part two: return on investment

You'll eventually conform. We'll see.
I wanted to slam his face into the grill and force reality into him, but my veggie burgers were done so I just scraped them off the grill. It's hard for him to imagine a world where people are happy and are honest with each other. In a world of fake and play pretend friends, I suppose it's hard to imagine someone could fight against the bullshit. I slammed the plate down and I'm sure he noted it. I've grown too old to give a shit about his thoughts on my life anymore. All they see is what they want to see.

Family get togethers are a monthly almost biweekly thing for my family. The trick to enjoying yourself at one of these 'functions' is to avoid the people you don't like and to hang with the ones you do like. It's slim pickings in my family. My aunts are mostly stupid, my uncles pretty much the same. Either they're drunk and annoying or they're figuring out how much everyone is 'worth'. My grandma judges people on their weight, and of course, how much they make every year. All I can think of when I speak to her is what a petty small life she must have. So I'm not going anymore. That will give them something to talk about for awhile.

I've ensured the quality of the product and now have determined the return on investment (ROI) has been as projected. I've learnt how to use their words to impress them as an adult dangles something colorful in front of a baby. The trick is to know what you're talking about and to know it's all bullshit. I have the distinct feeling that this is one of those people who are put in my life to provoke show-content. Perhaps it's sweeps week.

I stare at the bitch wondering why she's even speaking to me. Oh, that's right, I have to order my coffee. I tell her what I want, then have to correct and repeat myself when she gets it wrong. We repeat this little escapade until she gets a clue and gives me what I want.
"Nice try, you can't fuck me up that easy" I said to her as I snatched my coffee from her and left. It would take more then just a screwed up coffee order to get me going for sweeps week.

I found another new name to use. I heard it while riding around on the bus. Sometimes I take the bus in a giant circle, just to throw off anyone following me. I've started a collection of instructions they put on things. It makes for interesting reading and you never know when you'll wake up and forget how to do things. Imagine that. That kid has been staring at me for far too long. It is time to escape the bus.

I think that I really should find some random person and focus all my hate on them. It makes it so much more interesting. It would save me a lot of time just randomly hating everything and anything. I could focus on something and maybe really accomplish something. Now that I think about it, that sleep depravation exercise is just what I need. If fact I think more people should try it. Not sleeping gives you more time and that's always fun when you can hang with yourself when you've gone insane.

Share myself completely?
Well how's this, I think this is all bullshit and you're a bunch of fuck ups.
I see.
Do you? Do you really?

So James has a NEW girlfriend. Well good for him I hope they're happy. He didn't say anything about the cat mask but I know that it's all he's been thinking about. Well that's just fine. In fact I think I'll send him the mask in the mail. That would give him something to talk about with his NEW girlfriend.

I don't even have to be awake for that job. I just need enough to double-check everything and fold. I can cruise for a while and if not then I go home. The party won't go on forever and soon enough I'll have to find a real job. I'll be damned if they shove me in some cubicle again so I'm going to have to figure out a way to weasel it out of it into something else. Perhaps I'll sell all I own on ebay, it would certainly make the move easier.

Jay had been gone for a while. He was off on his trip and seemed to be having fun. Apparently the crazy lady didn't live there anymore. Probably checking for pennies in payphones at some senior's home. Amanda works at one of those and says the night shift is the worst. They wake up confused and bang on the doors, demanding things that don't make sense.

It hurt as I cut myself. It was a row of staples but it left such delicate little scratches. I couldn't even feel it, well not at first. Now I have my own desk and I can put things on the bulletin board to 'express' myself. I want it left blank. So my investment is my life, and the return is that I die. Somehow this works out once made into wonderful little graphs. The whole world can be summed up in little graphs and I'll be damned if those pie ones aren't my favorites. We all want the biggest piece don't we? Shouldn't we? What if someone hates pie?
I can't stand pie.

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