will taste better once warmed up but it doesn't.

Trying to use a can opener that only mauls the can and doesn't ever actually open it in a useable way.

Mickey mouse clocks that co workers put up in their office and it goes off every hour.

Pretzels that have sugar on them instead of salt.

Microwaves that turn everything into molten lava, even if it's just in there for a second.

Having jagged fingernails that get caught on everything.

Sitting in a room where there are toxic chemicals but no one tells you and you're just sitting there wondering what that smell is.

Waiting for dawn and it never comes.

Stale crackers that are now chewy instead of crispy.

Computers that just suddenly blow up, taking out your desk and everything on it.

Smoke detectors that are unsafe because they start wailing away at the thought of smoke.

False positives.

False negatives.

Emoticons on Yahoo Messenger because there are none giving the finger.

Dance music that starts playing out of nowhere and just after you start dancing along, it suddenly stops and everyone is staring at you like you're a freak.

Wheelchairs that make a loud squeaky noise every time the wheel spins and the person in it likes it that way. Then when they're asleep and you try to make it not squeak anymore, it just ends up getting worse.

When commercials lie and say a new episode of your favorite show will be on and then when you watch it, it's just a shitty old rerun.

Jump suits made of itchy material but you're forced into it anyway.

Pens that have the cap of one color and when you go to use it, it turns out to be another.

Days that look bright and sunny but when you go outside it's horribly cold.

Aloe plants that look real until you accidentally knock it over and discover it's really just cleverly shaped wax.

Flowers that creep into your bedroom at night and shoot pollen up your nose so you wake up feeling shitty.

Ice patches that don't look like ice until you step on it and fall.

Explosions that give everyone else interesting scars and all you get are lots of broken bones and a disfigured face.

Finding objects on your desk that you know you didn't put there.

Water dishes that always seem to run into your foot and spill themselves so your socks get soaked.

Coffee makers that require 2 days of training just to learn how to make a single pot of coffee.

Rye bread.

Ladybugs that take over your bathtub/shower so you can't even get clean unless you go to a friend or family members house.

Update buttons that don't actually update anything.

Choker necklaces that actually choke you.

Computer programs that make you want to put your fist through your monitor when it starts screwing everything up for no apparent reason.

Mislabeled buildings because the new owners are too lazy to put up proper signs.

Barcodes that are too blurry to be read properly by scanners.

Tank tops that pinch your armpits and then leave huge sweat stains.

Help files that turn out to be instructions on how to bounce a ball.

Steak/BBQ sauce that tastes like ketchup.

Watching a show in the hopes that someone gets a broken arm but then it turns out nothing like that happens.