Good day, my dear fellow,
I'm not a baron or an Earl....
I don’t in a live in a manor estate, eat crumpets, or own a bowler hat....
and, no, I didn’t row with Quentin, Archie and William for Oxford in the boat-race,
but I’m sure they're jolly good chaps.

I have a Queen, not a president. So do you Australia and Canada – don’t you forget it.
You all speak English, not American – it’s OUR fucking language.
And I pronounce it 'thu-ruh', not 'thu-row'.

I can proudly sew elbow patches onto my tweed jackets
I believe in tea, not coffee,
biscuits, not cookies
and that the Royal Family is a truly proud and noble tourist attraction.
A fag is a cigarette, a rubber is an eraser,
And it is pronounced ‘herbs’ not ‘erbs’ because is has a fucking H in it

The United Kingdom is a monarchy comprised of 4 great nations,
We suck at every game we ever invented
And we used to own the fucking lot of you

My name is Mzebonga!!
And I am British!!!