Shopping Sucks
by McDiablo & JCP
There are strange people out there who consider themselves 'shop-a-holics'. To them, I say, "Please, go to SA (Shop-a-holics Anonymous). Oh, and by 'shopping', I don't mean shopping for groceries. The people who actually enjoy that are a different sort of breed all together.

The employees who practically attack you with "Hi, how are you today's" the second you walk in their store.

Messy clothing racks.

Realizing that you like something in the men's section--and you didn't know you were in the men's section.

Pink clothes--and pastel colours.

Annoyingly cheerful employees.

Slow walkers in the mall.

Liking an article of clothing before looking at the price tag--and seeing that it's freakin' expensive.

Badly decorated store windows.

Trying on clothes and shoes.

Malls with stores that are either stuffy and hot or super cold.

Small stores packed with people.

Realizing that you're too poor to buy things you actually like.

Overpriced apparel. $50 for a plain white shirt? Geez.

People, ie: teenagers, who use their parents' money to spend $400 on clothes.

Realizing that you're not a trend whore so it's a difficult task finding clothing you like.

The bright, hot lights in the fitting rooms.

Going shopping with your friends and being dragged into stores you don't care about.

Using up most of your cash in a mall's food court.

Spending money. Well, maybe I'm just a cheap ass … but, still, it sucks.

Lying salespeople who tell you everything looks good on you and that you should buy it.

Looking at clothes and thinking your in the kids section, only to find out that no, this is what people think is 'in style'.

People who drag their brats to the mall and then let them run around screaming and yelling.

While you're standing there looking at something, people rudely stand right in front of you or actually lean on you until you scream at them to take two steps back.

Doesn't anyone say 'Excuse me?' anymore when they bump into you or step in front of something you're looking at?

Insane families who go to toy stores and then actually snatch things out of other peoples hands for themselves.

The horrible music that is blasted from stores. You can't hear the salespeople while in the store, and as you're walking by or out of it, it gets mixed in with all the other stores blasting music, PLUS the mall intercom music. Add a few crying kids, and that is the soundtrack for hell.

All of the following groups should have their own malls: preteens to early teens (11 to 15), people bringing kids, slow walkers, dollar store shoppers. This would just make things better for everyone involved.

Packs of people somehow feel like they need to either stand around outside or at the food court for hours on end. They don't actually do anything besides getting in the way of others. If they stayed the hell out of the way, it wouldn't be so annoying.

People who wander around the mall while talking loudly on their cellphone, even while they are purchasing things, in the changeroom and everything.

Those people that are trying to spray you with perfume, give you a flyer or sign you up for something. As you approach, you see them look at you and if you've made eye contact, they start heading towards you. You both know that there is now a race between how much of their pitch they can get out before you say you're not interested and walk past them. Sometimes they even follow you a few steps, or try to slow you down by stepping in front of you.

People who SCREAM at their kids in the mall, when for once, the kid wasn't doing anything wrong. If you can't handle shopping with your kids, THEN DON'T BRING THEM. There is no need to embarrass the hell out of them because you're having a bad day.

Snotty salespeople. Ok sure, it must suck to have to deal with assholes all day, but if I ask you a legit question, POLITELY and it's because you've asked if I needed help, then the least you can do is answer politely as well. It takes less time to just be polite than to be a snotty little jerk.

People who shop in groups of four or more. They clog up the aisles, change rooms and everywhere else they go.

Loud talkers. They practically scream everything they say and have no respect for anyone around them as they scream on about the stupidest things.

People who wander away from their cart or kid stroller, leaving it blocking an aisle.

Kids who know their parents will cave in to their demands if they scream loud enough, so they have little hissy fits.

People who think that it's ok to have chicks breastfeeding in the mall. NO IT'S NOT. I don't care if it's 'natural', so is taking a shit. Go in a bathroom or something, that's just nasty and I shouldn't have to see that.

A single parent with three or more kids that are totally out of control. LEAVE THEM AT HOME.

Huge displays showcasing the latest movie that completely sucks.

Walking into stores with perfume at the front so your first breath is filled with nauseous smells. Then you have to weave through stupid ads and more sickening smells before you can get away. The worst of all these are the stupid perfumes that are sponsored by people you can't stand, let alone want to smell like. People like Brittney Spears and Celine Dion should die screaming with their own perfume being sprayed into their stupid eyes. DIE!

Sulking kids. They've been forced to go shopping with the family, and now they're sulking around with a 'woe is me' look on their faces. Ok sure, shopping with the family sucks, but the easier you make it to leave, the sooner you're out of there. Dragging your feet, complaining and standing there being a brat just makes things suck even worse.

Announcements made over the PA system that make no sense, or are so garbled that you're sure it's just someone jamming the microphone into their pants and rubbing up against something.