Aug5/03 And what if I'm just
too darn lazy to press the little button? dc, with all the
surgerey that goes on, couldn't you just have a dick sewn onto
u? irish psycho Long time no see,
what have you been up to? Do you miss me? I've not been up to
much, I did go a holiday that was fun,but it was over way to quickly.Sally Tell Jcp I like her
nothing really diary. She rocks. Since I haven't been here in
months I had a fair bit to catch up on. Why don't you have a diary?
Sally hey dc i have returned
from the great beyond.. have i missed anything important? - Miss
Roger's Sweater my work is suppose
to go on strike tomorrow, but i just heard on the news that they're
negoitating more.. should i just go to work tomorrow and sleep?
- Miss Roger's Sweater McDiablo comes home
tomorrow! should i throw her a huge surprise party? or just taker
her for a slurpee... - Miss Roger's Sweater who knew webcams
could be so much fun? - Miss Roger's Sweater why do all tv shows
on sunday suck? - Miss Roger's Sweater Did you know that
they separated us at birth because I kept trying to kill you?
Anyhow, what were a Sock Monkey and a BogGoblin doing being born
in the same place anyway? - Mzebonga Small children came,
They came and beated me! Curse them! *points to kids wielding
pinata stick* Why are they so twisted that they feel they have
to bludgeon me with a stick in order to reap the rewards of my
delicious guts??? WHY? -Ferretchick What if you could
only say two words to get the cats from ripping you to pieces?
What two words would you say? Now, I know you're
a very busy monkey, but if you were paid large sums of money would
you whore yourself out to wealthy old men with withered dicks
and make their wildest fantasies (such as dipping you in that
green nursing home jello) come true? -ferretchick Get them off me!
Get them off! AHHH! What do you think is eating me alive? -ferretchick Why are you and everyone
else on this message board thing so fucked up? And is goober Michael
Goober? dc, have i called
you a devil spawn? leigh why did the broken
elephant take my shoe from the naked hobo on the corner of my
plate? I took Emerald camping
with my family for ten days. She enjoyed herself. Have you ever
been camping? McDiablo The pictures of the
new sock monkeys are great. I'm curious to know where Casey purchased
that straw hat...? McDiablo Why do birds choose
to be annoying in the wee hours of the day? McDiablo is there a way to
stop the madness?hes a freak and hes bugging my damn kids!tell
michael jackson to get out of my life,how do i do it?jim bibble
Why does the cutlery
hate me?? It seems to have such a bitter grudge against me, I
can't figure out why. Sure I eat with it, but now is the time
to bring unity between my spoon. Why doesn't this little bitch
just become one with me already?? -Ferretchick I lost my pants,
i think my grandma has been wearing them around the house but
there is a massive gravy stain on her forearm......how should
i wash her? in all the porn i
see the guys have scary curving dicks, my doesn't do that, its
a long straight penis..is there something wrong with me? so, gimme a dollar
amount here... how much to just straight fuck you? can i let my
friends watch? what if i threw in some kinky? what the fuck is
wrong with earwigs?! you sick bastard... i thought you were better
than that. way to descriminate cuz they don't have a skeletal
system. fucking bigot. - EmprissNikon let's
see....what is the weirdest place you've ever had hot monkey sex?
- GeT_KiNkY! Hey, DC, how long
till the apocolypse? Aug9/03 what if you
run out of clean clothes except for 3 pants, one is polka dot(black
n yellow), then stripes(green n orange), checkered (pink and black),
would you wear any of 'em? leigh I went on holiday
to Bankok and Phuket in Thailand, I think it definetly could be
your turn for a holiday ,where will you go? Sally Do you or any other
members of TID have psychic powers? FartMonkey What if WE asked
YOU the What Ifs ? FartMonkey Oh wait..we kinda do already...well
answer it anyway Why won't the fork
keep working? It worked with me just a little bit, then it stopped.
Why won't it keep working? I've asked it nicely and screamed at
it! They're all gonna think I'm lying! FartMonkey What, if any, do
you think the message is that's trying to be conveyed to me when
coins start pushing out through the glass of my change jar and
flying at me at extremely dangerous speeds, aiming for my eyes
and jugular? FartMonkey Ok, now I want to
know WHY in a deck of cards do you have to call the one suit "clubs"
instead of "clovers"? Who would ever think to call them
clubs? They're little pictures of clovers! You can't bludgeon
somebody with them, so they're not clubs! What next, will they
make us call the hearts "candles" or something dumb
like that? Well I've got news for you! I'm no sheep! I'm calling
them clovers! Who's with me? FartMonkey The other day i was
hoseing off my little brother in the street when i noticed and
old man with his ass pressed firmly against my windows writing
his name in shit, naturally i chased after him with the nearest
fan belt and paddled down to the hardware store where he was slaping
badgers with knee socks. When i returned home i tried to wash
off his name but it wouldnt come off, how do i wash away "Umberto"
written in shit on my window?!? -Racoon Man i've been housesitting
for my friend and have to go home tomorrow.. what if i refuse
to go home? - Miss Roger's Sweater my work still hasn't
figured out if we're on strike yet.. can i kick someone? - Miss
Roger's Sweater can i sell you my
soul, so i can get a few thousand bucks to pay for school? - Miss
Roger's Sweater holy shit, it's august!
when did that happen? - Miss Roger's Sweater When are you guys
are going to answer the questionaire and what ifs? Or should I
do a forced marriage between JCP and a fat, ugly arab? Why do some people
out there feel the need to treat others like complete, utter shit?
McDiablo What is Miss Roger's
Sweater going to do with 11 books that she needs for one class?
Quite frankly, I'm scared to find out, but I feel I must know.
McDiablo no, dear, i threw
you out cuz you ate crackers in bed. i asked you REPEATEDLY to
eat your crackers in the living room or kitchen, but you insisted
on eating them in my sheets. now, seriously, was it so hard to
just stop? - Nikon Will I get lead poisoning
if I chew on pencils? McDiablo was there ever a
clock that doesnt tick? leigh why do boys seem
to have a life's goal of seeing how many girls they can make cry? What can I do to
keep this mighty evil old man that tries to steal my grilled cheese
out of my dreams? Please help me. -JimBoBob When was your last
tetanus shot? FartMonkey What's the most irritating
product jingle you can think of right now? Where do they get people
willing to sing those idiot jingles? They don't even have tunes
anymore...its just a bunch of words thrown together..FartMonkey As if this hasn't
been asked 2400 times, what does JCP stand for? FartMonkey Does JCP give you
regular beatings? Like on the hour, or every day, or just whenever
you seem to need one? Does she use a whip or a lead pipe or what?
FartMonkey If I bury my best
friends demon dog under an orange tree will the magical citris
make chocolate oranges appear??? How do you explain
the dancing cows on the side of the street? they keep sayin chikin
to....but i like sock monkeys....what do i do? -SAMDUDE is bad breath dangerous
to health...i've been exposed to it since the arrival of my new
colleague...i havent done any moves about telling the guy of his
bad breath...am i putting the whole office in danger? should i
wait for the flies to take over the office before i tell the guy
of his bad breath...leigh why is zoltron looks
more like an alien than a robot? leigh Aug 12/03 What's with that
freaky lookin doll thing on the main page? Is it holding its stomach,
about to puke? Is that like a cabbage patch kid? I HATE those
things.FartMonkey In recent years a
favorite sport of mine is to torture and dismember those little
cheap barbies you get in kids meals from McDonalds. I've ripped
out all their hair, painted them,split them in pieces, done leg
and arm switches, stretched, run over, dragged, and even burned
one, but the ranger came and yelled at us...what do you think
of this practice? FartMonkey Have I always been
bitter or am I noticing this more now since I have become "old"?
McDiablo What was the last
thing you purchased and was it worth the money you paid? McDiablo My cat will be turning
one year old in six days. What should we buy for her birthday
present? McDiablo Why do so many Blondes
dye their roots black? Krokus Damn, you people
work hard on your site and I really appreciate it. But I work
harder on mine. Mostly because I don't have a job. Are you gonna
help out again any time soon? - Mzebonga could you sympathize
with my pain, im making kraft diner..(kinda its a differnt brand),well
i put water in the saucer and brought it to a boil, when it starts
to boil you put the noodles in so i opened the box and poured
it in along with the package of cheese!! now the thing is soak
and all the cheese is stuck to the packet argh...3rd time happing
to me litterly...can you relate?-SissO Do you know what
"ay yo up" means? McDiablo My mom has finished
reading the new Harry Potter book. Will her life go on more smoothly
now? McDiablo When you're home
alone, do you often find that that's when your house creaks the
most? McDiablo What sort of psychic
powers do you and the other members of TID have? -Ferretchick Tomorrow is school,
a bizarre sort of imprisonment forcing me to suffer through all
that is dumb and obsolete in the real world (except art). Any
ideas of fun things that I can do to tear myself away from the
everyday monotony that my parents put me through? -Ferretchick when will you learn?
it's never going to work between us... you're a sock monkey...
i'm a person. sometimes inter-species dating just won't work.
we're too different... and the cotton tail thing isnt working
for me. i'm sorry. maybe in another life. - Nikon Hi! my computer was
going scewy for awhile there, have you missed me? Ohhhh guess
what? My birthday was Friday! Do i get a present??--monkeeskittles Aug 18/03 I like my present
it was the best one i got! Do you have any ideas? any at all?-monkeeskittles How should I seek
revenge on my english teacher? FartMonkey Do you think they're
ever going to forget that I thought monkeeskittles was a man?
- Mzebonga How will I react
when I get my next bank statement in the mail (seeing I've paid
for my courses and books)? McDiablo Is it healthy to
be addicted to Playstation? McDiablo Will feeding my neighbour's
dog biscuits make her stop barking at us? McDiablo Was it just my computer?
FartMonkey Why did the power
go out? I think it was the governmet and they wanted to shut down
your site. WE MUST KILL THEM! Aug 21/03 How the heck did
we run out of gas? I went to the gas station and they said they
had none. I got the same results from all the gas stations within
a six mile radius of the one that did have gas. Why the fuck don't
they get the city more gas? -Ferretchick What do people mean
by "there is nothing to fear but fear itself"? I think
its a completely inane statement that has taken all the fun out
of my life. So when they say
"tu eres la piche marreno!" very loud, its a bad thing?
-Ferretchick Our dress code sucks.
If a millimeter of stomach shows when our shirt hikes up after
we put on our backpacks we're sent to the office. Its 110+ degrees
outside, they should get the fuck off our backs about it. Any
suggestions for revenge while i wait for the preppy-suv-driving-rich-moms
to die? (They run the system, apparently they're oblivious to
the fact that their kids are already unstoppable whores whether
or not they show a millimeter of stomach) Teacher, can I have
some more paste? Mine's all gone..... -Ferretchick DC, how do i get
confused with a man? will you please give Mzebonga a message?
tell him i forgive him and it was kinda funny and all i need is
some popcorn and all is forgiven. Do you think I should as for
something else? Hey, maybe me, you and Mzebonga could start a
riot or something against something dumb, could be fun?--monkeeskittles oooowwwww my tongue
hurts, did you have something to do with this DC or is it because
of that damned piece of metal that was shoved through there Sunday?
I think you had something to do with it and if i find out you
did *shakes fist at you*-monkeeskittles Should I forgive
them or be angry for the next 40 years? - Mzebonga My mom always says
she will make clothes for us, but she never does. She said that
she will make my sister her grad dress. Will she? McDiablo My brother is only
14 years old and he's already bitter. What will he be like when
he reaches "the golden years"? McDiablo If you had seizures
often or would pass out a lot, would you think that standing near
the deep end of a swimming pool would be a good idea? McDiablo oh where, ohh where sould DC have
gone? woewes me! seriously though as i was running rampant on
the fragile strands of "the net"
i found that my line to your enjoyable site had been severed (could
not find server). so i was without for about a week and 1/2.it
feels good to be back.i like the nipple machine idea it will solve
so much. also you promised me more jim stories long time go!i
also ask if perhaps i can take creative liberty and write a jim
story(s) myself and then of course submit them for your approval?
one more thing, what comes to mind when i say "baby pink
lesbian elephants"?back by popular dementia--db "_" whats more real to
you, the world around you or the world in which you live? reality
is preception dont you think? and how do you fell about people
trying to force thier reality on others? have you ever reached
a point in your mind where all anything is colors sounds and darkness?
i feel that before we can explore the world around us we first
must explore our minds, for if we dont how will we know what we
belive to be "is"? what do you think about that? row
row row your boat gently down the stream merely merely merely
life is but a dream row row row your boat undernieth the stream
ha ha fooled you all im a submarine row row row your boat gently
up the stream if you topple then youll die and life would've been
a dream i hope you understand this poem now--db"_" So, are you being
a good sock monkey and cutting back on your electricity useage?
McDiablo You're looking hot
in those new pictures, DC. Where did you get the shades? McDiablo Why is it hot? Why
did my air conditioner break? -Ferretchick I like the sock monkey's
sunglasses on the page where it says 'your message has been sent'.
Are they JCP's? -Ferretchick so, i was doing the
dishes and this hobo walks in and he says "wheres bob"
and bobs my husband and i says "well i dunno where is bob..."
and he says "well...i think i saws bob! i saws bob and he
was with one of them HOOKER GIRLS!" and i says"o no,
o dear goodness" and so i ran down to that corner and sure
enough there was bob with his pants to his ankles getting a willyblow
job from one of them HOOKER GIRLS! so what now? Aug 24/03 When I make a mistake
(which is often), is it best to: a) Own up and apologise. b) Own
up and laugh about it. c) Run away. d) Blame someone else. e)All
of the above? - Mzebonga Do you think I'll
get in trouble for adding Metallica to the "People suck"
section? In other words, would stupid people take exception? -
Mzebonga so my friend and
i were singing to the ice cream man. and he flipped us off. We
dont know what to do with the body. Should we save it or put it
in his ice cream cart? - pink epiphany if my best friend
slipped me some kind of truth potion and i blurted out that i
am very much attracted to her, do you think the best next step
would be suicide or try for some great lesbian sex? dc have you ever
killed anybody? if i lick my grandmas
pussy will i get rabies How many ways can
you think of to kill somebody with a guitar besides bludgeoning
them with it and garroting them with the strings? FartMonkey "Yes, McKenna,"
I said, "there IS a lot of cursing and a bad smell coming
from the basement." Oh, but we don't have a basement...what
the devil is going on here? FartMonkey They're watching
me, aren't they? FartMonkey If you sit on the
toilet with a bunch of gallons of water and you just drink and
drink until you have to pee, but you keep drinking and drinking,
will you keep peeing and peeing? FartMonkey Will a time ever
come in my life when a strange old woman appears out of a crowd
and gives me a pocketwatch and says "Come back to me"?
FartMonkey Think you'll ever
make a tv commercial advertising this site? Maybe in the not-too-distant
future and it's like the biggest/only website there is...and you
get slave minions and stuff..that'd be sweet..when can I start?
FartMonkey Aug 27/03 is masterbation healthy? Why do men feel the
need to have sex everyday, if not have sex then masterbate? AG ummmm... i have this
weird feeling in my butt. Im not sure what to do. Is there something
wrong with me? - pinkepiphany who invented cheerleaders? My mother always
calls me a demon seed and tells me im a bad kid. She says my daddy
raped her. She used to throw me against walls. She used to make
me eat nasty food that she thought tasted wonderful becuase she
was high on acid. So i never go to ask her where i came from,
Do you know where i came from? -pinkepiphany what is "teabagging"? did you know evian
is naive spelt backwards? What was your first
word? FartMonkey What should I set
fire to? FartMonkey my mothers being
a fuckhead. is there anything that can be done to relax her fuckheadedness?
irish psycho DC rox my sox! Are
you feelin the whole scene? --SillyBilly why is my arm sticky?--Syko
Morgana what sounds better
right now?: Bananna split or a fat sack of chronic?--Syko morgana Why is green achors
the place to be?--Syko Morgana Why do you have a
face on your arse? - Mzebonga Sept 1/03 why do they call
rednecks rednecks?? why is sex so over
rated? why is it that time
seems to fly by when your're having fun? do women find hairy
men unattractive and if so why? ryt....how long is
a piece of string,really? keli_x_james what is a klondike?
-pinkepiphany the butt wipes arent
wet. What do i do!?!?!? You know that song
that goes like..dunna da dunna da dunna dunna doo do doo dodo-do
do..dunna dunna...dunna dunna? FartMonkey Why do I suddenly
have this horrible headache? FartMonkey So. ... oh yeah,
have you ever had that dream where you are out all day and you
realize to your horror that you're naked? Oh wait..maybe you do
that kinda thing voluntarily..I just don't know...I had a better
question, but I forgot it..dangit ..FartMonkey What should I name
my guitar? Its gotta be a guy's name. But not stupid. Can you
believe those tards that name their kids things like "kimberly"?
I mean..what are they smoking? FartMonkey i threw up yesterday
and i think the dog maybe ate it. should i pump his stomach and
eat it? cuz i need my protein FAT BEN i think i killed
my neighbors but maybe it was a dream i'm not sure..can you ask
them for me? FAT BEN it was just her and
me sittin on the bench. nobody else was around. i was givin her
a back rub and she had her eyes closed. she was so beautiful.
i smelled her perfume and looked at her shiny hair. i realized
i stopped the massage cuz i was looking at her and she leaned
back and rested on me like a chair. before i eralized what i was
doing i had my arms around her and my mouth on hers. i was horrified
cuz i dream about doing that all the time but i really did and
it was an accident. but she kissed me back and things led to other
things and soon we were naked on the bench eating eachother out
and she was moaning and screaming and humping my tongue. oh yeah
my question is, whats the date today Why is rap awful? The glass is always
half empty. Why do people even bother to ask? I started with a
full glass and drank half, now its half empty. They should really
get that freaking idea through their head. Why do people always
ask me whether the glass is half empty or half full? -Ferretchick Do you like writing
rants or stories better? If i gave you a shiny
nickel would you be my organ grinder monkey? who would have though
a sock monkey in pants could be that gorgeous...arent you by any
chance contemplating on wearing a tie on your next photos? leigh who's behind the
"The Secret Of The Lap Dancing Monkey'? Cool...leigh are you a cop? why are heavy metal
listeners all pathetic white losers with no sence of rythm? How
can you base an entire genre of music on one emotion, anger? Why
does metal suck? What do you think
of these "Flash Mobs"? Do you think they might have
a sinister agenda behind it? Like it might be a mind control program? What's wrong with
my hat? Do you think I should get a purple velvet one? I think
there's one worn by Peter Gabriel in the video for "Steam"
with a matching purple suit. - Mzebonga dc!! there is a pig
shitting in my house and its eating my furniture and personal
items like glue and my legs wot do i do please help guy Remember that good
question you answered a long time ago about melting an igloo and
the eskimo comes out, and you said how to kill him etc. and the
result is the best meat you've ever tasted? I thought you didn't
eat meat? Or is this simply the opinion of someone else who you
outright plaigerized? plaigarized..plaig..how do you spell that?
Whatever.. FartMonkey ffffffffffffffffddddddddddddddffffffffffffffffffvef
that was my new kitten walking over my keyboard, don't u think
thats cute? How the hell did
I end up here? And, as long as I am here...you seem cool, wanna
help me get a life? - Naked Fairy I took Emerald along
on yet another camping trip. She lounged around a lot. I was just
wondering if this is a common trait in sock monkeys--to sit around
and do absolutely nothing? McDiablo My mom is convinced
that this guy I talk to on MSN is Prince William because a) he
lives in England and b) has no job. I think she is wrong. What
do you think? McDiablo Miss Roger's Sweater
has moved to a nearby city, but it sucks 'cuz she has lived up
the road from me for as long as I can remember. How long will
it be until I break down and start stalking her? McDiablo When people describe
something hilarious that happened, and they say it was "funny
as hell", is that even an acceptable measurement system?
I mean, how funny IS hell? FartMonkey Did you ever get
so fed up with stupid people and their stupid questions that you
asked yourself a question and gave it a good question award? Is
that where that eskimo thing came from? Oh, I'm onto you now!
FartMonkey who WOULDNT want
this body? - Nikon ive noticed thaet
u ask questions in alot of your responses. and since we haev to
talk in questions only, does thaet maen thaet all of ur questions
aer rhetorical? how aer we supposed to answer them? no dont be
a SAnimal and respond with a question. maybe think up sumthin
unique? Why does FrontPage
hate me so much? FartMonkey What causes headaches?
Is there a measurement system for how bad your headache is? FartMonkey Did your mom make
those pants too? FartMonkey What's your favorite
sandwich? FartMonkey Are you a vegetarian
because you think the taste of meat is gross? I just can't see
you as one of those "save the cows" people..FartMonkey In arguments when
people tell me that I suck, like this is supposed to be some big
argumentive point, I just agree that, yes, I do suck, because
I do. Then they have nothing else to say. Is this a good time
to scream and throw watermelon seeds at them, and make my escape?
FartMonkey I know the new questionnaire
and what ifs are up. It's so tempting. Should I send them in now?
I hate to waste them on the first day they're up because then
I have a whole month to wait until the results. What should I
do? FartMonkey When you're answering
the questions, and you haven't answered them for an extra day
or so and there's a whole lot of them, do you ever just get fed
up and do some and delete the rest? FartMonkey If I met you on the
street and introduced myself as FartMonkey, would you suspect
I was an elaborate robot built by the government and try to kill
me or run away, or would you shake my hand politely? Or fling
feces at me? FartMonkey Sept 4/03 Is a canadian weekend
longer than a normal weekend? The weekend ends on sunday! today
is tuesday! where are my fucking answers!! I want answers!!!!! why are the new questionaires
up but last month's responses are nowhere to be found? Is this
part of your plan to drive us insane because its fucking working!!!! So..... How was your
holiday? -DZ Hey guys, thanks
so much for your hard work you have put into this site! Now, can
I destroy the world? Do sock monkeys get
'boners' too? If so, HOW? - Evil Bob Donkeys vs. Chipmunks
in a fight! Who would win and why? Why can I not log
into the Creative Writing website? This has never happened to
me and it's making me become increasingly violent. McDiablo Do you make up words
and, if so, how do you go about creating them? McDiablo Is my cat secretly
glad that everyone is going back to school and work? McDiablo dc, the results,
u said will posted shortly...how long is the word 'short' to you?
its been there for like three days!...:) leigh since when is 'the
end is near' there at the bottom of ur main menu? sorry but i
never noticed it before...have i known i would have...never mind...i'll
let you guys in a big secret though...whoever is whispering to
you have whispered to so many people before you or even before
your parents and they failed...are you really that susceptible?
:) leigh WHAT TYPE OF HAWIAN
FISH IS ? HUMU HUMU NUKUNUKA APU'AC ? THANKS -MTS (MARKTHESHARK) if u don't believe
in god and instead worship satan, when someone sneezes can u say
to them "satan bless you!"??? irish psycho is warren zevon dead
yet? it'd be sad if he is dead...hes cool.......... irish psycho so, i was walking
down the street when i came upon a piece of pizza. it looked very
sad and lonely sitting there all alone...so i ate it...now i am
having massive digestive problems.....WHAT THE BLOODYFUCK DID
I DO TO DESERVE THIS??? all i was doing was trying to help a slice
of pizza in need....what the bloodyfuck did i do to deserve this?
irish psycho do u ever watch the
simpsons? irish psycho i just went to a
youth program focusing on GOD GOD and more GOD.........the whole
thing screamed CONVERSION.....what type of punishment do these
people deserve? would u like to execute that punishment with me?
irish psycho If I wrote in just
to tell you that I appreciate you doing a nice job of getting
the monthly results up quickly, which is true, would you think
I was just sucking up? FartMonkey Those things on the
sticks are nasty and hurt my teeth. She bought a whole box of
them. Was it just to spite me? FartMonkey I'm such a tard!
I wrote the next chapter of my story over the old one and failed
to save it under a different title. Can I bribe frontpage to give
it back to me or do I have to..like..remember it? I hate thinking...FartMonkey when is thursday
in canada because it thursday tonight in australia and im stll
waiting to see my freakin questionaire results! How are you? Evil
Bob How big is 'IT'? Has it ever happened
that when you sit on the toilet and shit, the water splashes up
on your ass? The Dude
Where is this plane
they speak of in spain? And why does the rain there stay mainly
in it? Is there a plane flying around spain and it's constantly
raining inside? FartMonkey Who wrote leaving
the coffee shop? FartMonkey What's my topic gonna
be for my english paper? FartMonkey |
||
now
its friday in australia, whats the deal?