people who pretend they gave birth to you, but you both know it's a lie

people who pretend to be you and then everyone likes them better then you so they tell you to go away and you have to change your name just to hide the shame of not even being able to be yourself

people who sell you things they know are shit just to make some money
you are the reason the world sucks

people who make/create/support/participate/encourage so called reality shows
you are the shit of the planet that needs to be removed

people who say they can fly but all they can do is hover for a few minutes
hovering is NOT flying

people who claim to have a third arm but conveniently 'misplace it' when you ask to see it

people who mislabel mp3s and you end up with some shitty song by some shitty artist

people who are for free sharing of mp3s but then don't go out and buy the albums of those artists they really like
support those you like... go to their concert, buy tshirts or something... don't spend the money on mcpukes when you could be supporting your favorite band... help them continue creating music

people who judge you solely on what music you listen to

people that smell like lemons

people who talk to you in a different language, and when you tell them you don't speak that language, they point at you , laugh, then have their friends laugh at you too

people who say they can leave the planet at any time but for some reason stick around
what the hell? this planet sucks due to humans so leave already and take me with you!

people who claim they can tear their face off but won't show you

people who pretend they know what you are talking about but when you ask them they confess they don't
don't lie to me you bastard!

people who have a large coin instead of a head and then get annoyed when people stare
you have a COIN as a head... of course we're going to stare. what the hell is up with that?

people who ask "what on earth are you doing?"
if i wanted you to know... i'd TELL you

people who drive near me
stop riding up my ass, learn to use your indicators/signals, take your foot off the damn brake, don't leave your indicator/signal on, get off the fucking phone, stop trying to smack your kids in the backseat, pick a lane to drive in, don't speed around traffic and then cut in, don't crank your music so loud its a distraction to everyone within 10 miles of it, your fancy lights don't impress anyone, drive the speed limit or faster, don't brake for no reason, don't stare at accidents cuz you make things even slower, check your damn mirrors before merging, don't use your mirror to check your teeth for shit while driving, don't weave in and out of traffic to get somewhere 2 seconds faster.. if you can't handle that then GET OFF THE FUCKING ROAD and take a bus

people that wear skin-tight clothing and then give dirty looks to anyone looking at them
if you don't want anyone looking at your ass then don't draw attention to it

people that cough without covering their mouths
damnit why not just puke down my throat and make SURE that you've infected me with whatever sickness you have

people that don't come right out and say when they are mad but just make stupid little comments and glares so that you are supposed to guilt yourself into giving a shit about what they want
damnit i've had enough so either speak directly to me or your concerns mean nothing

vampires that are going to kill you but instead go on for hours about their 'story' when all you want to do is be killed and have it over with

people who think it's ok if their stupid kids do what they want and then wonder why the kid is a fucking brat

people who piss in your garden while you're workin in it

people who steal all your pens, break them and then mail them to you

people who mark fake events on your calendar

people who mark all their email as top priority/confidential even when its not

people who answer their phone with a beltch and hang up

people who bite into things, make a face and then say 'here... you can have this'

people who think all chicks love shopping

People who cough up wads of phlegm and then they show it to you.
If you do this, you need some serious help. Why not just wipe your ass and show everyone the paper? It's the same thing pretty much, SICK.

People who eat things and describe each taste to you in detail like it's the best thing EVER.
If I cared what it tasted like, I'd eat it! Stop describing food like it's sex, I'm not turned on by it.

people who write songs about heartache and sorrow and it's just them whining with a guitar
how many more people must be like this?? enough already

people who break into your house and decorate it badly and then pretend that it's all for some tv show
i mean really... is that any sort of excuse?

people who open up chip bags or other such noisy things while you're watching a tv show and by the time you can hear it again, the commercials have come on
why couldn't you just WAIT to open them up during the commercials????