It's time to entertain the crowd before some big event and you're the only one that can do the job. How on earth do you amuse over 5000 screaming people who have been sitting out in the sun for a few hours, had mud thrown at them, been charged far too much money for small bottles of water, had their bags of fun taken away and paid over $150 per ticket to be here? (And yes, you HAVE to go on stage before the big-ticket event begins.)

Throw me the monkey butt on this one.- Donnie

But I AM the big event ! They came to see me!! First off I'd remind them that most of the $$$ they paid for admission is going to a very good charity. Herbert's 'A Shoe For Every Foot Campaign' Most of those shoes will be going to under privileged children in Africa. At about that point I'll introduce my band, quickly followed by a kick ass pyro laced show starting with the song 'Money For Sale'..all the while having Roadie's throwing free bottled water to every section of the crowd. If a riot doesn't break out...well that'll be a first - Poptart

Since 5000+ people is a lot of people to imagine without their underwear on, I'd walk out and tell them the managers have promised them a full refund. Upon being tossed into the audience, I would start a riot. - oxie, who forgot a nickname

tie a really big pickle around my cock, run onto the stage wearing nothing but said pickle, but myself with a straight razor while reading cheesy beat poetry.- jo

i would play music, im really musically talented so it wouldnt be that hard. hope they like acoustic music.- joytoy

Oh oh!.....ok I will walk out 1/2 naked...after the initial horror and laughter stops...they will forget why they were pissed and then I'll get them all involved in a nice game of "why the person I'm standing next too suddenly doesn't seem so bad."- sseedie

Announce "I am not Fred Durst." Hopefully that will please the crowd.- idontmindthesunsometimes

Bring up the best 5 and worst 5 male and females out of the crowd. Then Have them strip (if willing) Then, invite interested others out of the crowd to ask them a "LIVE" E harmony survey questions. This way the Best and Worst can all work it out Via Reality Concert! - Budi

i would do what any other person would do- start a riot. i would calmly walk out on stage, demand silence, and then tell them that not only will the main preformance not be taking place, but while they were all in there waiting and buying grey water from my septic tank (conviently put into aquafina bottles), i personally threw rocks through all of their car windows and slit the tires of all of those who rode bikes and such things that had no windows. then i would RUN LIKE HELL!!!!!!!- bobthemouse09

tell them the good news that it is about to rain and for the rest of the show,,,the water is free. - rayyo77

I break out the Bill Hicks.- agent_of_truth

i went on a train once and we got a ticket- leggie

play the guitar and sing? that wat all the other entertainers do at festivals. It seems to work.

tell bad jokes then have a fired come pretending to be from the audience and pretend to beat me up- lord dhadow

sloppy acoustic performance of covers of 60 rock, scantily clad and stoned as hell. with bongos. - green

Walk out onto the stage and drop a large screen with a projector showing exactly what the entertainment is doing before the show.- G-Rod

Two words: Free Bird.- me

humor- Yo

oh, for goodness sake. strip of course.- snippy

Wet T-shirt contest- ARVN7

One word: FIRE. Everything is better when fire is involved. After burning random things I've found on the stage (like cymbals, bottles of water and, yes, a guitar), I'd write something in gasoline and then set it on fire. The flames would probably say something stupid, like, "You're All Douchebags" and then I'd run off the stage before any mud could be thrown at me.- McDiablo