Cool. If I knew her better I'd make her a mix tape of songs she loved and then hand-color the cover, which would be pretty gay if I were a guy.- Spacecake

tea pot- Diane

TOWELS- OILFIELDTRASHWTX

Who's JCP? I'd give her a real name--not just letters.- The Venerable Yank

I give a shit! Okay no, no I don't. but I would probably get her a collection of loud, obnoxious rock music CD's to annoy her new neighbors with. It's a gift that just keeps on giving!- Pyro Princezz

The answer is in the question: I would give her a shit.- Mzebonga

Mzebonga's brain- mad_patrol

Gasoline and a cigarette lighter. Wrapped in colorful paper.- thecyberpixie

A fire alarm.- D4F

i would give her a life sized action figure of my with exact sizes ;)- Insaneone

Money. After all, I have a lot more of it after that customizable ring tone idea, don't I?- gravity wins

My cats first bowel movement, wrapped in a decorative jar..- Mermaid

I'd come over and have sex with her in every room and she would be greatful.- BlueManGuy

idk, I dont give a shit...- ROXTOYZ

I dont know, I would actually not do so, I do not know what gifts she likes, so if I sent her anything at random, and it would be something she hates, I would feel like I have violated one of the coolest women on the planet.- Neos9

Well, I'd have to get her a sniper rifle, you never really know what those kids next door are doing....- Katoid

I'd give her MEEEEEEEEE! Ande perhaps a plant. That never grow's, untill one day, she cyt her finger, and it opened up, like it was hungry. Ensue romantice horror comedy musical.- South-West-Suicide

I'll send her some newspaper she can make furniture out of.- me

A BOX OF BANANAS! but they will arrive 3 months after i send them that way they will be rotten to smell up her new house making it smell some what like her old one- IshKaBilly

My collection of pad locks locks without keys. To keep out you-know-who.- Zombie Sock Monkey

why whats wrong is her house too cald or something?- The ultimate fan of plankton

MY presence, of course.- iamdan

Uh....A set of pot holders, or something. I don't even know who JCP is....- tophatloser

Well, I don't know what I would get her, but I'm certain that I wouldn't get her a psychotic, flesh eating cow. They are expensive.- Insaneslasher

air- idiotnameless

a photo copy of my ass- gladys

Crystal stemware. Because I knew she'll never use it, thus proving the fact that I really don't give a shit while still being polite enough to give a gift.- idontmindthesunsometimes

Mzebonga's brain and a million $- mad_patrol

I'll give you myself. That's right, I can be a gift. I'm afraid I won't be able to literally warm up your house, though. My blood pressure sucks. Yeah. ...whoa, worst house-warming gift ever. Well, next to Mzebonga. Ha, uhh, burn?- McDiablo

I'd warm her house. With Kerosine and lit match. Either that or I'd show her my cloning device. Yep, I'd clone Herbert for her so she could have 20 sock monkey roomies.- George

A vibrator...who doesn't need a vibrator?- SMUS!

i dont give a shit. but if she's trying to keep her house warm i can recomend some good space heaters. its the family business.- jbkleenex

I'd give her something interesting. In bed. Sexually. (this is, like, our new comment on just about anything. EG. Someone: I like pie. Mike: In bed. Me: Sexually. You need to get the voice right, though, otherwise it just sucks like your mother. In bed. Sexually)- Smimmons

I would give her a gigantic monitor lizard to guard the property. Not only would it put off burglers, you would never get your lawn crapped on by the neighbors dog again!- Katoid

a candle to cover the smell of the dead bodies- evilbubba13