Saying "adult community"
Cats that ignore you
Cows sleeping in your bed
Dogs with sharp teeth that bite your armpits
Inhaling bits of leaves and having them catch in your throat.
soggy underwear bunched up in your ass
lime green tshirts with the word "hooligan" on it.
junky vans driven by freaky drivers in suits
blankets with crumbs in them
dancing with bare feet on sawdust and wood chips
those messed up christian sitcoms where everyone smiles all the time
passing out and then falling down a flight of stairs
being promised something but then finding out it was just a way to talk you off the ledge
My ass on a rainy afternoon.
wrapping yourself in a blanket that your cat has pissed on.
waking up to the smell of cat piss
Drinking your tap water and dying after shitting out blood
licking someone's asshole after they've taken a bloody shit and still have bloody bits hanging off their ass hair
leaving pumpkin bits on the floor and stepping in them with your bare feet first thing in the morning.
kissing your cat on the nose and getting shit in your mouth because it just finished licking its ass.
rubbing your ass and finding out it is covered with ready to explode pimples
having to break off a friendship due to business matters
working so hard you forget your name and end up in a strangers bed
using a kazoo
National Boss Day
coffee that has been left in a mug for weeks and is now covered with mold so much that you can't even scrape it off
having someone else clean your fingernails
accidentally drinking sour milk and having to throw it up
rough patches of skin on your face
legwarmers on fat kids who think they're dancers
watching those fat kids dance at a recital
having to watch videos of family outings right after you made them
having a fax machine constantly phoning your house and screeching at you
trying to give yourself oral sex and getting lock jaw
the word 'adequate'
trampoline jumpers who have motion sickness
calendars who lie
being all in a huff
phoning rude people who scream at you
coat racks that fall over if you put your coat on it
the government telling you that they are looking out for you when they are actually lying and only pretending to care
watching two retarded people try to have sex
overflowing kitty litter and you are the one who has to clean it while the cat watches.
taking cantaloupe pieces and shoving them up your ass
someone hog tying you, stripping you down and putting their dirty thumb up your ass.
having to slice off your fingers because there is nothing else to eat
public spanking elderly people until their diapers explode
farting in your cubicle and it stinks so bad you have to vacate the area
shitting your pants at work during an important meeting and your pants get so soaked you get stuck to the chair
falling asleep during a meeting, having a wet dream and moaning your fellow employee's names along with 'spank me baby..."
having to piss so badly while on a long trip and you're on a really bumpy road
listening to a song entitled 'Suck A Cheetah's Dick'
having your internet connection go down when you are doing something important and
then the ISP pretends that nothing is wrong and starts to blame you
having to pay for sex
having sex with someone who won't make you a sandwich before they leave
waking up to children outside your window
flames shooting at you from the depths of hell scorching your ass
having the ventilation system break down and start shooting out dead bugs at you
having to phone tech support for the phone company, an ISP, a computer software or an insurance company.
taking the biggest dump of your life and realizing there is no toilet paper and then seeing a sign that says "Toilet Out Of Order"
taking a big bite out of a muffin and finding someone's finger
anxiously awaiting for work to be over, then finding out your clock is broken and you've been there an hour too long.
having water dumped on your head every time you say the word "water"
being woken up by having your cat or dog pissing on your lap
having to watch the whole Olympics
having brittany spears ruining a whole episode of the simpsons
having kid rock ruining a whole episode of the simpsons
having to hear a christmas compilation of brittany spears, kid rock, mariah carey, jewel,
the kids who did mmmbop, whitney houston, vanilla ice, goo goo dolls, tragically hip and celine dion.
hearing mike patton say metallica is his favorite band
scooping out your ear wax and eating it with ice cream
finding the cameras the government uses to watch you
licking a popsicle and finding out it's really frozen saliva
finding out that someone has been taking pictures of you while you sleep and are selling these pictures online
being invited somewhere only to find out that you are to participate in various murders and twisted games
having paint applied to your ass in a color you don't like
having your calendar lie to you about what day it is
constantly forgetting how to spell calendar
playing monopoly with drunk people who try to cheat, but are so obvious it's just stupid
strange guitar noises in the night
badly played saxophones in your bathroom
ranting madmen who actually make sense
dolls that turn into children
crusty bits in your hair
soggy shoe inserts
weird al's mustache
certificates of appreciation
not being able to get a snot ball out of your nose for days
sink drains filled with rotting bits of all the meals you've had in the last two weeks
having to clean out those drains without gloves or a nose plug
tribal drums pounding away that no one but you can hear
shrill ladies who like to tell you what to do
Madonna wearing a brittney spears shirt
dumping out a garbage can and somehow a dirty pad smears you with blood
having to pack up all your shit and move
glass cleaner that smells like lemons
radio shows that have announcers who think they are funny and then all they play is shitty music.