I would agree that shelter is slightly too good for me, especially seeing as it is part of a budget "economy" deal. What I was thinking was that wouldn't a cage or a chain and a wooden spike in the middle of the backyard be a good idea? You don't want me getting away do you? Or were you thinking of supplying my present one? I like this one, especially the perch and the cuttle fish, but it needs cleaning. What kind of slave labour would be required? - Mzebonga, bitch for sale
well, you'd have to do the laundry for sure.  as for all other tasks, that is up to your owner.  i would think that you're dancing around naked for friends would be a popular request.  i'll provide your new owner with one of those 'invisible fences' things

what kind of addition to the bill are we talking about were i to accidentally kill mzebonga?
perhaps a few bucks and some cds

Oh, and who wants to buy me? - Mzebonga
you don't need to know anything until i sell your sorry ass.  in the meantime, you can go play in the sun 

Is Robert Gay
depends on the day... but i'm going to go with a yes

Where can u find robert the gay fuck?
in the gay fuck cafe on elm

i am back. or at least not to my knowledge...... carrot? i dare say it is? or do i? or at least not to my knowledge...... - Fidod Dido, all hail the Cats!
you know, your quality of questions has declined lately dido.  i will recommend to the cats that you need time in the kitty litter mines to clear your mind so you can ask good questions.  

wheres the damn message board? - Fido Dido
i know! i've been pestering mr programmer and he says 'yea i'll finish it this week.'  i have given him one more week and then it's fatal beating time

feck - Fido Dido (it is a quesition, its just up 2 u 2 decide the answer)
no, you suck, the cats are beginning to get annoyed with you....

y the fuck does everyone ask so long of a fucking question and how long is my penis chris
well sometimes people like to yap on about shit that no one else is really interested in.  like the time i was listening to this guy talk about his childhood days of bowling and how he won awards.  i don't care about bowling, i don't care about awards.  so i punched him in the face and ran away.

I'll have mzebonga, can I bitchslap him?, you know i like to do that and can I bitchslap you too?Sally Ps-while I'm at it can I bring my comb?
well we already have one offer in on mzebonga, but i will keep you in mind if it falls through.  perhaps if mzebonga lives, you can have the second term of service.  you may not bitchslap me, but feel free to bitchslap anyone else you see.  you may bring your comb if it makes you feel better.

Who's Leaf?
he's that guy who wants to win every year, yet somehow never pulls it together enough to win anything.  you know, hunting at the zoo isn't that much fun... there's so many little cages for the children to hide in.

How much fun can I have with my best friend?
well that depends.  going to a mall and pissing your pants together is fun, but not as much fun as leaving insane messages on someone's answering machine.  when you get older, you can introduce food into your activities.

do i pay the check out to dc or the insanedomain for mzebonga.... and also where would i mail it, or would you prefer a debit card... and does shipping apply?
pay it out to TheInsaneDomain.com and we will email you with the address, along with a manual for care of your pet mzebonga.  all warranties and service plans will also be forwarded to you.  we do indeed take credit cards, and shipping is extra but we offer various methods of shipping to suit your needs.

whoever gave birth to all the miscreants who write stupid questions should be shot in the face. and then the miscreants themselves should be tortured and then shot in each leg and once in the groin... so that they can drag themselves into a ditch and die a slow and bloody death. i'm tired of reading stupid questions. as far as i'm concerned every question for the last 2 months should have recieved and stinky monkey ass. and why the hell won't you ever answer my messages?
well i'm glad that somewhere in that lovely rant there was a question... and i answer all my messages unless they're phone messages because quite frankly, i can't be bothered with those who have stooped to using the phone to contact me.  if that makes me a nerd, then you can just suck on my tail bitch.

I got sunburn, do you want me to get the salt so you can rub it in again? - Mzebonga
ohhhhh.... do i ever!  i'll do that before i send you off....

NOOOO!!!! i'll try and make my questions better DC, i promise, cross Sallys heart and hope for her to die! ok, here goes.... how do the pictures on my tv and pc get there? are little men in the tv that act it out? what about radio? is there band in each one? where can i buy these midgets? why are dogs so stupid? will they be made slaves and guards when the Cats take over? are you going to have games on this wonderful site? shockwave is a very good medium, i think. you could have "spank the ass", "whip the programmer", and other insane games. is microsoft in league with the devil? who is the ambassador for the Cats? - Fido Dido, all praise the Cats!
The pictures get on your tv and pc from tiny aliens that enjoy acting out things.  they fly around acting out scene after scene and all you do is let dust build up on your screen you ungrateful bitch.  you may not buy midgets, or the aliens.  dogs aren't all stupid... just those ones that live in my neighborhood that like to bark at air for days.  the dog situation is classified right now.  games would be fun but i can barely get the programmers to make me a stupid forum, there is no way i'd get a game out of them.  i will be looking into shockwave & flash when i have a free moment.  whip the programmer sounds like a great game... perhaps i'll go play that now.  microsoft is in league with NASA.  i am the ambassador for the cats right now.  would you like to be my intern?  i'm sure you'd love to see my tail

Hey there! Who is the ideal girl for you. (pretend your straight for this one) ~Thanks
pretend i'm straight? what was i before?  the perfect girl... there is no such thing.  everyone is flawed in some shitty way.  in order to get along with me on any level, a chick must be intelligent, independent, not under 2 pounds of makeup, casual and of course, have a twisted sense of humor... sexy is a bonus... i like bonuses.  i'd also like it if she gave my tail a rub... 

what is the meaning of life ? ? ?
grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.... we all know it's 42 already so shut up

hey numnut u didnt answere my 2nd part of my 2 part question. how long is my penis chris
your penis is about 2 inches long... but not when fully erect.... my nuts were so numb i forgot to answer before

Maybe we should whip and bitchslap fido dido what do you think? For hoping me to die.We can maybe have him for sale too. Sally
sounds like a great time... are you offering to purchase him for your own sexual needs?

why do people put so much stock in "meeting new people?".. as if i want to hear their unoriginal opinions on everything.
exactly... unless they want to meet new people in order to conduct nasty experiments on them.  sometimes they just want to fuck new people... 

why do you think all of us are so stupid and why do you think the human race even deserves to be here were all just worthless
the human race doesn't deserve to be here... mainly due to the general stupidity of the race.  i for one think that humans just just leave the planet and die out in the vacuum of space.

Frankly, if you sell Fido Dido on the same market as me, I'm going on strike. I'm quality goods and I refuse to be marketed in the same way as a crappy thing that used to be used to make 7UP trendy in the 80's. Who do you think I am? Do you think I have no standards? - Mzebonga
you are on different markets, but in the same catalogue.  you don't really have any standards... just admit it and stop trying to look brave in front of the chicks

Ok. My imaginary friends dissed me serveral times, and I finally got them out of my head along with the voices, with the therapysts help(i know i spelled that wrong), so, I was wondering, will you be my new friend?
only if you do exactly what i say, finance everything i do and leave when i start gettin it on with your various family members

On the subject of "meeting new people", I think it would be valid to point out there are only three people on this planet and everybody else is exactly like one of them. You've got the first person who does things a certain way and the second person who has to do everything differently because he doesn't like the first person and the third person just doesn't fucking care. For example, you have people who listen to Britney Spears and you have people who listen to Slipknot and you have people who don't care. The arguments between the groups (like if Britney is better than Christina Aguleira or if Limp Bizkit should really be called a heavy metal) are just to prove how pathetic the whole flock of sheep are. And that's what's wrong with the world today, plain and simple. So, are you a first person, a second person or a third person? - Mzebonga
i would have to say that 80% of the time i'm person number 3... the rest of the time i'm number 2.  i kill number one people for the hell of it on weekends.  i listen to slipknot every once in awhile, don't give a flying fuck what type of music limp bizkit is classified as and think that brittney spears should be shot in the head... twice.

is my best friend gay
no, bisexual as far as i know.  so you can go ahead and plan that romantic dinner for the two of you.

Where did my german sheperd dog learn to kiss that special way she does?
your mother taught it well... just wait until the next lesson...

Can I fuck myself i I have a large banana and two cheese wheels on Tuesday when there are no stop signs around???
yes, just make sure that you don't give the banana to rogue apes... they will only use it for evil

wear can i get a japenese kabuki mask
apparently the best place is a Japanese antique store.  when you get one, pick one up for me too.

am i supposed to eat those packing peanuts that i get in the mail? some times i find prizes within them!
you eat the peanuts, not the prizes.  the light green peanuts are the best.  you might want to hand those peanuts out for halloween, but cover them with chocolate first.  make sure the chocolate isn't too hot though when you pour it on the peanut.

Hello dc. i'm asking you this because i'm not sure if i should contact a doctor yet. my girlfriend's period is a week late. we haven't had sex in a months, because we're supposed to be broken up, but we still see each other every hour of every day, do everything together, and still usually go down on/masturbate each other. yes, i know it's wierd, but that's how we are. she could'nt have had sex with anyone else. for one thing, i believe her when she tells me she hasn't. another, we live in the country. there's no one really for her to have sex with except redneck inbred fuckers, who she hates. also, we've spent every day together for a long while now. she's worried that maybe one of the mutual masturbation sessions we've had caused some semen to get inside her, but that can't be, as i'm extremely careful, even with pre-come. we're getting worried, even though we know that periods can be this late. if she is pregnant, i'll be with her through it, but... i'm rambling. i know it's probably not that big of a deal yet, but tell me dc, is this normal? the lateness? does this happen to a lot of girls, however occasional? or should we worry?
well, chicks sometimes are late when any of the following are changed  diet/exercise/stress levels/sleep patterns.  some chicks just skip them every once in awhile, much to their dismay.  the other thing you should consider is that your girlfriend may have been abducted by aliens and carrying an alien child.  if this is the case, your child will probably let you drive the spaceship if you're real nice to it.

what do you name a matchbox sized black bear?
Harold (or Hilly) the matchbox sized bear.  then you create a website for people to worship it.

are u gay?
this is the last time i'm letting this question through... as i know that you are ALL interested in me sexually and need to know if i'd swing your way or not.  i'll swing any which way as long as you have enough money.

Why are you a ugly monkey?
you have mistakenly send me a question that you ask yourself... and besides, i like my furry ugly ass the way it is

Why are the evil Penquins always trying to take over my world? It is starting to get really annoying and its interfering with my plans for world domination. --Ted M. Berry, King of Mexico
well, the penguins have become upset with your flagerant use of the word 'tissue'.  when you say it, they can all hear it no matter where they are.  they just want it to stop

have u ever been humped by a bestiality obsessed farmer who like 2 butt fuck monekys?
not lately... but i might have been drugged.  can you imagine anyone being so fucking sad and lonely that they have to drug innocent sock monkeys for sex?  anyone who does that should be charged with attempted murder.

What can I use around the house to get an orgasim-im a guy
your hand... a mitten... a pie... or the best tools possible...a combination of your hand and the internet.  newsgroups are an excellent source of free porn

"Have you ever danced with the Devil in the pale blue light?" Batman Just curious. The squirrel that ate my left small toe said he did and liked it. --- InsaneLane
i danced with the devil in a pale red light, and i loved that squirrel damnit.

I stole my neext door neighbors boxers, and he came over asking for them back. I got really nervous, and ran away. He came back a couple days later and told me it would have been fine if I stole them if he hadn't been wearing him. He then snuck upstairs and stole the boxers back. Do you think I should bribe him for them back by telling the whole world how small his package is? Oh...too late.
well since you've already told the world about his small package, it is time to get your own boxers.

Can I ask your age, sex, looks, and things you enjoy? The word sex can be used twice in this answer.
i'm 24... i try to have it as much as i can, i look often but somtimes need to look twice and i enjoy when people send me money, give me money, give me faith no more/mr bungle/fantomas items, and give me money

This is not a question, but rather a suggested additon to the 'Things That Suck' List. Going to the doctors and having to pee in a cup, but fuck up and peeing all over your hands really sucks.
that's a good one... as well as being drunk while doing that, getting nervous, forgetting that it's piss and somehow thinking it's beer...

WHY DOES SKUNK LIVES IN CHURCH?
it's not a skunk... it's just the whole organization has been stained with the blood of many innocent people... its hard to ignore the stink of ignorance and hate... so just stay away from that place and everything will be just fine

Do you have time off from your sock monkey duties to read? If so, have you read "The Eyre Affair" by Jasper Fforde? I take it from past questions / answers that you've read Douglas Adams' books - if you like them, I think you'd appreciate this. EP
i have never heard of that, but will now look into it.  douglas adams kicks ass so anyone that writes like him is worth checking out.  lately i've been watching movies... waydowntown is a wicked movie, and jay & silent bob strike back was pretty funny (if you've seen the other movies).

Is it true that those wrapers on new CD cases are designed by satan himself? -gone postal
no, satan wouldn't waste time on that... those nasty little ass-elves create those and the potato chip bags

narf. my computer is fucked up and is running in 640x480 resolution with 16 colours. how can i fix it? will the Cats grant us loyal servants leisure time? can i crash here 2nite? if i am sold to sally, will i still be able to serve the Cats? i saw lots of cow cocoons the other day. are they an enemy of the Cats? do they need to be destroyed? - Fido Dido
go into your monitor settings and change them, or go to www.icompshop.com, find out where they're located and buy another monitor that will support higher resolutions.  only some of the cats servants will have free time... it depends on your service record, performance etc.  my place is full tonite.  you will always serve the cats, and they want to see you serve Sally.

what is actually in Delaware? - Fido Dido
uh... i think some broken glass is there.... i think it's green glass

Do you kiss
always... would you like to kiss my tail?

Can I write you a story? - Mzebonga
sure... email it to me though...

well dc, she had her period, so everything's alright... kind of... now i have fatherhood stuck in my head... can i get in trouble for raising a monkey to act like a human, and sending it to public school?
well that's great... children are horrible and everyone should be sterilized.  and of course you wouldn't be in trouble for doing that... that is what everyone else does

on the mailing list page thingy, you've got "burntheusamzebonga" as someone who has signed up. is this a typo? - Fido Dido
i have no idea what you're talking about... perhaps you should lay of the crack... in fact come here... i'm gonna spank your nasty little ass

and this goes to all of you because i feel like it

so wha do you think of stile selling stileproject.com for millions?
i think whoever bought it deserves to be ripped off for millions... why doesn't someone tell them to buy this site for billions???

where can i go to find an extremely hard to find cd by a defunct local band, on a seemingly defunct label?
uh... check ebay maybe... locate other fans and see what they suggest... pimp yourself out in the hopes of finding one in some 'client's' car

if i practiced at it for a while, would the afro-men from venus eat my ass out and sing me reverend horton heat songs while spanking my love with wet noodles and gravy? would it help me to find some food at whataburger, because i can't eat at my local one because i'm afraid they'll fuck with my food, because i quit in the middle of a rush, and left without clocking out because they're fuckheads fuckheads goddamn cunts i was the only whiteboy on that shift so they were racist to me kill the  (no don't think that you aren't racist you're just mad at them) damnit all to hell as i ascend into the baboons intestines, never to discover shannon elizabeth and julia stiles waiting nude in my bed for me oh god why not please?
uh... whatever... i'm moving onto the next question now... however i feel inclined to encourage you to send me money for having to read your ramblings... although i did like the spanking your ass with wet noodles and gravy part....

got any change?
somewhere around here...

what is your favorite wesite besides this one???
hmmmm... i don't really have one i guess... i just surf around to whatever... i'm trying to find one... honest

no question here... dc, you are the shit. thanks for everything. love the site, too.
well there's no question here but i'll forgive it due to the wonderful comments you sent in... it made my tail all quivery with excitement

Is it possible for sock monkyes such as your self to survive without your tail? If it was removed, would you grow a new one back? Also, I happen to enjoy eating tripe. Is there anything wrong with that? -gone postal
our tail is EVERYTHING.  yes they grow back when cut off... doesn't yours?  you can eat all the tripe you want... i for one won't complain

i need a job. can you help me out? can i work for the insanedomain? i know lots of html, like how to make my words look funny in chatrooms, and i can find things on the internet using GOOGLE! i am willing to work hard for you sir!
well we don't have any openings here... and come to think of it, none of us get paid.  if in the future we require someone to look for things in google using funny fonts, then we will be sure to contact you

Is someone using my name in vain on your mailing list? I haven't actually signed up yet, so, am I developing fans? Are these people aware they can get to my website from your links page? - Mzebonga
it was someone with a mzebonga.com address... i assumed it was you or your socks dressing up as you again.  you know, you really should discipline them

do you think david sedaris is funny?
never heard of him so i'd have to say no

can i please have a stinky monkey butt?
you have to dance for it damnit... now dance! dance! dance!

when cat get high off the funky green plant do their eyes get red or orange?
depends on the type of the 'funky green plant' and if it has been chemically treated in any way.  sometimes the eyes will get yellow off the really good stuff

Would you help me rape Barney?
no, but afterwards i will help you beat him to death

If I were to pay you great amounts of money and/or ten of my finest hoes, would you consider helping me steal Britney Spears for my own sexual pleasure? Also, we'd have to kill that Justin Timberlake, but I think he would be no problem if we just gave him some new panty hose. thanks.
well if you like fake little airheads then that's your problem... i will only assist in carving her sorry ass apart.  new panty hose... is it black?

Will you send me money?
hmmmm.... no

Hey I'm back from my trip refreshed and stuff. So whats the goss? I had an excellent trip but dont ask about the toilets.And no I didn't buy anything for you. Sally
damn... i wanted pictures of those toilets damnit...

How can make a girl happy if she is angry with me very much?
leave the country after signing over everything you own over to her.

Couldn't it be that it was in fact the road which shifted beneath the chicken?
i think you're onto something there... i have had that happen many times to me...

DC, Why do the little people that live under my bed try to steal my toes?
they were there before you were so the question is why are you there and refusing to share your toes?

what do you call someone that eats their own skin?
well i'd call them their name i suppose... i would call them sick if they peeled off their skin, baked it for a bit, sprinkled it with garlic salt and served it all in a bowl.

BLOODY FUCKING SPONGE MONKEY!!! IT'S ALL A CONSPIRACY!!! WHY ARE ALL THE DAMN EVIL LAWN GNOMES AFTER ME?! Do you have any fried beer? -"some mentally deranged chick"
well, those lawn gnomes are related to the infamous gnomes of the forest.  i think that you should arm yourself with a hammer.  i have no fried beer here....

HWAH!! Are you the suspicious shrimp? If so, stay away from me!!! -"some mentally deranged chick"
no suspicious shrimp here... and what the hell do they mean that pearl harbor still leaks diseal fuel into the water?  what the fuck? haven't they had more then enough time to clean it up?  stupid humans

in how many ways and words can you say nothing?( it's an fnm lyric, do you know what song?)
of course i know what song... and i AM naked in front of the computer

confusious say "man who stand on toilet, high on pot".could this possible be the same "man who go through aiport turnstlye sideways, going to bankok"? if this is the same man he will soon win a darwin award.
those darwin awards rock...  and i'm not in the mood to comment on pot or bankok... perhaps another time

Have you ever fed mescine to a cat?? If so did the cat eat a couch?
i would never give drugs to a creature that didn't ask to have them... besides medication that is.  if my cat ate my couches, i'd be pretty pissed

do any sockmonkeys like bukkake?
maybe some do... others might not

why does the part of my earring that is submerged in flesh always stink when i take it out? i don't know anyone else like this. it's not infected... have you heard of this?
maybe it is the earring... is it a cheap material? maybe you should rip the earrings out of other people to sniff them and find out if it's just you

what were the last 5 cd's you bought? you can guess if you don't remember.
fantomas - the directors cut, crystal method - tweekend, Lexx soundtrack, orgy (whatever the new one is i don't recall the album name), and sisters of mercy (i think it's some girls wander by mistake) 

If a cat gets high do their eyes turn red?
i don't know... i have never gotten my cat high or been near a high cat

i... want... my... monkey butt... dammit...
not a question... but i will give you the monkey ass to lick so maybe you'll shut up

what would happen if i got a speeding ticket, but i payed the fine by mail and i overpaid by a few dollars, so they sent me a refund check, but i never cashed it?
well you'd be out a few bucks and you'll annoy their accounting system... maybe.  cash it and send the money to me

are the cow coccoons evil? is the purple really purple or is it just red? how annoying is 16 colours? why are americans so stupid? Cap'n Fibre sayz: "Eat More Bran!" - Fido Dido
cow cocoons are evil... humans are.  purple is just a state of mind and doesn't actually exist. 16 just isn't enough for my liking.  because they are human... i think.   bran is ok but needs more raisins.

Do you feel as though there is a strange cat like creature living in those long pillars in front of the white house?
there might have been, but i think all those loud noises scared it off... it might be in the grand canyon now.

i can't believe all this shit... it was so coordinated... i've ben to new york ciy, but i never got to go to the top of the world trade center. i just saw it in nyc a year ago, when i was passing through. america was so comfortable, we never anticipated this. dc, i'm honestly meaning this as a sort of report. my cousin is in the air force. he says that they were briefed on all this, and that the plane that went down in pennsylvsvania was headed towards washington, and was shot down, but for now they're keeeping it under wraps. what do you think of all this??
i've never been to New York, and I don't think I'll be going anytime soon.  what do i think of all this? i think that humans are to blame.  Get rid of ALL humans and suddenly the world is a great place to be... 

How did America become so vulnerable to terrorist attacks? 20 years ago, nothing like this morning was even thought possible. -gone postal
become vulnerable?  at every second of every day, we are vulnerable.  with the level of intelligence and technology we have out there, no one is ever really safe.  the problem is other people.... and when we are seeing the news... remember that we are only seeing 1/4 of the truth.  we will NEVER know the truth... so don't let the media manipulate you into hating or believing things that aren't true.

why is it that more ugly people than good looking people get laid? - ripping into bliss
i think it is because all the ugly people get drunk and then just start fucking whatever moves.  let's face it, most good looking people are nothing but makeup, pretend and stupidity.... so you're just fucking someone who LOOKS like they're good looking, but they are just ugly people dressed up as good looking ones.

What the fuck is going on? - Mzebonga
well, it seems to be a bit windy out... so not much going on outside my window.  ana is sleeping on her house, and i am just updating this part of the site.  i think that's it.  oh... well there are those hooker sock monkeys in the closet... but they can't come out for another hour.

I cant believe what I saw on my television here in Australia about the planes crashing into those buildings . How can people do shit like this?I just couldnt believe it. Sally
this is what humans do to each other... sadly enough.   i say that each country can have a planet, and people get to decide where they want to live.  if you don't like your neighbors, well they're millions of light years away so who cares what they do.

Why is it so dark in here?
we didn't pay our electrical bill... and we kinda like it dark in here... everyone looks sexier in darkness... well... for some it just makes them less ugly.

eat more bran, eat less brain. this is the message our kids should be getting. i dont have any kids. argh my spleen! what is a spleen? what do we use them for? what happens if i do this? - Fido Dido
a spleen is one of those things that are inside humans that do something or other to keep them alive.  what happened when you did that was trees began to sway and rocks began to tumble until a deer ran away.

Is the mayor from Nightmare Before Christamas related to you?
he is my favorite uncle... he gives the BEST gifts

why do men love to masterbate
the same reason that women love it... it feels good and you don't have to be nice to anyone afterwards.  in fact, you don't even have to spend time making someone else feel good... just yourself.  the major point for masterbation... no chance of getting someone/yourself pregnant

Do aliens on other planets kill themselves off as much as humans do? Why haven't they finished us off yet? -gone postal
i don't know if aliens kill themselves off.  i'm sure some of them have for one reason or another, but if they have evolved without religion then i would think that the death toll is less.  if i were an alien species i would just sit back and watch as the humans kill themselves off before they infect other planets... and i would come save a poor little sock monkey from this horrible planet.

Why is it that, when I finally earn enough money, I run out and buy my brand spanking new CD-RW and my laptop breaks down so now I have no money because it cost me a fortune to get it repaired? - Mzebonga
well that sucks... if you lived near me, i'd tell you where to get it fixed cheaply.  life likes to kick you in the groin when you think everything is ok.

argh! my spleen! its heading for the jam! nooooo! anything but the.... too late.... my foot! i trusted that foot.... noooooo! come back! please! i need you! i'm dying! nooooooooooo! why? why did this happen? magic. my gosh. my only gosh. - Fido Dido. i dont do drugs. magic?
well it could be magic, but i think that it is the direct result of consuming too much sugar.  try consuming coffee instead.

Is it possible that there are monsters in my closet that just want to be my friend?
it is always possible... but the monsters in your closet have emailed me and informed me that don't want to be your friend, but instead want to eat you when you close your eyes to sleep.  the only way to protect yourself is to hide under the covers.

nobody put there name to the stuff they did in school? I would have liked to see who did what, unfortunatly i never did anything like that.....Sally actually i remember something.....evil grinz
we're not sure if we should put our names or not... but perhaps we will.  there are many of them that are myself and JCP... we'll be adding more soon... and some of you have sent in some really funny stories so far... so send in your story sally...

Do sock monkeys have slpeens?
no, and we don't have spleens either... we have plenty of fluff though... and some of us have wires to keep our tails all stiff

Boxers or Briefs?
boxers

what the hell is that green head thingy??
its some sort of strange bird that makes people feel all special when they get it

The difference between British and Americans is, Americans think a hundred years is a long time, and the British think a hundred miles is a long drive. is it me or are americans the curse of this earth? i do not condone the death of anyone. magic? coffee? <runs round room> hehehehehehehehehe! my spleen! bush is a prat. prat prat pratty prat prat. no more coffe 4 meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee - Fido Dido. o yeah, question.... erm.... jam?
i think that all humans are the curse of this earth.  magic sometimes, coffee always.... and sometimes strawberry jam is acceptable

If the US goes to war and Canada backs us up, are you going to enlist?
no i would never enlist.

Why is it that, when I have a bath, the water always feels colder around my legs and feet than it does around my shoulders? - Mzebonga
well, you probably have some sort of serious circulation problem and you might die from it.  just enjoy it while you can.... and if you didn't wrap your legs with clingwrap before going in, it would feel even more different.  also, no wet suit is needed for a bath.  in fact, you shouldn't even have a bath, because as soon as you sit in it, you are then sitting in dirty water.  have a shower instead.

wooh. i finally woke up. Well i'm hungry. give me food. and be my bitch. please?-Laser-MONkEY
well you did say please... but no... i will not be your bitch.  however, perhaps i can lend you Mzebonga and he can be your bitch.

Is Cyndi Lauper the devils daughter?
come to think of it... i did see her at the devils mansion... i think you could be right...

DC. I have a real problem. My monkey says I am not depended enough on his monkey needs. He says if I don't straighten up and start treating him like the desent monkey he is, he will find another. what do I do?- ZIMIAN
you should straighten up and start treating him like the decent monkey he is.... NOW.  also, send me all your money, and anything that your monkey doesn't want... like maybe fantomas tickets?

Um... i have a question. Like... if you took a large cinder-block and like... a... dropped it on a lab rat,how did the chicken like... uh... cross the freeway? Grassy-ass.
i would guess that the chicken crossed the freeway by using it's legs, but since chickens are devious little creatures with nasty beaks, it could have done a variety of things to get across the road.  damn chickens... i don't trust them enough to eat them

Why did the purple banana choose to lick my almighty one-eyed pencil sharpener? WHY.... second of all... what are you doing playing with that grenade? young master harold the pinecone-tooting seamunkey said " ENVELOPE! let the young ones alone in their native plastic curtain rod. ~ KiM ~
WHAT? the purple banana licked the one-eyed pencil sharpener???!!! NOOOOOOO!  what is this world coming to? first a chicken goes across a freeway and now... sob... i just can't take it all... the grenade will make it all better... 

Assume the only things in the universe are a straight road and you standing on it. If instructions, remembered from a previous life, told you that the only way out was "down the road" how would you determine which way this is?
well, i would probably just stand there awhile and think how nice it is without anything else around to confuse or bother me.  then i would get bored, remember that instruction from my previous life and then wonder... 'what the hell is a road?'  then i would probably itch my ass.

what would be the most painful way to kill somebody? how would i accomplish this without getting caught?
most painful... hmmmm... well it would have to long and drawn out... how about just let them live out their life as a human... but you can't do that sort of thing.  i would say marry them... that will torture them for years and no one will suspect a thing.

Wheres your G-spot?
on the tip of my tail

When you join the cats in taking over the world, will you kill off all the humans, or just use them as slaves? Can I have a few? And dogs are considered mans best friend. Could they really be cats in disguise getting into an easier position to take over they world? Getting the humans to trust them before they kill their owners/targets? -gone postal
some of the humans will be used as slaves, and some will be loyal servants, all others will be shot off into space to die.  you may not have any humans unless you're a cat.  Dogs are under the control of cats, not cats in disguise.... however i will be sure to pass on your idea of them using the dogs to get close to them.  it sounds like you'll be a good servant to the cats

HEy DC. I saw the similar question to mine that you just answered and it reminded me of the discusssion me and some friends had. What do you think would be more painful/grusome to be injured or killed? This is what I can up with: I think a hatchet right to the center of the knee cap. One of my friends said to be hung by a large hook placed inder the jaw, and my other friend said a can or other hard object hit squarely against the bridge of the nose. Can't wait for your input DC. --InsaneLane
hmmm... the most painful would be to live for hundreds of years with constant pain from a toothache.  the most gruesome way to be killed would probably be to have each layer of skin slowly pulled off of you with rusty tweezers and be intermittently sprayed with lemon juice.  a large hook under the jaw is indeed nasty though...

The purple people i see keep telling me to eat them, but they dont wash thier hands after using the bathroom. I tell them that i don't want thier iicky potty germs in my tummy, but they insist i eat them. what should i do?- everymonkey'sbitch
take them swimming first, and then they'll be clean to eat.  if they refuse, then start talking about the color orange... they will go mad with fury and explode.... then you can clean their bits up and eat them.

Do you know what the meaning behind Winona Ryder picking shit movies lately is?
meaning? does there have to be meaning?  i don't think there is any meaning to it, perhaps she's just being paid a whole lot or owes bad writers/filmmakers favors.  when she does start doing good movies, then that means that the end is near.

Dude. I love fake ass little air heads SO much, how did you know? btw, the panty hose would have to be pink, gay singer guys don't wear tight gothic clothing. So you'll help me?!!?!
i'll help anyone who pays me too... i am a whore for money... but you can rub my tail for free.

Can I have the good question award for this question?
no, it isn't a good question...

Why is my question pathetic?
you didn't put much thought into it... and you didn't send me money

Have I asked this questions before? - Mzebonga
twice on a friday and once on a tuesday.

So the were chickens and there were eggs, right? Who cares? - Mzebonga
right, and exactly.  i have been protesting the discussion of chickens and eggs for years now.  not only are chickens alien creatures from the planet Cluck, but those eggs are some nasty business to be eating.  I mean really, you are eating aborted chickens... how can that NOT be wrong?

I sit apparent from the amount of questions I'm asking, just how bored I am? - Mzebonga
you must be bored, so i think you should come up with better questions, or start making up stories to share with us.  if you send me money, then i will send you a box filled with great stuff to play with and to amuse you for hours.

what do you do if your best friend runs off with your goat?
get a cow, they are very loyal.  that goat was a slut anyways and was sleeping with all your barnyard animals.

how long is a chinaman?
about... well... that long.

did you know that i haven't visited this site for a while? i'm back now. hi. how have things been in the 8 months or so i've been gone?
welcome back, things have been alright i suppose.  perhaps you can send in some good questions and help out Mzebonga, fido dido, sally and empriss nikon.  today is an especially shitty day for questions... people seem to forget that THIS IS FOR QUESTIONS

how do i pronounce the band name "pere ubu?" peer ooh-boo? per you boo? if you don't know it, will someone out there please tell me? help me...
i would guess that it's pronounced 'pe-air youboo" but i'm just a sock monkey.

can you see my IP address?
i can see your little willy... your pants aren't zipped up

i wanna rock a sock. i wanna fuck and tuck. i wanna beat the l33t. i wanna slap a map. i don't wanna grow old with gold. i don't wanna mull over a skull. you shitty, spineless, key-punching, slushee slurping fucker- give me a good question award or i'll kidnap that cat of yours (yeah, i've seen it on webshots) and implant one of those fucking remote controls they're putting on cockroaches into it. oh, you want a question, you fucking loser? okay, that last sentence had a question mark. that's a question. it also means hop to it, cretin, and post that stupid looking little skull thing that you stole from some kids angelfire page.
no question award for you... and that kid probably got it off of some other site or this one... it's not exactly a one-of-a-kind image.

if you had a choice, dc, would you rather drown in cat shit mixed with human shit, or die from being gutshot? and no changing the subject. only those two choices.
i would rather be shot, as that is quicker and less terrifying.

isn't my ass cute?
sometimes... but your sister's is way cuter

isn't duct tape handy?
it is... and it feels so good on the skin

who do you miss more, joey ramone or kurt cobain?
i don't really miss either one of them as i never knew them, but i guess that i'll pick joey ramone

isn't bill clinton cool?
no not really

o,o o o it's magivald,de nominus esperanto who do you think should be the logical successor to mister bumbity-bump? sister we thump-thump.
i think that the mayor of Tiddlywink Town should be the successor

hey jimmy, look at this! i'm on dc! when this gets posted you can see my words! my phone# is changed now! it's 564 instead of 569 now. call me so we can tell the chicks about theat road trip.
this isn't a question... damnit people is it that fucking hard to ask QUESTIONS?!  there are sections for people to write in stories, fill out shit and everything and yet you insist on being losers who haunt me with horrible questions and things that aren't questions at all!

what are you doing?
answering pathetic questions and debating if i should keep the next fucking BOOK of a question next.

Well, a million people have expressed their opinions about the recent acts of terrorism here in the United States. I'm not going to bore you with my opinions on the war itself today, because there are plenty of message boards out there for that which I'm sure you've already been involved in. Instead, I want to talk to you about how I had to spend my evening during this national crisis at the video store where I work. And then I want to share with you something that I witnessed which was just as surreal as seeing the twin towers collapse before my very eyes.  So let us begin...  My entire day was already gone as I was glued to my TV watching all of the chaos ensue, so it was damned near impossible for me to drag myself away from it to call into work. I was calling to see if they were actually going to be open tonight and whether or not I had to come in. You see, I THOUGHT the boss might have one tiny SHRED of intelligence in his body, but apparently he doesn't. He decided that keeping the video store open was a good idea!  A GOOD IDEA!?!? This is a day in which NOBODY in their right fucking mind would want to rent a movie. NOBODY. How can any movie compare to all of the chaos that was going on in real-life on our television sets right before our very eyes? No movie can, and I tried explaining that to my boss and the co-workers, but they were all too damned thick-skulled to listen to the constantly angry freak-boy. He could have been cool and said, "Go home and be with your friends and families or go donate some blood. Today we'll forget about work." He could have, but he didn't.  So fine, I didn't like it, but I was stuck working there for the remainder of the day. I figured I'd just watch the news on our TV all day long. Then I realized that we didn't get ANY stations on the TV... it only played movies from the VCR. DAMNIT!!! So we had to use this shitty AM radio that was so scratchy and hard to get any reception, it almost made me feel like I was buried under all of that rubble in New York.  I was already fuming about being basically cut-off from all of the news going on in the outside world. We didn't have many customers the entire night... but the fact is, we shouldn't of had ANY customers. And here's where it got REAL BAD...  Some idiot comes walking into the store and says "Hey! Did ya hear about New York?". Mind you it was already 9pm when this baboon walked into the video store. I don't think there was anybody that hadn't heard about what happened in New York by that time. But I shrugged that stupid statement off in hopes that this guy would go away so that I could fiddle with the AM radio some more and try to determine if I was listening to a World War or a commercial for Pepto Bismol.   And then he came up to the front desk...  Now brace yourself, because this fool single-handedly has made me loose any SLIVER of hope for mankind.  This clump of primordial ooze with a wallet was renting"DUDE WHERE'S MY CAR?".  I repeat: "DUDE WHERE'S MY CAR?".  I stared at him in disbelief. This had to be a joke. But it wasn't. I was completely speechless. He paid the money and I handed the movie to him. "Thanks!" he said, and he walked out of the store with glee. Man, if you thought seeing those two towers collapse was surreal, imagine trying to comprehend how a person could decide, "Hey, you know what? It's high time I rent 'DUDE WHERE'S MY CAR?'!" on the day of one of the most devastating attacks in our nation's history. Probably the biggest news story we'll ever see in our entire lifetime. Incredible news stories and disaster footage developing throughout the day and this fuck rents none other than "DUDE WHERE'S MY CAR?".I'm sorry folks, I give up. You're on your own. I'm turning in my "human" badge. I'm no longer a part of this race. I can't allow myself to be associated with the same species of jackass like that pathetic waste of a man. But before I go, how about we gather anybody else who rented a movie today. Let's gather them all up and put them in a really tall building and send an aircraft filled with tons of fuel crashing into it. Perhaps then the reality of the situation will strike them as a little bit more interesting than watching goddamned "Dude Where's My Car?".
i thought it was an OK movie

how much would you charge for a sockjob, you sexy sockmonkey you
nothing, you can give me a sockjob anytime you want... especially today as i'm quite tense

why does the world hate me?
why shouldn't it?  the world is filled with nasty stupid people who don't use any percentage of their brains and yet they are allowed to live and breed.

Why do my farts smell of onions? - fergus o'dimbal (t'beeshur)
i think that your constantly eating onions may be the cause... but perhaps you should take another sniff and make sure

So what should I write stories about? - Mzebonga
write stories about a frazzled sock monkey who has to have wisdom teeth removed tomorrow and is surrounded by a bitchy cat that always wants to be fed, ungrateful people who don't ask questions and no one ever sends me money in the mail... it's such a hard life....

If North was South and South was North, then the whole problem of the southern hemisphere being impoverished and blighted would be solved. A foolproof plan, wouldn't you agree? - Mzebonga
good idea... but then the damn north would suck and the south would have everything.  i say we sink all the continents, then shoot the planet into the sun.  that would take care of everything!

What do you do if a caterpillar crawls up your ass?
giggle

Why do stores that are open 24 hours a day have locks on the doors???
I've already answered this before and i don't feel like looking for my answer...

Someone strolls back onto the site after 8 months of absense and you greet them back asking them to please helps the likes of me, Fido Dido, Sally and Laser Monkey. You ungrateful little shite, what if all of us fucked off and left you and your little friend to ask questions on this site? I bet the question would be really fucking crappy then, wouldn't they? Just you think about that, young man. - Mzebonga (feeling really pissy today)
actually i had meant that you and those i mentioned were the only ones asking good questions.  the new person could therefore take note of your questions and perhaps follow your fine examples.  sorry you took it the wrong way... and i've given you a good question award to make it up to you

On the average, how much time per hour do you spend answering, deleting, or ignoreing questions you get on here? Do you do anything else with them? -gone postal
well depending on how many questions have been asked, i usually spend about 20 minutes to an hour answering.  it's a rare case where i delete a question, and i only do so if the rules have been broken.  i answer about 99% of what is sent in.   i haven't done anything else with them... just answer them on here

what are some of your favorite websites, besides this one?
to be honest, i don't usually visit the same websites all the time... i spend a lot of time on newsgroups though as i am a wallpaper junkie.  the ipecac website i visit about once every few days, but that's so i can get the scoop on fantomas and patton projects.

what's your favorite metallica, faith no more, primus, stone temple pilots, alice in chains, soundgarden, and nirvana albums?
metallica - master of puppets and ride the lighting  faith no more - angel dust and king for a day  primus - i don't actually own any of their albums  stone temple pilots - core   alice in chains - dirt and face lift (although alice in chains has never really had a bad album)  soundgarden - superunknown but i'm not a big fan of them  nirvana - in utro and incesticide

do you feel happy? have you "found yourself?' do you feel content, and not like you're stuck in a rut?
i'm not happy because i am leaving in an hour to have my teeth yanked out.. i don't think i've found myself yet, but i'm looking.  i am soooo in a rut it isn't funny anymore, but i'm working on it... and sometimes i cry because i am so utterly alone... well ok the last part was a lie but i'm trying to make you feel sorry for me

So, I had this plan, having read the WHOLE "Dude Where's My Car?" scenario. That plan was to attempt to kill whoever wrote it. This met with the problem that I don't know who or where that "whoever" is. So, plan B: I decided to kill myself. Which struck me as both selfish in that it left the problem for others to cope with and really didn't solve anything much. So plan C is where you come in: what do you say if we blow everybody up so they stop talking about what a shit time they had in a video store and the jackasses that rent "Dude Where's My Car?"? Sound good to you? - Mzebonga
i think that plan c is the best plan ever.  let me know what you need from me and i'll be sure to do what i can.  you get a good question award for actually reading that whole 'dude where's my car' entry.

Who shot the sheriff? Wasn't it Bob Marley? So who shot the deputy, if Bob protests his innocence? - Mzebonga
i think that he must have had an accomplice of some sort that shot the deputy, unless the sheriff accidentally shot the deputy when trying to shoot Bob.  I'm glad he missed Bob though.

What does the Tooth Fairy really do with all the teeth she collects?
yes, and she puts them in orbit around saturn... those rings aren't made of dust

Where do I send your money to? -gone postal
me... i have a po box but i lost the information so when i find it, i'll let you know!  in the meantime, just save your money for me

open up a word doc. and type NYC in caps then make the font 72 while highlighted, then change typesetting to webding and see your results... isn't that a bit strange?
that is indeed strange.... try it people... i wonder if that was planned....

which monkey is the most evil... the one who speaks it, sees it or hears it?
i would have to say the one who speaks it.  stupid monkeys always talking evil....

Isn't it amusing how, if you accidentally mispronounce the word "popcorn", you change from talking about a sweet or savory snack that you eat at the cinema to talking about movies that you watch of an adult nature involving police officers? - Mzebonga
that was a good observation... you get two points to be used at any store you don't like in a town far far away.  be sure to use them before noon tomorrow.

So when I finally picked him out of the corner of my toenail, the bastard refused to pay me the rent he owed. I mean, he'd been travelling around under there for days, you'd think he owed my some money. So I called the bailiffs to make him pay up. Do you think that was unreasonable? - Mzebonga
no, i think that you were quite reasonable.  i hope you get your money back and that bastard is thrown into a wood chipper.

I can't afford to have a phone or internet connection in my new pad. Is there a charity I can appeal to? - Mzebonga
hmmm... well you can get free time from AOL but then you also lose your soul.... and there are plenty of free internet services if you're willing to deal with some ads... i would suggest that you stop eating food and spend the money on the internet connection instead.

DC, if i give you everything you want, can I be your bitch. I know the special way you like your tail stroked. And why are you so damn sexy?!?! - ZIMIAN..
yes you can be my bitch... and i'm so damn sexy because my tail is so long and fluffy.   shall i send you my list of what i want now?

why wont i get a good question award?
you don't ask good questions

How can you say nothing with out saying something? --InsaneLane
tape your mouth shut and see if you can figure it out... try it for at least 2 weeks.

this is the guy who fucked off for 8 months. just so you know, i have actually posted many good questions, it's just that no one would know it, as i don't sign my goddamn name on every little question i have. and i didn't really abandon you, dc. i just wandered about the internet and realized that i really like this site, so i came back. this is seth. remember me? dc, you know i've been visiting this site for a long time. anyway, here's my question, and fuck you, mzebonga, if it's not witty enough for your oh-so-loyal brownosing ass. i'm in a shitty mood, too. here goes: would it please god to follow the golden rule, treating others the way you would like to be treated, if you worshipped a little idol with a heathen sailor, because the sailor wanted you to? technically, you would be following the golden rule, yet breaking one of the ten commandments.
seth... indeed i remember you and welcome back.  i know that others were wondering where you had gone.  so treating others they way you want to be treated doesn't mean that you do whatever they want... unless you can convince all those brainless idiots to believe that and then we can tell them that we'd really like some money.

I thought of a real good question earlier today, but I forgot it. Do you know what it was? -gone postal
hmm... i thought i did for a minute, but that was just a sock i sat on

I know you'll probably say "go ask the Beaver", but dam, I'll ask anyway... How much wood would a woodchuck chuck (assuming a woodchuck could chuck wood)?
well, i would think that a woodchuck could chuck as much wood as it could if it chose to chuck wood.

Did you get your little red and green boots from one of Chris Kringle's elves? I just noticed that they have the those curled up toes like only elves have on their shoes. Or are you a spy from the north and are only pretending to be a wise sock puppet monkey? Shouldn't you be making toys right now instead of answering questions? just wondering...
my mother made those boots for me, and she just happens to make them for the elves too.  i refuse to make toys unless they are for myself.  i am no puppet!  no one has their hand up my ass!

So I was really bored yesterday and I decided to try to educate myself. So I went to Yahoo (well, knowledge has to start somewhere) and sat in a Religion and Beliefs room. Now, bear with me because this bit almost makes the "Dude Where's My Car?" thing seem amusing. While I was sat there, these "Christians", well one of them, began to give news accounts of US forces leaving harbour and they began to type on the screen:  USA!USA!USA!USA!USA!USA!USA!USA!USA!USA!USA!USA!USA!USA!USA!USA!USA! And words to the effect of: "Bomb all Afgans". Now, it strikes me, and forgive me if I'm wrong, that politcally, there is no campaign against the Afgans just yet and it's juts the senior psychopath Binladen they're after. So where do "Christian" Americans who chase me out of their chat room calling me a commi and a fascist (two conflicting views) get off worshipping the state and loving the prospect of bombing Afghanistan? Whatever happened to "Thou shalt not kill?" "Love thy neighbour?" And why is it that the US thinks that Muslims on the whole are responsible? The generalisation really fucks me off. While I hate those responsible and I want to see the fuckers killed, wouldn't it be better to wait until the Afghans actually declared that they would not release Binladen? Wouldn't it be better to inform the US nation that it is not Muslims they are at war with? What the fuck is the US doing? I've had enough of them. - Mzebonga
the thing you have to remember about religions is that no logic may enter their minds.  xians are a great example of this, and that is why the xian church has a trail of blood leading to it.  religion makes people feel that they are better then others, and once you think you're better then others, you tend to believe that you can do whatever you want to them.  the religious freaks who hijacked the planes are the same sort of people that put others to death for thinking the world was round.  the masses of people are stupid and they like to put people in tidy categories to justify being assholes to them.  for all the people in the world who believe in a loving god, they certainly don't show it once their one hour on sunday is over.

im movies where they snort cocaine, i hear they use powdered sugar. but in movies like scarface, where the cocaine is practically breathed, wouldn't the sugar start to irritate the sinuses badly? how do they do that?
you mean they're not really doing cocaine?  well lucky for johnny depp i suppose.  i would guess that inhaling any sort of substance all the time (besides air) would get irritating.  perhaps they have medics there to clean their senses out.  if i ever find out the truth, then i will let you know

what would you consider to be the 10 worst albums put out by good bands?
metallica - anything after master of puppets is NOT the metallica i know, stone temple pilots - the newest one (why can't he just sing like he did on the first album and they shouldn't be allowed to do sappy love songs), faith no more - album of the year (it's not that it's a shitty album, it's just not up to faith no more standards), Danzig - i think it was his fourth album where he's trying to sound like trent reznor, Maryiln mansons - holywood, Fear Factory's obsolete or something (i don't remember the title) but it has some kind of worm thing on it, Bowie - that newer album with the old him and young him on it
that's about all i can come up with right now... usually i get pissed off, throw the cd in disgust... sometimes i brush them off and find out i was horribly wrong, but that has only happened with mr bungles california album and faith no more's king for a day

Can I actually take this moment to apologise to Seth? The question was not really an assault on him, more an assault on you, dc, for being a cheap slut. Do you think he'll forgive? - Mzebonga
no you can't apologize and you are the cheap slut who is rented out to all the sailors.  now shut your filthy mouth unless a paying customer tells you to open it...

I can't believe people are putting their phone numbers on here now. No you can't have mine. Haha Sally I thought I was your bitch dammit?
damn... we all wanted to phone you!  i have this great business opportunity for you and 9 of your closest friends... and of course you're my bitch... and what a good bitch you are.

Where can we go to ask the beaver a question? Sally
to the closest bathroom or you can write it in here and i'll get it to reply to you... i love asking the beaver questions

No more phone numbers Stop asking for good question awards No asking how long anything is You wear boxers ,how sexy Its obvious why men masterbate No more gay questions The meaning of life is 42 it just is don't ask why Sally ps-This is just some bullshit I was thinking about hahaha
tisk tisk saly there are no questions in this rambling of yours.... and i would think it is obvious why all people masturbate.  'aint got no woman next to me, i just got this magazine and what's on the tv screen, and that's ok with me'" mr bungle, girls of porn.

Why do doctors ask embarrassing questions? Who do doctors ask you to do embarrassing things? Why do doctors do embarrassing things to you? Sally
they get a big kick out of seeing peoples asses hang out of those gowns... and if they're asking you to get undressed for an ear infection, then you should switch doctors... and those little wooden sticks aren't meant for your ass.

i was asked what websites i go to besides this one and i completely forgot to add www.chillybeach.com
i watch those cartoons all the time and laugh my ass off.

Can I buy Mzebonga? I'll give you plenty of cash. But only if he comes with some orange jello. -gone postal
well... i'll have to check with his current owner... and i don't know if we still have the orange... i know the green is still around though.

Mzebonga- accepted! i also apologize, as i was rude. we are all brothers and sisters of the insane domain. let us all ask questions and be merry! dc, you spiffy sockmonkey you, i have a question. does pink floyd's "dark side of the moon" really match up with the "wizard of oz?" i tried it last night, right at where i heard to (after the MGM lions third roar) and nothing really matched up. am i doing it wrong, or is it just a lie?
i have never tried that to be honest... but apparently you start it with the roar of the lion or something... give it another shot and let me know if it actually works....

do you find bettie page to be sexy (as she was back then, not the "old hag" bettie)?
uh... i have no idea who this bettie is ... so i will go with the younger version being fairly uh... interesting.

how do canadians view americans? and how do they percieve they americans view them? is that a hair?
well i can't speak for all canadians but if there i personally think that a fair majority of them suck ass, however, not all of them and if they come to my site, then they are ok.  i think the world sees canada as part of the US but WE'RE NOT!

do you think gg allin and bill hicks are funny?
no because i don't know who the hell they are

This question is for ANYONE. Is Aus Rotten any good?
no idea what that is supposed to be so maybe someone will answer along with a question for me

i still think about a girl i haven't seen in 4-5 years. (kind of like "there's something about mary, from ben stillers aspect of course")she was my best friend for a year, and we started kissing and holding hands and cuddling a little right at the end of that year, when we both moved towns. i lost her address since then, and cannot contact her at all. is this creepy, pathetic, sweet... please help me. if i do find out her number or address, would it be wierd to try to contact her again?
i don't think it would be weird to contact her, but showing up at her house and proposing is a little too much.  look up her name in a local phonebook... other then that... i have no idea.

Do you have any piercings? Also, can sockmonkeys sew extra body parts and shit to themselves?
i used to have my eyebrow pierced but it grew out.  i guess we could... perhaps i should give myself a third arm

When are you coming over? Sally
a week from tuesday... oh no wait... there is no fucking way i'm getting on a plane... sorry

Did you not think my high school story was funny? Sally
funny?  interesting... cruel... but not ha ha funny... it bordered on amusing... send me another

Why do they sterilize the needle before a lethal injection??
i've already answered this..... (its towards the bottom with a good question award)

Why do stores that are open 24 hours a day have locks on the doors???
and i've already answered this...(its towards the bottom with a good question award)

What would happen to theinsanedomain.com if I were to accidentaly... uhh, I mean "someone" were to accidentaly shove SAnimal through a paper shredder? -gone postal
well... if that were to uh... accidentally happen... why this site would go on quite well without him

Am I for sale, again? But I thought I had pleased my new master. What must I do to find sanctuary? Will I ever be free? - Mzebonga
you are always for sale to the highest bidder.  you may only be free if you serve out the next 30 years in servitude, providing every service demanded of you with a smile to your master or mistress.  i'll even throw in some chew treats for you if you're good

almighty DC... answer this for me... If you turn an hourglass upside down, can you travel back in time? P.S. I just wrote up a story about the sockmonkey population, kitties, and the dirty, dirty humans.
that only works for eggs.  and please send in the story to us if it doesn't go on and on and on

What do you think of cyber sex and would you do it?
i think that as long as those involved are above the age 16 and consenting, then it's fine.  i would do it if i felt the intrest to do so... i've only done it once and it's not all that exciting... you're just playing with yourself while trying to type to someone else... yea freakin hoo.

Do you like the term "fucking" or "making love" ?
depends on the situation.  fucking is just the act of sex with no emotional ties.  making love is when you actually know the other persons name and plan on seeing them again within the next year.

Don't deny there is anything going on?
there is plenty going on but i'm not going to tell you anything

Will you join me in the spa?
sure... just hand me that towel...

Can I kiss you from head to toe?
sure you can

Do people that don't like feet hate other people touching their feet and saying how nice they are?
yes they do. i am among those who dislike feet and i don't like anyone touching them unless it is massaging them through socks and not discussing it.

Do you put out on the first date?
depends how much you pay me and if you've washed your hands.

Why is acid really illegal? Is it because the government is scared we will find out something they don't know?
acid is just a bunch of shitty chemicals that are not good for you.  organically grown mushrooms are better and not so damaging.  mushrooms should be legal, and acid should stay illegal for that reason.  the government is always afraid of us finding out something they don't know... they like to keep us like mushrooms... in the dark and fed shit

what are the lyrics to the baby balooga song???
hey there baby balooga... you've got a great big ass... stay away from that boat... they want to harpoon your carcass... hey there baby balooga... the dolphins love you so... hey baby balooga... come here and give me a blow

Do you think it is safe to play a Tori Amos song right after a Limp Bizket song. Won't the two end up melting the cd player if played in a row?
you stop that RIGHT NOW... throw out the tori amos cd and you just sit there and think about what you've done.  when you think you have thought about it long enough... then you can listen to cds again.

Sorry but I don't htink that I will be sending my story to you (I don't want the Super Seret Sockmonkeys A.K.A. SSS to hunt me down in the future and make me work the mines) but I would like you to ask me a question. So here goes, Why don't you just go with a VBulliten or a UBB bulliten board instead of just a generic set of forums? I know that it costs s little muny to use them but maybe you could put banner ads in (DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT POP-UPS!) Oh well it is just a suggestion.~Pyro
well, with those other types of forums, we do not have direct control over every little bit of the forum.  also, we have no money to spend on anything besides the domain name and hosting fees, and we refuse to have any sort of banners, ads or such items anywhere on our site.  we thought maybe you ungrateful freaks would appreciate not having them anywhere on the site.  no ads ever unless they are ones that we have made up! we have been bothering the programmers about the forum... so hopefully soon... and it will be worth it!  if you wanted to send us money to help out, well that's ok too.  i have found our po box info so we welcome cash of all sorts.  i'm not posting the info on the site, but if you contact us and tell us you want to send us something... then we'll give you the info

why is it that when I try to improve myself, it ussually just makes things worse? --InsaneLane
well, your idea of improving yourself is running around naked while singing nursery rhymes.  i would suggest that you get some clothes on and try to improve yourself by cleaning the streets and sidewalks of garbage.  when you have finished that, then come back and i'll tell you what to do next.

Is it true that the oppisite sex is what is responsible for the mojority of Insane people being Insane?
i blame both sexes and all humans in general.  if it wasn't for your species, insanity would be pure and fun like it used to be in the good old days.  the majority of people are stupid, not insane... only a select few are insane, and those who come to this site are in that small percentage.

My friend has a belly botton named george and it produces way too much lint. Is there anyway he/she can limit or iliminate this? --InsaneLane
george!  i was wondering how it was doing... tell it i say hi.  tell your friend not to wear clothing over it and to take it out on the weekends... it is quite social.