punch them - poo

kick him it the balls...if he has any - brown_stuff

Twat them one, tell them that it's not ruddy Christmas yet, and that they are hideous - despite whether they are or not, but the fact that I assumingly find them annoying, they're probably ugly - and would like them never to come within a 10 mile radius of me ever again. - Catherine

Hug Them - scrote

Sorry, what's that? *I* don't want to kiss someone? I guessed my MALE manager on the cheek yesterday at the staff christmas party.... But ont he rare event that it REALLY isn't working for me, I Think I'd grab hot frying pan or something, and shove it in the person's face and like fucking fry their face off, they need it, they have to learn, I'm the kisser, not the kissee. - George

Everybody knows that I am a weak willed attention whore and would probably end up sleeping with them regardless. On one of my more resilient days, I may do a quick switcheroo with some hapless bugger stood nearby and put him in my place. - Mzebonga

Grab the nearest person and quickly shuffle them into your spot and let the annoying person of the opposite sex kiss them instead. - Poptart

enduce vomit and projectile all over them. - Russ Dire

put finger in ear - fnurkus artvark

"I have herpes..." Stops 'em every time. - Turtle

I quickly see if I can get people to sponsor me to smack her in her stupid, ugly face. - Mzebonga

Leave them there and get another drink. - hippiedad69

Stop, Drop, and Roll, what else? - Ace

Well, I plan in advance for these types of situations (no, I am not paranoid AT ALL). I always carry a shoe with me, but not any old shoe--a shoe with dog shit imprinted on the sole. So, as Freaky McFreakerson is leaning in for a big smooch, I whip out the shoe, hold out the dog shit side and he ends up kissing that. Oh yes. Unless he's into chicks with shit-breath, he'll be running off very fast. He gets 10 points if he gags. Mmmhmm.. - McDiablo

His eyes are closed, so I'd quickly duck and scamper behind him. Now safely out of his line of sight should he ever open his eyes again, I'm free to wander until I can merrily corner a victim of my own. - WingNut

Tell them ive never kissed before or that i have a gf - josue

I normally would lean in and then duck out of the way so they fall over and land their face in the punch bowl and then everyone laughs and I feel bad about it and make out with them anyways.... - b_write

I immediately eat garlic so my breath is stinky. - The infamous Jefferson Rottweiler

groin kick and run - Maude Lynne

Fast as lightning, I whip out of the room and into the basement. I grab the first unsuspecting cat I see, and whoever thinks they need to kiss me will have a rabid, hungry cat thrown at them. And believe me, my cats will cling. They're like....furry Velcro. - bluemonkeyfearer

you expected this, as they have been "telestalking" you for months. so packed some useful items in your pocket. Choose from removing your garden toad and letting them kiss that, your own holy book of worship, which therein denies the existence of mistletoe, or maybe even use a cream pie to coat their face in a protective layer of cream. Or just duck, so that they end up either falling over or kissing the wall behind you. Too bad luck for them if it happens to be tasty woodchip covered wall. Yum. - Caffeine Cruise

Take out tampon and shove it in his mouth. Take that, you male chauvinist pig! Just because there's a mistletoe there does not mean you can shove you're tongue down my throat. - idontmindthesunsometimes

step to the left as they think they are going to find your lips and all they find is air and then the floor tiles because they have no balance and have never been kissed. - renae

running and screaming like a little girl lost in a dream of freddy crouger - spike

He he finally I have the chance to use my collapsible chainsaw. I get it out, cut down the stupid mistletoe and then put it on my ass and say "kiss this dude". - PyroPrincezz

their eyes are close so duck out or grab some one and have them kiss instead - TRIpod

So many ways to handle this. A good burp is always helpful as is a fart. If no gas is available one can always lick the other person on the eyelids. That seems to end unwanted intimate moments. So does the line "Oh Shit! Is that my ex husband? I thought he was still in jail!" - Balloons R Fun

duck out of the way, and when she asks what happened I say I droped my cell phone. - nick

Pick up the dog that is walking by and get it to give the dink a good lick. If he is worse then a dink, oh he gets the lovely gift of dog bum! - ~Jeepster

I don't know what I put originally, but I bet it was damn funny. To be honest I'd probably sleep with that person, I tend to do that with people I don't fancy. - George's Clone - George

take a step backwards, shove the convenient person next to you of the same sex into the line of fire and causually jump out the window. - Katoid

get a drink - lois

Tiptoe away and find a hot guy/girl (whatever seems interesting) and tell them i want to have sex and then dissapear untill the strange annoying person leaves because he is so depressed. And the next day when i wake up and flop on the couch with my big bowl of Cap'n Crunch and turn on the news i find a news story of the annoying stranger having jumped off the golden gate bridge... seems that they havent found his body... hmmm does it smell like wet dog? - l2o0aLo0

push them away...no duh. if they follow...don't worry, i have my crew. - colour-me-psycho

punch them - blackwallstreet4life

pull out their teeth with any set of rusty pliers that happen to be handy. That or tell them they'd better watch out for Dropbears hiding in the mistletoe. - Fish

i farted and they leave me alone - Nonameloser

Stop. Drop. Roll. - PRchick

why are they ugly as shit? - I was that other guy

I hit them over the head with a broom that mysteriously appeared from out of no-where. - Zelda

Shout "GET DOWN" and push them to the floor out the way of the mistletoe. Grab the mistletoe and say "It's gonna blow any sec" then run outside and hide behind a lamppost. - Bumface

I would turn my head and walk the hell away - lilboggs

i would rip the mistletoe and i shove it into her mouth and i walk away - pancho

I would say "It's to bad I have [insert cantagious disease here] or I might kiss you." before said person can kiss you. - Zaqim

Karate chop them to the throat. When they gasp and their eyes water up then I knee them in the groin and run away while screaming "FIRE!" - *silverfish*

Start coughing a lot and then talk about how sick I am in detail. - Jenn

shoot the mistletoe and leave. - Katoid

rip off the mistletoe aand shove it down their troat! - jo yama

turn them around and let my pet monkey anally rape them. then while they are distractracted I would grab they're skin and make a new monkey suit out of it so next time I can be the pet monkey. - iamzbob

knee them in the groin and run like hell... or Kiss them hard and wet... and tell him that was your first kiss ever and you are going to call your mom and dad to them that you just met your future husband and father of your children??? whatever you are in the mood for. - kellykins

kick him in his balls, grab her tits and twist em and then piss in their mouth - forgotten name

run off - trulte

Give them a peck on the cheek and skeedaddle outta there. - Swine

Vomit over them... usually gets the job done. - Rhys