Dec 18/03

Will my chemistry final exam suck even more than I think it will? How about english? FartMonkey
chemistry will suck a whole lot but you'll get through it unless you write 'I AM A FISH' over and over... which has been done before by that guy... oh wait... that was in a book... oh no wait... that's a tv show too... hmmmm

I've met quite a lot of Canadians in my time, and most of them have a habit of saying "eh" at the end of every sentence they utter. My question is this: if they actually say "eh", why when they are typing on-line don't they type "eh"....."EH"????...harbinger
well that's funny as there are a lot of canadians that don't say it... but i suppose that if people do say things like that, then i'd expect them to type it as well... then again people with a lisp don't type in extra s's...

pope or dalai lama?
well both are kinda cute... oh yea... no they aren't... i pick GLUE

What's your favourite book, movie and food? Oh........I forgot can you tell me your 3 favourite bands/singers? and last but not least, the celebrity you like to have sex with the most? RealmO-K
at the moment... invisible monsters by chuck palahniuk... fight club... and it's always pizza... patton... bowie... and um... faith no more... the celebrity i like to have sex with the most? out of all the ones i've had sex with? hmmm... it's so hard to chose just one... i guess it'd have to be kermit

I have been reading the anti-xmas part and I'm wondering, do you personaly get in a worst mood this time of year, or do you consider xmas to be joyful and actually get in a better mood?. I fucken hate it my self, just want to know your opinion.
this year i'd have to say that i've been in a particularity bad mood... i'm so fed up with everyone and everything

Apparently people don't like my site because it's not cohesive and I'm not marketable enough. Do you think that killing you would be a good solution? - Mzebonga
well who are these people who said this? if it's the people in your head then i told you already that they don't count... but if it's those strange one-eyed people then... wait a minute... kill ME? damnit.. that's what i get for sticking up for you?!?

How do you tell stupid people they're stupid and why don't they already know that they're stupid?
you have to say it slowly and sometimes even use hand puppets to explain it...

Do you think Birmingham City will finish above Aston Villa in the English Premier Football League (that's soccer to dumb yanks)?
well i'm not a fan of soccer... so it's all the same to me... though i must say that i would rather watch your soccer then US football any day...

have you ever seen a japanese bum? -The Stapler
only on my computer

have you ever been walking up the stairs and after you got to the last step thought there was another on there, tripped, and looked back like you expected it to be there somehow? -The Don and The Stapler
twice... and that was just today

I'd like to submit two of my christmas theories to you, please tell me if you agree: 1) The holiday we are used to calling Christmas is no longer known for being Christmas in its real religious meaning, and I am now going to call it Designated Giving Day, which just happens to be on the same day as Christmas. 2) Giving someone a gift for DGD really means that they mean nothing to you and you hate them. If you really care about this person you'd get them stuff they'd like no matter what time of year it is. FartMonkey
1 great idea as long as there are no songs about it... 2 damn straight

do you think that being gay is a genetic disorder?
no... being human is

where do the cold stay in our body?whats the cause of this?
it stays in your ass and sometimes visits your toes

Do think the bible should be listed as a fictional book?
you mean it isn't???

have you ever tried to insert something in your but
in my BUTT? hmmm... no not lately... not that i can remember... then again there are some fuzzy drunken moments where i can't really remember what happened...

Um DC, I have a question...Why is there a tomb for an unknown soldier? Wouldnt process of elimination tell you who it is? Hey wanna have wild kick ass sex tonight? Promise not to call you the next day!!
there are just too many people to track them all down... and we'll have wild kick ass sex tomorrow night since i won't have work and so i can stay up all night... and you better not call... telephones are evil

So, is SAnimal gone now? What's goin g happen to him? Is he going to spend his days knitting Sock Baboons? Do Sock Baboons even exist? Why would anyone knit something made of socks? What am I on about? SAnimal... He sucked... That's what I heard, anyway - Mzebonga
i sense that underneath it all you're actually very sad and upset with his exit... i mean... it's like you knew him intimately isn't it... or maybe just wanted it that way... it's ok mzebonga... you can come hang out here now... it's almost the same... only much better

If god was a fritolay would you eat it? if elephants and tigers had sex would we need any humans?why is it that squirrels always stare at me? why is why a question thathinguywhois
yep... no... they want to shove acorns in your nose... why is a question for lazy people who can't put together sentences...

WHO KILLED KENNEDY? PROFDUNN.
that guy... you know... who did that thing that one time? and

Dec 21/03

Ok we can have wild kick ass sex tonight since u dont have to work......but make sure u buy me something good so ill put out!!! And dont get rude you know you want me!!! lol Whats your favorite position? and dont say monkey style.
i have to buy things to make you put out? that sucks... you should buy ME things to put out... any position that doesn't hurt horribly is fine with me

What the hell DC I have a person i work with that won't stop singing xmas songs. Would it be ok if I wrapped her ass in tinsel and hung her on the door like a wreath? I'll stick lights around her neck if thats ok? And one more thing.....how much time in the slammer will i get for this just want to have an idea how long to foward my mail?-HD
i think it's a great idea and you can probably look online before doing to jail... don't forget to cancel your 'cheese of the month' membership

this is a follow up to a previous question I asked..........In your opinion what is the worst book, movie and food.................and also what are the worst bands/singers (excluding britany spears, as we all know that she sucks immensly) and what celebrity would you least like to have sex with with?
foundations friends... julia julia... turnip... oasis... celine dion... and i would never ever want to have sex with kevin costner (or see one of his movies)

I am in need of your advise DC.......myself and some friends are making a film similiar to jackass (well,it's differenrt to jackass but that's the best example I can give you) and we know this guy that we all hate and we want to pull a prank on the fat son of a bitch. Should we: a)egg him, followed by a paint gun onslaught b)tar and feather him c)throw poo on him or d)get you to think of something better (and if you can think of something better what is it?) ReAlmO-K P.S you wouldn't think so, but it's pretty hard to amuse yourself,as you can probnably tell =)
i don't know... none of those really catch my attention... if you're going to do a show, you need something that everyone hasn't seen a million times... dress up in a dinosaur costume and chase him, i don't know... but just taping a prank isn't a film...

I thought I asked you a few questions before, but I guess I didn't. Or did I...and the questions just kinda went on vacation or something? McDiablo
maybe you were dreaming? maybe you're lying? maybe i answered them and you're in denial over the answers?

Would you pay $100 for a box of chocolate ( a five pound box, mind you )? McDiablo
hell no

Do restaurants pick the hottest guys to sell gift certificates so people (mainly women) will notice them and go that extra mile to talk/flirt with them and possibly buy some off them? I sense a conspiracy.... McDiablo
you know... i have never encountered men selling gift certificates but i wouldn't be surprised if they did that on purpose... are you asking me to sell gift certificates in your store???

I get a link now when I post??? That's so immensely cool! Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you! That would explain why my bandwidth just spiked... - Mzebonga
bandwidth spiking... boy you really ARE excited...

I'm not being ungrateful... It's just that people always tell me "you rip off the Sock Monkey" or "you're not as funny as DC" or "you have a face like a baboons arse" so I figure if I get rid of you people won't keep telling em that. It's not personal, see? - Mzebonga
people say this to you? i know your mom said that about your face... but the rest? you do know that your stuffed animals don't count right?

I like your new header... Do you and JCP want me to have that on Mzebonga.com? - Mzebonga
sure sounds good to me... who cares what she thinks... <glances around nervously>

What should I leave for that fat old bastard Santa? I'm debating between tacos and cheese. OR is he with the pink elephants? If so i think I should maybe leave him poisonous "cookies" or set a trap and steal his sleigh to use to take over the world with pink elephants? But thats only if he is on the side of the evil pink elephants....this is also assuming that he will actually bring me stuff which i doubt he will after the golf club incident.
it's all the pink elephants and there is no santa... how does that make you feel? that's right... channel the rage

um... do u think christmas is a big trick?that god made christ so we would have this "christmas" and god is a big giant money loving monster that weres a suit and owns millions of corporations... thinkaboutit... he wants us to buy from his corporations to make him rich. umm ..wait slash that god doesnt exist, oh yes i believe he died.. i remember his funeral ,that old guy wasnt my grandma.. anyways did u attend?-THEpolice
yes... his and a couple of others

Ever heard of jeff buckley?.. he has a romantic haunting orgasmic powered vocals... that familar?- notTHEpolice
no... are you trying to hit on me again? i told you that lying doesn't impress me

i run on gasoline, i drink jugs of milk for breakfast and i dont attend church.why does no one love me?
your coffee mugs love you... and why would you need more love then that? don't be a greedy bastard

when was the last time someone asked to have some ranchy dirty straight awesome head to toe umm penis in vagina or penis in bum sex or dildo in bum/vagina? bytheway, Awesome Anti- xmas! sorry for the bluntness i am quite crude... farewell dc, be deep in thought and love strangers like friends.my heart floats neatly next to your head and if you find any spare time please send it back to me... im dieing.. -spaagg
that was lovely... next time send me the drugs you're on so it can make sense to me too...

dear man or woman, this is a notice i am in your bedroom under your bed and its time u got rid of these dead bodies... they smell and the neighbours are suspicious.GEES DC... all i wanted to do was smell you and tape u as you slept... not watch a body rot next to me. by the way you wouldnt happen to have any blank tapes?-notTHEpolice
i have several blank tapes and i know you liked watching so just stop pretending you're offended

How come in the united states football is the stupid game, but everywhere else football is soccer? Why the hell do we call it soccer, anyway? Football makes way more sense. In non-US countries when they play football(soccer) do they call the ball a football or a soccer ball? FartMonkey
i'd assume they call it a foot ball... or just a ball... and the US is insane (in an unfun way) so that's why it's like that...

What happens if you drink hand lotion? FartMonkey
it doesn't taste as good as you thought it would and you puke

Have you ever made a really long chain of paper clips? If so how long, and for what purpose if any? FartMonkey
yes i have actually... i don't remember how long and i was very bored

How come whenever I yawn I can pick up certain radio frequencies for just those few seconds? And s this normal? FartMonkey
sure it's normal... i always hear voices in my head and they are probably radio frequencies... sure they know my name and tell me to kill... but i just figure it's just one of those things...

if the world was ending ..and you had a choice to fuck a blonde or a red head ..who would it be...also why cant i start a fire under the water...BLondie
i wouldn't pick one or the other based on hair color... i think it'd be more of a matter of who was closer and willing

my friends little bro said that if a chik takes it up the ass and then gives that guy a blo job if it is like eating shit. wat is your oppinion on that? srsk8er
well if she hasn't cleaned out her ass or whatever and didn't clean him off after... then yes she would be putting her own shit in her mouth and consuming it...

Dec 30/03
hey everyone... i am moving due to a new job and therefore will be offline for awhile... i'm not sure how long i will be away (at least 4 weeks) so JCP will be answering questions until i return... i might even miss you freaks and your questions... but anyways... if i don't get a chance to answer any more (i'm going to be very busy moving etc)... then so long and thanks for all the fish...
i've agreed to come and answer them once more this week before i have to leave... go ask a question

Emm.. Where can i get a little blue monkey?
a little one? that i'm not sure of... just buy a brown one and dye it blue

My birthday is next month.. *ack* i'm really not looking foreward to it, but my parents are making a big deal out of it. they want to do something huge, but i just want to stay home and moulder in front of the tv and see how many times i have to watch Requiem For A Dream to memorize the entire movie. What do you think? what should i do? -CasualFatality
well i'd suggest watching the movie again and learning a bit more... perhaps invite your parents to watch... if they are making it a 'huge deal' via a party hat and cheap gag gifts then i'd just run away until it's all over

What is your opinion on things such as body piercing and tatoos?..............do have any? RealMo_k
i think that there are people who have some really interesting and well done tattoos... there are also a lot of people who just got whatever everyone else had and put no thought into it... i personally would like a tattoo that is something i've personally drawn or had someone draw for me... a tattoo is pretty much forever so people should really think before they do it... i do not understand those who pierce everything on their body, but hey... it's their body so what do i care? i've had my eyebrow pierced but it came out...

what's your opinion on war?
in some cases it's sadly needed... in many other cases it's just because people suck

can I ask a question? yes. I confess. i just did that to waste your time and be annoying hohahoha yes it is me santa claus hahoha aloha ha ho ha
damnit santa i've had enough of you and your ho ho ho shit... stop calling me... stop emailing me and stop shitting in that spot where you think i should install a fireplace

kan u tell me a way i kan freak my freinds with a secret message on my profile if u no a way tell me how brokenhope
profile? freak them out with a secret message? whatever sort of cheap drugs you're on... i hope you brought enough for the rest of us

When I take over the world, I'm going to build a mystical and revoltingly expensive party island involving copious amounts of attractive young men and women; perverse sexual games; magical and enchanted forests and water features, and year after year of general outlandish indulgence. But I need a guru to sit atop a mountain in a little exotic-looking shack (with plenty of companions, followers, rugs, cushions, grapes etc.) for my people to make a pilgrimage to and ask life's hardest questions. If I succeeded in taking over the world, could I call upon you for this job?
sure thing... be sure to sterlize everyone before this orgy begins so that brats aren't popping up all over... kids ruin everything... also... i want to suggest that you bring in some dinosaurs for people to play with... i'd like my own army of dinosaurs

Do you think it's weird to wac off all day, and then the next day trying to break the record you set the previous day?...please note this was a one off thing....it lasted 5 days and I stopped cos' of some minor chaffing.hahaha oh and in case your wondering I got up 14 in one day..YAY ME!
i don't see a problem... you're not hurting anyone (except for the minor chaffing on yourself) and if you're on vacation or something due to the holidays then you can do whatever you want with your time... so did you beat your record?

How come the Three Musketeers are called that when they carry swords and not muskets? FartMonkey
i'm sure there is a real answer out there but due to my being lazy... i will not be finding it for you... instead i offer you this made up and full of shit reply of 'one day the main guy found a rock that had musketeer carved into it and he liked it so much he decided to get some friends and call themselves that'... it's a good thing YOU can't give ME a bad answer award

Do you have a new found respect for Jusin Timberlake now that he has blabbed to the world about fucking brittany spears...........I hate the little bastard, but ever since he did this I think he is cool (kinda), too bad he's music is so lame. >:(
i'm not sure what you're talking about as i don't 'follow' that nonsense... needless to say i have no respect for him, that stupid bitch or any of those sorts of people... they should give ME their money

Are you a vegetarian or a vegan?
vegetarian... although i will eat fresh fish... does that still count? basically i don't eat beef, chicken, turkey or anything like that

Why do I feel like commiting suicide so much more lately?-ferretchick
the holidays shove everyone (including family) into our faces causing us to hate the world even more then usual... you just busy yourself by sending me toys

Should I be concerned that me and Fartmonkey's moms are getting along suspiciously well even though they're practically the same person in different bodies? -ferretchick
well i knew they'd slip up eventually... but to distract you from that i will instead talk about how i didn't know you and fartmonkey knew each other... so we have another set of friends here... you and fartmonkey... there is mcdiablo and miss rogers sweater... mzebonga and empriss nikon (though theirs is more of an internet love instead of friendship)...

July 5 2004

well i was SUPPOSED to be going away to get a new job...
went for interviews... gave them my resume and everything... it all sounded good...
So i get to the place and find out that the bastards lied to me... it's actually an asylum and they're admitting me! the first few weeks flew by as i was given one drug after another (and stealing them from the other patients)... but without a computer i was beginning to feel alone... so after formulating a great escape plan, i broke free of my evil captors and ran... (don't worry, i grabbed enough painkillers for everyone)

now i'm on the run...
I stole a laptop from some guy in a fancy suit... so it seems that i'll be able to answer questions for now... but i won't be answering questions about my current location or anything that will give my whereabouts away to those after me...

Last questions ever answered!