last updated: July 5 2004
and i even give out awards to you LOSERS
  = a good question award
 For those who actually ask a
good question or something....
  = a stinky monkey butt award
 For those who ask really stupid
questions and should be made fun of

July 5 2004 - well i was SUPPOSED to be going away to get a new job... went for interviews... gave them my resume and everything... it all sounded good... So i get to the place and find out that the bastards lied to me... it's actually an asylum and they're admitting me! the first few weeks flew by as i was given one drug after another (and stealing them from the other patients)... but without a computer i was beginning to feel alone... so after formulating a great escape plan, i broke free of my evil captors and ran... (don't worry, i grabbed enough painkillers for everyone)
now i'm on the run... I stole a laptop from some guy in a fancy suit... so it seems that i'll be able to answer questions for now... but i won't be answering questions about my current location or anything that will give my whereabouts away to those after me...
I'm trying to get here and answer questions every week or so... but i can't promise anything...

July 13/04

Where on earth are you from? We're from England. Where you come from: do you put the kettle on? - Mzebonga
ahhhhh... still with the mindless gibberish... I'm glad to see that they haven't gotten a hold of you yet... how is it that you ended up being the first person here asking questions?

I have to admit that I have been dying for the opportunity to swear violently at you for quite some time. May I? - Mzebonga
sure... and when you're done i get to be violent with you... i've learnt a few new tricks while they had me locked up and i've been wanting to try them out on someone...

How can I come up with an original question? Obviously not by asking: where the flying bejesus have you been? I heard you joined the army and that you'd shacked up with some dykey, butch Canadian army bint. "Dykey" and "bint" are good words, no? - Mzebonga
that sounds like a much better option then being locked up for awhile... i couldn't pet my own tail for months... you can't believe how torturous it was... <begins to block the awful memories>

So I guess me and JCP get to find out how much more people love you than us right now, don't we? Just so you know that me and JCP don't need you so long as we have each other... - Mzebonga
is she your new obsession? have you told her how you feel? has she filed any sort of criminal charges against you yet?

Whoah to Good to be true..to good...to good.. *points gun to temple*... have to end it now..no way it could ever get better... no no..wait Have to ask question first. Only a week.. no..no ..no Not enough time.. Oh god~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *splllpurg* *Wipes Bark off keyboard* *Ahem* Now that I have that out of my system, So the bastards got to you too, eh? Yeah I think theres been a worldwide spread recruitment for all us "Wackos", There training us into new defense units against the swedish. Anyways, Wowie, Your still alive, hey, you've been hobing it havent yah? I couldah sworn that sock monkey downtown was you... Have any idea where ya are? Canada? Oh wait, yes to those after yah... I gotcha... ignore that question. Oh what should I ask..., Jcp has been to good of an outlet... If she wasnt around it would have built up and been Excessivly splurged out right now...to bad. Huh, Oh yeah, Whats your favorite brand of gum? and I've been job-searching myself latley and with no references or expirence things are actually going well. Except... No job yet. Oh and Where have you left the pickles?-CakeyBlst
finally i feel much more normal... it was exactly these types of questions that THEY had tried to get me to never answer again... luckily yes i did escape and i encourage all others to do the same... um favorite brand of gum? I'm not a fan of gum... careful about those 'jobs'... it all sounded great until they slap on the coat that makes you hug yourself (which sounds good but you can't touch your tail that way) and start telling you things that don't make sense like 'others have feelings and feel pain'...

Wow, just the person... glad you're back for the time being. ANYWAY, I was sitting listening to a German Death/grind band called Cock and Ball Torture when a thought struck me in the eye... What would happen if Germans infested the world with their poo-eating, cock and ball-torturing ani-madness? And why do people keep asking me if I'm the Big Issue "indie guy" from Ipswich?? - Mort.
the Germans already tried didn't they? i thought i heard something about that somewhere... i for one am voting NO to any and all ball torturing... I'm not sure why people are asking that about you... what the hell does it mean?

Holy crap, DC, sounds like you've had quite the adventure. Who has been rubbing your tail? McDiablo
for the longest time... no one... but now i've been trying to make up for lost time...

I hope you're doing all right, DC. Are there any 7-11's nearby? You could befriend the clerks and get free Slurpees. McDiablo
I'm ok for now thanks... there are none that i've seen but i've been mostly indoors so THEY don't find me...

Have you met any other sock monkeys on your adventure? McDiablo
no but I'm glad... it means they've all gotten away... although it could also mean that they're all dead...

Hi DC. I'm glad to hear you're ok. What you really should do is change your name and move far, far away so you can be safe forever! What do you think? I could even help JCP out by answering questions. -Herbert
i sense you're trying to get rid of me again... does this have anything to do with your campaign to bring you on the website as the resident sock monkey? i know we're brothers and all but you suck major ass and barely deserve to be in the porn section... do you and mzebonga have some sort of deal going on?

Yay! You're back! Im glad. Why cant I go to the magical land of lollipopmen? Is there a secret enterence or knock I should know about?
you don't just go out and decide to visit their land... you have to be invited by them due to your wonderful lollipop deeds... i've been there twice already and let me tell you... it's better then you could ever imagine...

Why are ALL fat ginger people complete and utter retards? And why in the holocaust were they not killed off too? - Mort
what the hell are ginger people?

What if your stupid thirteen year old third cousin, thinking he was your fourth cousin and he thought that fourth cousins could marry, came up to you and hit on you at a family reuion? -ferretchick
i'd laugh in his face before giving him a smack across it to drive the point home...

When will the lies end and the never ending return of dc become true... and when will this begin oh and how would you imagine life to turn out for you?, or more so how would you wish for it to develop?, Do you trust your path or do you wish to manipulate it?Although lieing to your path doesnt work, take it from me...It doesnt have ears, unless yours wasnt in a tragic accident in the nile river. _Ah Damn I spilt The Ketchup again_
honestly i thought i'd be a billionaire surrounded by whatever the hell i wanted but it hasn't happened that way yet... I'm sure that it will happen in the next few weeks... i mean... why wouldn't it? i've survived and now i deserve a reward...

How do you feel about the field of psychology as an occupation? I mean you must have an opinion since your humor and alter ego is an termendous loop in the psyche. Do you have an fascination and respect towards that practise?_pullover_
I'm sure that for some it's quite a helpful and valid way for them to work out their issues... which is good... but there are lot of those self-important fucks out there who like to do nothing but drone on about the past instead of ever actually moving on so they can milk you for more money... i do not have a fascination with the subject... but i do have respect for those who actually help others with it...

An whole week! WWWWWahhooo! Yipes! Yipppppppppp! Horahh! Horaaah! Horahhh! Yes!Yes!Yes!YEAH! OH YEAH!!! *breath in*... YEEEESSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *pant* *pant* Wait, Who's Dc?-Mhhah
that's what i said...

What would you do if one day, out of the blue, your ass hole closed up? - Mort
i'd stop eating and try to pry it open again with a fork...

Fuck you goaway how dare you comeback! who told you you could come back we don't need you anymore, JCP is just fine (pouts) is amish icecream aleways green?Thathinguywhois
you only like her because she has tits... admit it...

I missed ya DC. I hope you do come back soon and stay around for awhile. My question is...How come everytime I walk down the stairs I always fall on the third one and fall the rest of the way? Its starting to hurt and if you can, could you please tell me how to avoid this happening in the near future? Monkeeskittles
thanks... I'm hoping to be back a bit more if i can manage it... as for tripping all the time... it's because you're counting the steps instead of focusing on actually walking properly... so you fall over... so stop counting them or start crawling instead of walking up/down them so you'll never fall again...

what do u think the best way to express your self is i believe it is music what do u think and also what is your favrit band sean
music works for some... there are many things people express themselves besides music... if it works for you then cool for you... i know a number of people who use music to express themselves... my favorite band at the moment would probably be tomahawk...

DUDE R U REALLY A SOCK MONKEY THATZ SOOOO KOOL BUT I GOTTA A QUESTION HOW DO U PAY THE BILLS FOR YOUR HOUSE AND HOW DO U TYPE ON THE KEYBORD AND HOW DO U HAVE SEX!!!!!!!!!! \ SEAN
i don't have a house... and i type using my paws/hands and my tail... here are photos of me having sex...

Why do we have names and instead are not recognised by numbers? - Mort
names are just better to have... having numbers would suck... it's bad enough we have to memorize phone numbers for people...

Would you like to you partake in the freezing of the pineapple ritual in which i am naked and dosed with juice of a pineapple.. smelling pucularly of urine??
as long as i don't have to have the urine touch me then i can just plug my nose and watch...

So do you have any confliction with nudity and have you ever engaged in sex as a attempt to defeat insecuritys?If so, Where would you store sexual enegy when having to sleep with a chain-smoking, hepititas A, Aunt, who listen to bullhorns to gently ease her into slumber?Oh wait your a dude, spose you couldnt relate with a penis confidence... I bet you think your soo sexy... but wait your not an adolescent.. so maturity would have washed those feelings overtime as you have adjusted to yourself and grew enlightening understandings.I guess???
i began in the sock monkey porn section to get over my fear of having people thinking I'm just a boring old sock monkey who would never do anything daring and my fear of being online naked... i don't have an aunt like you mentioned... and sure i have insecurities... my tail could probably be thicker...