how much virgin blood is needed?
depends on the ritual and what you hope to achieve.  usually about 2 pints.

Will it ever rain malt liqour? if so..ima get me a bucket
perhaps one day it will... but it would be a better idea to get rain barrels and leave them outside, as they will hold way more then a bucket.

How old is Bob Barker, when is he going to die..i want to take over the Price is Right... mwwwhahhhahahaha
he is a robot.  he will never die.  eventually he will have to fake his death and go back to his planet of GameShow.

Hey...i have a problem, everyone at my school hates Canada...but you seem cool, how can i educate them into loving it? Can u come to my school and educate these fools?
i don't want them to love it, because then they will come here and ruin it.  in fact, i'm trying to get the rest of canada to empty out so i can keep it for myself.  i will come to your school to educate the fools though. i'll start creating the slideshow now.

who kicked Willy Bubba's ass?
that bird from that movie about the bird.

whats yo fav band?
mr bungle

can u live off of dryer lint..its mighty fine, but can i live of it? love the people in the dryer
you can live off it if someone leaves candies etc in their pockets.  you need sugar or you'll die.

was Willy Shaken Spear a fruit?
no, he was a vegetable... more specifically, a yellow pepper.

can i be your Sock monkey love slave?
ok, now go clean my bathroom... it's getting out of control

Dc..your a very good artist, i like your doodles, will you do sum more so i can giggle and dance with much gayity, please do.
why thank you... and i'm working on scanning in more.  if you print it out in color, and spin it around while high, i'm sure it looks pretty damn giggly.

whats Dc stand for? Donut Cop, Don Corleon, Dick Clark? Dentist Chair? Dog Collar? Dead Corpse? Dumb Cunt? Doobie Cronic? Damn Childern? Dirty Carpet? Divided Cells? Deadly Cancer? or is it Dc stands for all these things, and Dc stands for everything?
those are some great guesses... perhaps dc will now stand for all of those... but no, none of those.  it stands for demon child... i was given this nickname by a co-worker and a boss of mine many years ago.

Do you do any other drawings, besides doodles and lines, although they are, i want sumthing new...im a demanding lil munky
yes, and some paintings too.  but i'm too lazy to take pictures of them or scan them in right now... so too bad.  eventually they'll be in the downloads section though.

Wanna Have Some Kinky Monkey Sex?
ok

Why can't I think of a question?
your brain is not a brain, but fluff... this will cause you to not be able to think clearly... you'll have fuzzy logic.

dc is the sky purple in your world? or is it just me? w.a.s.
the sky in my world is a kalidescope of colors, shapes and smells... but you humans won't be able to get to my planet for quite some time and destroy it on me.

Is there anyway to redeem myself? - I once owned a Celine Dion album.
death is the only redemption for you...

Are Sock Monkies close evolutionary relatives of Glove Gorillas?
no.  although they look similar, they do not in fact have common ancestors.

Shall I the steak or the sild?
the sild.

What did you get for Christmas?
annoyed by my relatives.

Is it your birthday?
not yet

Do you like bread?
yes.  i especially like fresh bread.

Cukoos lay their eggs in other birds nests and bugger off leaving the other bird to raise the young cukoos. Surely, the cukoos should then act like whatever bird they were raised by, so how is it that successive generations of cukoos know that they should lay their eggs in other birds nests? How? HOW, DAMN YOU!
i think that i should go steal all the eggs of all the birds to prevent them from pecking my eyes out.

Why is a mouse when it spins?
fur, alcohol and stale chips.

Why is a circle such an evil shape? ~P.N.
the main reason is... because it NEVER ends...

why do we not eat babies? it would solve world hunger and the population problem at the same time.
we don't eat them because they are full of shit, snot and vomit. even mcdonalds food is better... we should eat the pre-teens and teens... all those yummy hormones and grease....

what are the nine lives of a cat
eating, sleeping, playing, being bad, purring, shitting, meowing, snooping and scratching

you put me in the "this person has issues" coloumn. I didn't know I had issues, why do you think I have issues, you were wondering where I went ,I thought you would be glad I was gone, did you miss me?? Love Sally ps-can i have a good question award??
you do have issues!  everyone has issues.  sure we missed you, but alas, no award.  you just don't deserve it with this question!

Did you hear about this monkey-man that's attacking people somewhere in India? Do you think is really a monkey-man, or a monkey that looks like a man, or a man in a monkey suit, or a really hairy man. ~P.N.
how close are they from catching me?  i swear those sock monkeys told me they were old enough... how was i to know?  they were so cute... so fuzzy... so cuddly... so yummy...

I read some older questions the other day and noticed one was asking how to infuse a watermelon with alcohol, well, I tried and DAMMIT IT IS POSSIBLE! Take a huge syringe (like you use to inject a turkey before cooking it) and INJECT the alcohol as much as you want. We can all now be alcoholics with watermelons! And the question now is- Why does AOL suck so bad? It used to be the greatest thing. . . . .
cool... i also heard (someone else can try this) that you can cut a hole in the watermelon, and put the top of the open bottle in the watermelon, then turn it upside down and have it sit in the sink like that for like 12 hours or something.  i could be way off... but most of you freaks are either druggies or drunks so i'm sure we'll get the answer soon enough.  and aol sucks so bad because it doesn't have to do any better... aol users just keep on paying them anyways.  it should say "You Got Suckered"

am i the only one to get two stinky monkey butts for one question? (stairs question) it would make sense if you have seen the shockwave movie "The terrible secret of space" will you see it? i cant post the url so you will have to find it yourself, you constipated leprechaun! is this a question?
probably.. it was a pretty shitty question.  the movie sounds insane though... so maybe i will track it down.  on our tails section, there is another insane animation for a mr bungle song... there is a robot in it.... no leprechauns though

should i kill myself? douglas adams is dead. I am going to kill myself. he died may 11th. someone shot him with a heart attack gun. If i were turning into a penguin and my name was ford, what would you say to me? drag a towel around with you all day tomorrow!
yes, i heard and was quite upset.  that totally SUCKS.  ford prefect? is that you? hahaha...
so long mr adams... and thanks for all the fish

For all you that beleive in god, what the hell r dinosaurs then? god's failed experiment?!
well i certainly can't answer this one... so you'll just have to continue screaming that on the streets and flinging wet rags at people.  try getting a guitar and singing to people in shitters.

Do you know who I am?
you're you, i'm me, and that's that.

Why don't you love me anymore?
i didn't really love you in the first place.  i just said that to get you to suck my tail.

I called you twice yesterday and you weren't in. Where were you?
Yes, I saw that you did call.  Too bad i didn't feel like picking up the phone.  I was getting my tail sucked.

Is Billy Joel a good or a bad thing? What about Songs: Ohia?
depends on the decade....  i like his piano man song... i think that's it.

Is it alright to fall in love with yourself?
there is no one else who will know how to satisfy you as good as you do

Have you heard the one about the English man and the Irish man who were in a dinghy in the middle of the Pacific Ocean?
uh... no... did they catch fish and eventually get married?  that happens sometimes... those damn 'ocean romances'.

Did you?
twice... but only for fun

Did I scare the bejesus out of you? Isn't bejesus a great word? I just wanted to use it.
thank you... that was a good time to use that word.  yes it is a great word... just like funkliscious, and bloody hell is a great phrase i've been using... people actually repeat me when i say it.

Laugh?! I nearly died! that's the last time I stand in front of a train!
well LAUGH, i thought i'd die.  and i did die.  they buried me six feet under.  the grass grew and tickled my feet.
well LAUGH, i thought i'd die.  and i did die.  they buried me six feet under.  the grass grew and tickled my feet.
well LAUGH, i thought i'd die.  and i did die.  they buried me six feet under.  the grass grew and tickled my feet.

Do you have any formal education? Where are your certificates as proof?
yes, in that big plastic bin that holds all my papers.  i even have one in "interpersonal and business communication" and 'human rights'.   apparently i'm a hostile child on the inside... and offend a great many people on a daily basis.

If I threatened to phone immigration, would you be scared?
i'd be so scared i'd probably forget to hang up.

What about if I threaten to phone my mum?
having you phone MY mom is a threat... 

my severed foreskin returned, this time during the day.My mom insists that I invite him over for dinner but I'm skeptic - I regard him as dangerous. Should I be hospitable and bring him over ?
well, due to your traumatic history... i'd suggest meeting in a neutral place first like a restaurant or something.  make it a lunch so the time is short, and you can always walk out if it tries to re-attach itself to you.  After you two have spoken for awhile and worked out your feelings... then perhaps have him over for dinner.  your mom just wants to see you both happy...

Help! I am in trouble! I am sitting here, stuck on an elevator. Unfortuantely, this is an neurotic existentialist elevator that is afraid of hieghts. I know sock monkeys dont exactley ride elevators, but I was hoping that you knew.... And while I am typing, what is the deal with water balloons? If you wanted to really embarrass someone, wouldnt it be more efficient to fill it with goat's blood and lob it at them? And, I took your answer to my question (the traffic cones) and I tried to run some over. Unfortunatley, there is a little known law that prohibits this. The punishment is being strung up on the rack, and being forced to eat polka dotted hankerchiefs, which are fed to you by the anorexic wheezing llamas of Haiti. Or maybe there was something in the water... -Chiron7936
well little sock monkey... the deal with water balloons is actually an ancient secret passed from one generation to another.  ask your mom, and if she doesn't tell you, then she doesn't really love you.  ahhh... being on that rack... boy that brings back some tasty memories...

Hey DC nice to know you missed me(you must be getting soft!!!), anyway my question is do you love Angelina Jolie as much as I do? She is the most gorgous ,talented ,sweet , dark ,angelic ,stylish bisexual I've ever seen and I would faint if I met her, shes so lovely. She lights up my world, does she light up yours?She makes everything alright again, does she do this for you?I can't describe it, the energy she carries, the boldness, the freeness, the braveness to what she likes and feels. Are you a Lara Croft fan? I can't wait for tomb raider what about you? Anywayz nuff from me, Love Sally
i'm not soft at all... and especially not when i'm talking about angelina jolie... my tail gets all big and fluffy and then it's ALL good.  that movie will kick ass... hopefully

Will you go on a date with me?
not tonight dear, i have a headache

Do sockmonkeys go to heaven or hell or somewhere else?
depends on what they believe in, what kind of socks they are made out of and if they've been a good or bad sock monkey.  if you give me money, then i can ensure that you get to sock monkey heaven...

What happened to Mr Bungle?
they get busy and start having lives damnit... don't they know we own their souls?  do they not know that we the fans want a ball-crushing grip on them and everything they do?   oh wait, i'm in it just for the music... i forgot!  to the best of my knowledge, they're working on another album... and the singer is going to be in a movie that actually sounds pretty cool called Firecracker.  if i'm wrong, then they have run off and started up a bizarre circus that goes around the world bringing terror to all the children of the world while at the same time promoting this website.

What country would you most like to visit?
well, if totally disregarding any dangers that currently exist, i'd like to go to egypt and see all the ancient stuff.
in reality, i'd like to see england.

Am I the best you've ever had?
not really, you're all the same...

What do you think of Ally McBeal?
i think they should give her some breaks while shooting to let her eat for once... i don't like bony people
i don't watch the show really... i think i've seen maybe 6 episodes

Whats your favourite flower?
i guess a rose cuz it doesn't stink or cause me to sneeze

Who is your best friend? Is it me?
my best friend is my tail... it's been with me since i was a kid

What do sock monkeys do when they are bored?
anyone they can get their hands on... or doodle... or listen to music... or fling shit at kids

Do you like watching soapies?
soapies?  is that soap operas?  either way... sounds pretty shitty and i'm going with no.

Can I give you a soapie (wash)?
you want to wash me?  no way... i don't know where you're sponge has been...

Actually can we get soapie together and blow bubbles?
who is bubbles and will he/she pay me to blow them?

Whats the best way to turn a sock monkey right on?
rubbing the tail softly... or spanking them

What turns you on?
piles of money for free, good music, dust bunnies under the bed and shoe polish.

What spoils the moment?
parents...

What lifts your spirits?
piles of money, good music and naughty dust bunnies under the bed.

Canada is beautiful so I've heard, what do you think of it?
the bits i have seen (mostly ontario) are great... our environmental laws are getting better and our landscape is keeping as clean as it can for now.  the roads suck in some areas though... the car companies should pay for some of the roads... but our politics/government thing sucks ass just like everyone else's.

Do you have any brothers or sisters?
yes, i have a younger sock monkey brother named Flepo.  He likes fudge.

So what happens with photosynthesis? Only joking I know how you hate that question, Can I ask what is the obsession behind that question?
i'm not sure what the obsession is with it... people just keep asking me about it... i recommend a book and they keep on asking.   so now i just delete those questions!

What if I like stinky monkey butts?
then i know a few monkeys who would like to get to know you better

Why are the tigers beautiful?
because all cats are beautiful and will one day rule the land... they're just resting up right now

Do you like the zoo? I do!
i like seeing the animals, but i don't like seeing them in small shitty concrete cages.  i like the large compounds where the humans are the ones caged away from the animals while they have lots of land to roam around etc.

where do you like to shop?
i hate shopping... i can't even name one store where i remember buying something more then once.

Are you gay, straight or bi sexual or are you something else?
it depends on the day, my mood and what phase the moon is in...

Where did I put my vibrator?
on that chair where your mom sat down... haven't you noticed her giggling?  i'd give her a few minutes though...

How come you and sanimal don't get along? Play nice!!
it's not like we're childish about the whole thing.... he just sucks, and i rule.  

When is it gonna be playtime?
play time is all the time unless your parents are over.

What is your most treasured item?
my mind (what's left of it anyways)

What is your sexiest body part?
my long luxurious fluffy tail

Can I pinch your ass? It's cute!!
not with your nails... and only once.

Who has had the most impact on your life?
i'll go with mike patton for someone that i don't even know.  not cuz i'm one of those freaks who thinks that artists are 'gods', but cuz i've liked fnm since i was 13, found mr bungle etc... i like his music and his vocals.
as for someone i know... binky the clown.  damn binky.. you and me baby

What and who scares you?
large rocks in water and keifer sutherland... he is fucking creepy

What issues do you have???
many many issues... read this whole site and you'll discover a few

What facinates you ?
shiny things and leaving this planet

D you like showers or baths?
showers.  baths are just you sitting in a tub of dirty water.

Do you like the beach? I think the beach is beautiful and insane!
i can stand it for about 10 minutes... but kicking down sandcastles is always fun

0100100001001001.. I think that is hi in binary! well, on to the question... If you were a cyborg, and you fell in between two very high powered magnets.. would you just float in between because of the conflicting magnetic feilds? or would you be ripped in half? are there cybernetic sockmonkeys?
i think i'd be worried about effects the magnetic fields would have on my positronic brain... but then of course i'd be a robot so i'd probably know that it'd do nothing and formulate a way to correct the situation... abiding the 3 laws... well 4.. but 3... anyways... there are not yet any cybernetic sockmonkeys.  just robot shoemonkeys.

Why am I obsessed with toilet paper and cheetos?
 cuz they taste so damn good together and both make great home decorations.

Why are there fish swimming in my toilet?
you've been using your fish tank as a toilet.

where r u from in canada?
i'm from ontario... well after I landed and exited my spaceship that is...

what is at the end of space? and where abouts in england would you like to visit? luv sparki13
at the end of space is something that LOOKS like space... but isn't.  and i would like to see all the ancient sites in england and see the countryside.  those sheep are damn cute... 

who is Rob Zombie's family?
probably those people who brought him up... or those that are closest to him.

what is the effects of exstacy and sex?
bliss for a bit... then a wet mess and a few weeks of worrying if everything will be ok

Why are you so damn sexy?
it's my tail

Why is Angelina Jolie so damn sexy?
combination of appealing parts and alluring shapes

Do you think the severed foreskin is a reference to Jewish tradition? If it is, is it wise to handle such a sensitive subject as religion in such a flippant way? Can I kill God? Do you think he'd be able to do anything about me trying?
i wasn't aware jewish people did that.  religion should always be handled in a flippant way! maybe you should try hunting down a few gnomes first.

will i go to hell if i have violent sex with my girlfriends father?
only if you don't call him or his daughter the next day.

so ,are you what you eat?you know what i mean right???
i eat pickles... and i don't seem to be one... so no... i don't get what you mean.

what is the animal and motto of santo domingo
the dingo and "Oh my god! a dingo's got my baby!"

I've been trying to figure this one out since I was 14, tell me- why the hell am I bi-sexual?
because you want the best of all worlds... 

Please, sir, can I have some more?
don't call me sir and no, you may not.

To be or not to be?
not

have you wondered what the hell bambie has been up to? will ya e-mail me?  how's canada? how r u? i heard that all the sock monkies are getting together for a big smoke out soon. is it true? a crew of sock monkies got real fired up on acid and went on a rampage in rising sun maryland in usa. did ya hear about it? hit me back since i smacked ya with a message/question. lots of love to you and your crew. bambie 
yes i have... yes i will.  The bit of canada that i can see from my window seems fine.  I am fine for now, and yes, we are planning a huge smoke out for canada day.  We'll be going to ottawa and will be watching my friend's friends band hennesey play (johnny poptart may even be playing with them!).  we'll be bringing the camera and taking pictures for all you people to ignore and no, I didn't hear about any new rampages!  and my crew thanks you for all the loving i gave them on behalf of you... they're sleeping it off right now...

Why does that idiot remain in my room?
take down the mirror and you'll find they have disappeared.

DC, dude...why are you so damn cool?
well sock monkeys are just cool by nature... and i've gotten some high-grade stuffing to puff up my tail

Alright, DC, dude...as a fellow Canadian, I was wondering if you'd ever been out of where-ever you live and all. And a second question, what's the ebst way to get an annoying sister whom likes to bitch about everything, and an alcoholic, of your back when she's like...PMSing or something?
Yes, i have left my apartment many many times.  In fact... i left it today for awhile to do some work.  I have been around most of ontario.  I've been to quebec once to see montreal for a bit and I've been to florida many many times.  i've also been in my truck and driven around aimlessly for hours.   The best way to get rid of the sister is to save up all your money and move away.  Either that or just avoid her like the plague.

DC, why don't you give out more Stinky Monkey Butt awards?
just for you i gave out 3 today... 

Are the TV stations really trying to use mind control through TVs on us? Will it work on a person who lost, or never had, his mind? Is there any way I can reverse it, and control the TV stations? -DS
Yes they are... and at the same time taking your money, then getting you to go to work the next day to make more!  It will not work on anyone who has lost their mind, found their mind, or suspected that the tv is in fact lying to us.  You can reverse it, but due to this, will never be able to control the stations.

Since you're the almight one DC. (It's that Canadian from yesterday) What exactly is your fave. method of torture on an unsuspecting being? Since you're the Demon Child, you should have some interesting methods.
bad music.  i used to think that peeling someone's skin off layer by layer with a rusty scalpel and sandpaper would be nasty, but after hearing micheal bolton and brittney spears... i knew i was wrong.

Why are turds tapered on the end?
well, from what i gathered from my trip to the bathroom to find out... when you push your shit out, it has to come through your asshole.  that is round, and is kinda snapped shut.  the shit must be pushed through this area by other muscles inside you until the asshole muscles relax enough to widen up to let the shit out.  the muscles are pushing that shit out, kinda tapering the front of the shit.  eventually upon completion your asshole figures that enough shit has escaped and snaps shut again, tapering off the end of the shit.  this happens repeatedly in a sitting sometimes.

Do sock monkeys enjoy haveing their fur rubbed backwards? Can I rub your fur? Il'l give you yellow sticky note. -DS
most do not, however some are into that sort of thing and also stick holes through their tails.  You can rub my fur, but the sticky note better be brown or blue.

I don't know why I keep coming back, just cause I love your answers, I guess. (The Canadian Dude) But, another question for you me fave. Demon Child, what exactly do you think of Bill Gates? Evil or the Epitome of Godlyness. (Next to you of course)
well you are welcome to keep coming back and reading... but don't you go bringing friends without asking...  bill gates... hmmmm... well he set up a successful company and now gets to do what he wants... i would say that i hate him for purely selfish reasons.  the company of microsoft though is doing what all big businesses are meant to do, take over and make everyone buy their shit, yet you still hate them for being big.  at least they aren't selling us chemicals to inhale and die from, just shitty software that isn't too fatal most of the time.

How do I look after I Japenese Fighting Fish?
well i wouldn't do it too closely to the bowl... 

EXTREME STINKY MONKEY ASS WARNING!
Why do you still wet the bed at your age? Why is your tail so small, stumpy and withered? Why must you be so offensively ugly? Why did your parents allow you to leave the house? Why do you have pictures of small naked children in your closet? Why do you spend hours in your closet? Why are you allowed online when you obviously have nothing to contribute? Should I type slower for you? -SAnimal
another lovely visit from SAnimal... i'm surprised your keepers let you out of your cage and that you were able to operate a computer!  You must be making progress... pretty soon you'll be able to speak intelligently and converse with others above a 2 year old level... but it'll take time... plenty of time.... and plenty of shock-therapy...

good afternoon, mr.DC. My question would be: my wife and i are going to have a little cat, but we can not agree on how to raise it. what are your views?
yours sincerely a.r. pottenham
good afternoon.  do not address me as mr, mrs or miss.  I prefer DC, or Almighty Insane One.  You are not there to raise the cat, but to serve it.  Your needs are now to fulfill the cats.  You make sure the cat stays safe, warm, happy, fed and clean.  You are to provide petting when required, facilitate nature trips into back yards, to ensure that cat food is delivered in a timely manner, as well as remove all waste that may come out of any end of your cat.  Keep nasty plants away, tabled cleaned off for prowling, and areas where you are not allowed so the cat may be alone.  Your place of dwelling is now property of the cat.  Decorating is to be done at the cats eye level, and many toys are to be kept around.  Also, do not remove your precious kitty's claws.  Provide kitty with some items that are ok to be scratched and keep the nails trimmed.  Nail polish is frowned upon, as well as outfits, hats, being held and pulling on kitty's tail.

in Whats eating Gilbert Grape - how wasthe retrospective -of understanding ones sekf shown?
well i haven't seen that movie in a long time... that's the one about some kinda hot guy and he's all trying to be a big man while a retard is up a tree and a fat lady is crushing the floor right?  I personally found that the unconditional love that these people had for each other and their insane differences was enough to make me think "Hey... if those freaks can all get along as they are, then why the hell am I sitting here clothed?"

hey who r u really how do u look? do u go to church? and if u do wich kind? Do you like how limpbizkit sings well u gotta cuz they r kooler than u so kiss my KoRn hey by the way whos DC iam new to this kool site but this sanimal who keeps on thinking his the man well hes the gay i do know that anyways were r the pictures is the sanimal ( or u) in a band well enough with the questions cuz i know iam gonna get an award cuz iam the web masters cousin so hell probobly be ending giving me one FREAKS iam a FREAK so iam from rio grande city down here in TEXAS thats all laters dont take care!! cuz i hate u sanimal i know were u leave hahahahhahahaha
my pictures are all over this site. no i do not go to church.  limp bizkit is only cool because they opened for faith no more.  come to think of it, there are no pics of sanimal or any other member on this site... just me.  anyone who hates sanimal is always welcome here...

If I'm holding steady at 140 lbs. and stand at average height and can hold my breath for up to two minutes at a time...AND... I wish to perform auto-fellatio (sucking myself) and if and when I get good at it, should I swallow my own load when I climax..OR...should I shoot it into the air as far as it will go and then proceed to wipe my dick on the curtains. Your assistance would be greatly appreciated. Thanks
wiping your dick on the curtains is a great idea... but here are some things you'll want to consider each time you suck yourself off....
a)  no one will be offended if you spit it out and make a nasty face
b)  you should probably have a taste sample to find out if you like the taste or hate it... just lick a bit off your hand when you're finished jerking off sometime.
c)  you will know what to do when the moment comes (get it?)
d)  when you're finished with yourself, i have a few friends who'd like to be taught how to do the same thing

Why is SAnimal such a fucking loser? Well, I can answer this one myself, because he pisses off you, DC so much, but why do you think he is?
i feel that i would have to take out a whole new website just to scratch the surface.  sanimal is a complex piece of hatred, stupidity, anger and stupidity.  i would have to say it is probably due to his parents hating him and forcing him to wear diapers to this very day.  Needless to say, sanimal and i do not sit together during domain meetings... i think JCP is the only one that can control his stupidity and did i mention... stupidity.

Do you like the best of both worlds???Love Sally
yes, plus a few others you humans will never know about

Whats the most fun you can have upside down??
imagining that we all live upside down on ceilings while playing with yourself

Whats the most fun you can have with me??
well,  just bring some marbles, a few gummi bears, some glow in the dark body paint, my digital camera, a pointy stick, some coffee, a leaf jersey, some frozen raspberries, some rope, lots of hot wax and a stick of butter, there will be no end to the fun i can have with you

If we were to go on a date where would you take me??
the question is where would YOU take ME?  i have no interest in you so you're the one who has to buy my sock monkey body

Right, follow this... I hate everybody, everybody hates me, somebody must like me because everybody likes somebody but nobody likes me so everybody can't hate me because nobady hates everybody so somebody likes me, right?
i've narrowed it down to this... i hate you and that's all that matters.

why is Gina Gershon so damn sexy??
who? is she a sock puppet?  the question is... why is angelina jolie so awesome as lara croft?  and could it be any better that rimmer of red dwarf is in the movie?  exactly!  i can't wait to go see them... you know she did all her own stunts... yummy

why the hate? can't you and SAnimal get along? I'm sure all he needs is a hug to melt away that hard cold shell of yuckiness, did you know that most people who are mean to you secretly wish to be you/have a crush on you..SAnimal could be standing in front of his mirrow right now, with stolen articles of clothes of yours on, whispering to himself (while stroking a sockmonkey or potato) "One day you shall be mine, my delicate little flower snicker snicker giggle" i suggest you go spy on him, bring a camera along just in case, and if my predictions are true...remember to post pics!!!!!!!
oh i know he does that.. he tries to touch my tail when i'm sleeping too.  i'm not interested in him though... in fact he repulses me... and thats even when he's given me heaps of money and drugged me

What does the word BALOOGA mean?
in my world it means that it should be followed by the word "whale".

What exactly is that...green thing you give out to good questions?
it's a bird-monster

Alright, say there's this chick who lives a good long distance from you, but you both really love each other. You've almost no means of communication, and you're one year from graduation. Would you either go to try and be with her, or wait for a little bit until you're able to move in with her? That also being she lives in a different country as well as being about 2 years older then you.
uh... well i'd finish school if i were you because you obviously need it.  giving up your future to have your dick sucked just isn't worth it.  all the rest is blah blah blah... but... does she live close to me?

comment then question. comment: rimmer of red dwarf is a sell out doing robot wars or whatever that show on TLC is called. question: you even gonna send me another box of random things? i thoroughly enjoyed the last one. i have that little mardi gras doll thingy on my shelf right now.
actually the guy you see on robot wars played lister, not rimmer.  craig charles is lister... chis barrie is rimmer.  i don't think he's a sell out if he actually likes that stuff.  perhaps i will send another box, but you have to give me a good reason to.  what have you done with the rest of the stuff i sent?  can you rub my tail again?

Is this one a ninja secret?
yes

Can you find my cracker, because I can't seem to find mine.
no, it left my ass an hour ago and i flushed it

Women are sexy, do you agree?
some are... just like some men are... and some sock monkeys are... and can you come rub my butt?

I love sexy woman butt its soo squishy and soft. I could eat it everyday.
My uncle feels me in special places. he ate my brain and then pooed cheeses.
i search and search... yet i still see no question...

My mother says she has a pussy infection but I can't find a cat anywhere. Where is the pussy cat?
she has hidden it in her socks. go ask her to see it, and tell her that you want to kiss the kitty with your tongue

Hellp!!!!!!! i'm stuck in a pussy! (not the private part mind you). It ated me and i'm only 5!
what kind of internet connection could you possibly get from there??? oh wait... aol... nevermind....

I can shit out of my mouth ya wanna see?
sure

I ate a cheese doodle and pooped it out and it was still the same. Isn't this so interesting?
not really.  trying to figure out how salty ones toes taste is more interesting.

I'm a male,What are the best ways and techniques too masterbate?
use your hands quickly.  go ask your parents, they're equipped to deal with this sort of thing.  demand they get you a nice hooker to 'show you the ropes'.  everyone else's parents do this... so don't take no for an answer.

what do you think makes a person insane ?
many many factors contribute to the breaking down of one's 'sanity'.  each person is different.
my insanity is caused by an overactive imagination, moldy fluff and chemicals.

Hey DC, Looking up into our solar system, is it true the universe really doesn't end?
i can't tell you that... i promised i wouldn't ruin the ending

comment then question. comment: the little skeleton dude is hanging on my window, the magick cards or whatever i gave to my little brother for his birthday (thanks, made me 10 bucks!) and lessee... the wierd little stuffed animals are on my shelf witht he mardi gras thingy and i don't think i threw any of it away so it's probably just strewn around my room. but those cards... those were cash money in the bank. question: how do you know he likes it? maybe he just hasnt worked in 10 years and needs a job, so he sells out to TLC of all things. oh yeah and i'll give you one delux tail rub WITH LATHER if youll send me something else or DUM DUM DUM... a REAL picture of you.
they were ouiji cards.  i'm sure craig charles likes the whole robot battling thing or else he wouldn't do it... he's making good money from red dwarf, and does other shows too including a guest appearance on Lexx this upcoming season.  maybe i'll send you something else... maybe i won't.... although the lathered tail rubbing sounds pretty good.  i don't have your address anymore either.  i'm thinking of selling insane boxes on this site... i need to cover the cost of the insane stuff and the shipping.... we'll see what happens.  there are real pictures of me here...

Of all the Silent Bob flicks, which is your favorite?
i haven't seen any of them so i'd have to say none.... and would someone shut that fucking crying kid up! damnit!

Do you understand the social significance of Monty Python? Do you understand that, if you do not understand the social significance of Mnty Python then you, as a comedic body, are defunct and surplus to requirements? Do you understand that, in order to be the most pressing and up-to-date comedic entity on the web, you must embrace the social significance of Eddie Izzard, Billy Conolly and deficate upon the horrid visage of the one they call Seinfeld? Do you understand that most American Comedians just aren't funny? Do you understand what I'm trying to tell you? Can't you tell that I know what I'm talking about? I'm trying to show you the way to greatness! Are you ignoring me?
what? did you say something?  monty python... the silly walk!  monty python is brilliant... well not all of it... i also think that kids in the hall rocks.

I can turn you into a monkey, ya want me to?
i am a sock monkey... i do not want to be a real monkey!

Can my mother do the hanky panky with you?
only if she brings salad.

How big is alex Hetsko's gayness on a scale to 10?
how big is it? well... i'm not sure cuz i refuse to look at it... maybe you should find out yourself

If my grandma had a gigantic willy, can I eat it?
you'd have to ask your grandma, and while you're at it, ask her for me too

how do i get a box of random stuff like that person? i want a box of stuff! i cant vary well rub your tail, but i do have several hot young sockmonkeys, and would be happy to send you pics of my hand stroking their tails, sockmonkey porn!
mmmm... young sock monkey porn... well like i said we're working on a way to do the whole 'insane box' thing.  how do we sell the boxes in a way that is secure for both sides, and covers the cost for the shipping etc... i don't want to take only credit cards, as that limits the sale to only those with credit cards... how do i sell these boxes!!?!  any suggestions anyone?

Sanity is relative... I have none to compare. Do you? -DS
nope... i'm not looking for any sanity though...

Is this a good question? Or is it crap? Is it worth a stinky monkey butt? Isn't it weird how your stinky monkey butts don't actually stink? They are, after all, only graphic images. Shame that. I taunt your feeble monkey butts. HA! NI!
no stinky butt for you... but it's close.... they do stink.  just pick your ass, then use that finger to touch the butt on your monitor... then sniff the monitor.  since you are taunting my monkey butts... you get two...

So you don't like me? And that's meant to be all that matters? I sincerely doubt it. Don't you think that if it was all that mattered I'd have killed myself by now? Or maybe someone else would have killed me? Somebody has to kill me or nobody will, see? And if nobody kills me then you must not be all that count's and you stop being somebody and become nobody. And if you're a nobody, you killed me. You bastard!
damn straight... and here's a few butts for you too....

whats your favorite band?
faith no more... or mr bungle... i can't quite decide....

What do you think of Canada?
the bits i've seen are great... usually it's quite clean (not in some parts of toronto though...) and loads of trees and nature.  our national parks are wicked.

I have a pet rabbit. Why? S4l4m1R
rabbits are actually listening devices designed to spy on children to figure out what kind of toys they want.

if u r a sock monkey then your mother was 1: A sock human 2: A sock monkey 3: Maggie Thatcher pls explain yourself before i chimbowo you.
a bit from column 1... a bit from column 2... and a bit from column 4.

Hey, what did you get your poppy for Fathers Day?!?-GIB(gidgetinblue)
huh? poppy? no i don't want opium thanks....

If I were a Sock Monkey, what color would I be?
green

So you killed me, right? Was it death by Stinky Monkey butts?
yes, and absolutely... just to make sure the job was done right... here are some more....

what are some good ways to jerk off
well using your hand would probably be a good idea... or finding someone else to use their hand or mouth... or (depending on your size) some cheerios or fruit loops.

In the land of cotton-tails and corn-rows where do purple people live and how do they cope with their desire to be orange? -Drea
well, back in the days of orange skies and green moments, the purple people yearned to be the color of their sky so they could fly among the stars.  due to gravity, the dream of flying was not realized until much later.  since the purple people were spending so much time fighting gravity, they forgot about becoming orange until the ancient texts outlining their plan to become orange was rediscovered.  so the purple people decided to grow cotton tails and corn to ease the pain of not being orange while their best scientists work away at trying to find something to turn them orange.  you can help them out by donating money or orange dye to their cause.

If I were a sock monkey where would i find bud and would I then get a discount?
you would find it in the forest for free and trip out for days...

If you lit a candle under Sanimal's ass would it burn him or go out?
it would ignite the constant fumes around him and cause him to explode... thank you for pointing this out for me, as i now know how to remove him from existence...

You keep trying to kill me with stinky Monkey butts, but try as you might, I don't appear to be dead. What's going wrong? Is it really true that your stinky monkey butts are just rubbish? Are you a fraud?
hmmm... perhaps my stinky monkey butts aren't as stinky as i thought... i will have to smear monkey shit on them and leave them out in the sun for awhile... perhaps i am a fraud... i don't remember anymore

What's your favorite word? ok revision, what's your favorite word to say? ok both. i like the word schmuck. it's fun to say. and i like the word fuck, because it has SO MANY fucking meanings.
i like saying the word 'exactly'.  it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy.

do you think if all the greatest medical minds were to some how be accedently injected with all the major deceases do you think theyed have cures to those deceases i about 2 weeks? i think they would.--db"_"
maybe 3 weeks due to them wanting to create commercials to sell it before they release it.  but i think that it would indeed speed up the discovery of cures....

when did your rival with Sanimal or whatever begin? U know u could mop the floor with his face!!
it began when i met him... the cocky bastard has always been annoying to me.  yes i could mop the floor with his face... but the poor floor would then beg to burnt...

As a young sock monkey.......did u ever get...urges?
i have many many urges.  just recently, i had the urge to rip out all my carpeting, install grass instead and then install special grow lights so i can leave them on at night to keep the grass alive.  Once there is some nice grass growing, i shall frolic in it naked.

what does E.I. stand for in the Nelly song?
emotional idiot... i have been forced to listen to her cd repeatedly so i'm somewhat bitter

have u seen my green card? - Pedro
would that be the thing i ate last night? i knew that lettuce didn't taste right...

Why do you have two different colored...erm...socks?...on your feet?
because they were cold... i used to always wear mismatched socks due to my laziness... so now i just don't bother.

Do you see the sounds and hear the colors?? I do...it's fucking trippy man!
i taste the sounds and feel the colors... but when i'm back to seeing and hearing... i'll let you know so you can drug me a bit more

how do you define reality?
i'm not quite sure yet... either this is the dream reality, or the dreams i dream every night are reality and this is the dream.  when i figure it out... then i can answer your question.  until then, its just lies and propaganda.

does exstacy show up on a urine test
i honestly don't know... but i wouldn't recommend ingesting any right before the test.

Does Scooby Doo have a dick... how big is it
i always thought that little creature following him around was his dick... scrappy or something?

does it hurt to get your septum pierced?
i would imagine just a little pain would occur... if done correctly.  then of course, pain is to be expected any time you jab a hole through skin.

what are the possibility of an eyebrow piering growing out and how can i prevent it from doing so.
well i personally have had one grow out... it took about 4 months.  i have a cousin who had it done, and it is still around after 5 months.  I suppose it's up to your body to decide if it's coming out or not.  If you get it done, keep it clean, don't touch it without cleaning your hands, and follow ALL directions from the qualified person who does the piercing.  If it begins to look infected, or is incredibly painful... then see your doctor.  If it does grow out, keep the area clean after the ring is removed.  I have no scarring or anything to indicate that i had one...  but i'm considering getting it done again ... perhaps scar tissue will hold it in better

do they make stinky monkey butt shampoo for the extra stinky monkey butts?
well, any monkeys who let their butts get super stinky wouldn't be interested in shampoo... so i can't imagine there is a large market for that product.

When theres no where left to run, are you a rebel, when theres no more battles to be won, are you rebel?
you are a rebel when you can get people to stare at you and think "what the hell is wrong with that guy/girl/monkey?"  If you can make money from it, then you've become an 'artist'.

Should we lynch the landlord?
yes... he said the rent was due.

I have a friend who keeps using the word retard as an insult. I find it troubling. Retard has many functional uses like; flame retardant, socially retarded and emotionally retarded. I don't think that disabilities should be something that people use as general insult. Calling someone a retard or a spastic or a cripple just seems to me to be cruel and insensitive. To much the same effect, calling people gay to hurt their ego and damage their masculinity is just as wrong. At the end of the day, it's all just pathetic egotistical pursuits in order to make small minded people feel better about themselves and establish some kind of social hierachy. And they say we're evolved? Evolved my ass! We're, if you'll forgive my tone, just the monkies we evolved from. Wouldn't you agree?
shut up you retard...   hahahaha... i couldn't resist... 
if you are referring to a handicapped person, then say handicapped.  The word retard should be removed from the language... only the word retarded should be kept and used to describe an item of clothing that your mother gives you for your birthday.

Do you like cheese? How about bread? I've got a french loaf! I've got knees as well! I bet you haven't! You don't look like you've got knees, just socks, a tail, a hat and a grin. Fancy a shag?
yes, yes. i have knees somewhere.... i hate shag rugs... they burn the bum

Hey, hey, are you a monkey? Do people say you're monkeying 'round? Are you too busy singing to put anybody down?
i'm just trying to be friendly... come and watch me frolic and play, i'm the fucked generation and i've got nothing to say....

I'm still not dead. How long do these stinky monkey butts take to work?
try licking the asshole... maybe something in there will work better...

Legs or breast?
breast, unless it's some chicken or turkey

If I gave you the choice of watching Geri Halliwell live in concert or being fucked up the ass with a fire extinguisher, which would you choose?
I would bend over and gladly display my ass for you to fuck.

Hey, sowjar boy! Me so horny! Me love you long time. Sucky sucky owny ten dowar!
whooo hoooo!  you like bed big girl bouncy bounce?

is it wrong to stroke my tail in public?
no, only if you get others wet, or rub it against their leg.

What kind of stupid ass name is SAnimal any way?
well his first name starts with an S... and his last name (supposedly) is Animal.  i think that he is full of shit and is trying to make people think he is a SexAnimal when infact he is a StupidassAnimal.

dear Dc...does Saninmal have a hate for all sock monkey beings? the other day i saw him handing out "Jesus hates sock munkys" flyers, i wept in my tail...why is the world so full of hate, WHY!
yes, and i saw him too... so i tried to run him down.  it didn't work.  maybe if you see him again, you can run him over and do us all a favor...

is there such thing as an orgasasm addict?
hopefully... then i can get a prescription from the doctor and write all those hookers off as a medical expense...

what shall i do when the sheep rebel?
pray you're not wearing wool...

is there a low fat alternitive to toliet paper and cheetos, i tell you, i've gained sooooo much weight in my tail...it jiggles, and won't wag and smile
try using sugar instead of the toilet paper... that should trim you down, but still give you energy

It's time for Revolution, Sock Monkeys near and far can no longer stand Sanimals oppression one day longer, IT IS TIME TO TAKE ACTION, The monkeys have had enough, we will take it no longer, it's time to take the life of Sanimal, will you join us in or quest for his still beating, black, empty,bacon fat coated heart?
yea yea yea! onward!

My Question is....There will be a time when the world and everyone in it will be destroyed. Where,doing what, and how would you like your life to end.
i would like to be sitting all drunk and stoned and naked in warm butterscotch pudding while shooting those annoying neighbors of mine with a shotgun.

will u fuck me????
not today dear, i have a tailache.

is it possible for me to touch the moon with my eyes when i stick my hand in the blender while it is turned on?
yes... but use a fork like your mother told you to.  when you are done, please murder my neighbors.  they are making noise outside AGAIN and i want them all to DIE.

i like your pretty boots, where do you buy them?
my mother made them for me... there is a matching hat too!

What kind of sock monkey life style are you livng in the new century?
well, i'm living the insane style.  I have covered my ceilings with tinfoil to prevent the government from spying on me, and i have painted my walls with hair.  i plan on making pillows so i have somewhere to store the extra hair.

Are there Differnt breeds and races of Sock Munkys, or all you all as one?
there are different breeds of sockmonkeys... you can tell what type of breed they are by their fur.  some are grey, while others are closer to a brown.  Some of us have bright red lips and asses, some of us do not.  we all get along though, cuz on the inside... we're all fluff.

Can you bring Timmy the Turtle back from the dead?
no i can't... but i can put my finger up his ass and use him like a puppet if that makes you feel any better.

why people don't like homosexuals
because people love to bitch about useless shit and make lots of noises in their backyards to annoy people like me.  have i mentioned i hate my neighbors?  you see, the other night, the teenaged guy decided to have a few of his friends over, which included some chicks.  what do these guys decide to do to 'impress' the girls?  they decide to start rapping (VERY badly) and the best rap would have to be "my name is brett and i'm here to say, i party in my house every day."  This loser repeated this over and over for about an hour.  All this shitty rapping is accompanied by the squeaking of shoes as they TRY to dance.  i laughed my tail off at their pathetic attempts to look cool... but damn... shut up already!

HOW LONGDOES IT TAKE FOR A MOUSE TO HAVE BABYS???????????????????????
uh... not long at all... about 2 blinks i think...

what is a hemmeroid
some thing on your butt... and here is what webmd.com says your doctor will do to your ass if you have them... 
Your doctor will first visually examine the anal area, perhaps by inserting a lubricated gloved finger or an anoscope (a hollow, lighted tube for viewing the lower few inches of the rectum) or a proctoscope (which works like an anoscope but provides a more thorough rectal examination).  To see further into the anal canal (into the lower colon, or sigmoid), sigmoidoscopy may be used, or the entire colon may be viewed with colonoscopy. For both procedures, a lighted, flexible viewing tube is inserted into the rectum. A barium X-ray can show the entire colon's interior. First a barium enema is given, then X-rays are taken of the lower gastrointestinal tract.

I heard SAnimal wanted to fuck a dog in the ass, and then some pirate...or some shit like that. NEway, I think he's an idiot...What kind of Canadian is he anyway? A Newfie?
he is from the planet Stupidar, so he's not a canadian.  he'd love dogs... but they always run away with their tails between their legs.

when you have sex, is it done with tails ?
sometimes... but only if my partner is into that sort of thing.

how do i make crack quick an easy.
fill your tub with jello and wait.

I'm still not dead. Licking the asshole just made my monitor wet.
this isn't a question... so you get another stinky butt... maybe this one will do the trick...

Can I have my ball back? My scrotum is slightly lacking without it.
no, i like it.  it fits so nicely in my hand.

hi. Anyway, you seem to enjoy bitching about yer nieghbors, so tell me, young sock monkey, what other blasphemous sins have they commited against you most peaceful nature. Ok, im no poet, but still, what did they do, besides being shitty rappers. --Laser-Monkey, pyromanically disturbed boy
well... since you ask... the little white trash brats who live behind my place have a pool.  they run out there every day, yell at others in the house to join them and continue to yell at each other instead of speaking in a normal voice.  The brats put on shitty brittney type music, and while all of them are screaming in the pool, the cd player begins to skip.  Since they are all in the pool screaming, the cd does not skipping until one of them hauls their fat stupid ass out of the pool to turn it off.   Have i mentioned that someone has hung up CHIMES?  chimes fucking SUCK and i hate ANYONE who puts them up.  my birthday is this month so if anyone wants to get me a gift... a rifle would be great.

you say the "sane" people are insane. but thats not true, the insane are insane, and the sane are not, thats why they are all such assholes. insane people are individuals, but sane people are all confromists.there is a difference!! not much of a question....-Laser-monkey
i think that you should go with the purple socks.  I know that green is a more popular choice, and that I myself am a great fan of green, but for you, the right choice is purple.  Everything will become clear if you choose purple....

are any of you ppl at the domain like girl/boyfriend or something?
uh... i like to play with my tail sometimes... but other then that... no, no one is 'together' or even having circus sex with each other.  sanimal would like to be one with my cats ass, but damnit, thats just sick.

Have you got a crap batch of Monkey butts from your supplier? I am actually keen for you to kill me because my prolonged association with this site is only lowering its tone so I suggest you check out the quality of the produce and get in touch with the supplier and get some truly deadly monkey butts. Whouldn't this seem sense?
well i phoned the supplier and they sent me their Improved Monkey Butt.  Here it is...
It's supposed to be brighter, more stinky and have a better asshole for people to lick.  let me know if it harms you in any way.  If this doesn't work, then i may have to find another supplier.