Being pregnant sucks!
Some people LOVE being pregnant, while others endure 9 months of feeling like shit.
*AND NO JCP IS NOT PREGNANT!!!!!*

Terms like 'knocked up', 'with child', 'in the family way' and other lame crap like that.

Having to pee a lot. By the end, if you even walk by a bathroom you suddenly have to go.

Getting bigger by the day until you feel and look like some sort of sick joke.

People telling you their horrific birth stories, or worse yet, how it only took 1 hour and barely hurt, even though they didn't use any drugs.

Being asked if you're going to videotape it. Who in their right minds wants to watch that? It's not like you're going to invite everyone over for some spaghetti and then put THAT on.

Hair grows much quicker, EVERYWHERE.

Your boobs are bigger, but far less fun.

Being kicked from the inside out when you're trying to sleep.

The endless blood tests and appointments.

Worrying about things going wrong.

Having everyone guessing at what you're having based on how you're carrying.

Taking longer and longer to get up stairs.

That awkward point where you look bigger, and people can't tell if you're just fat or pregnant.

Having people want to touch your stomach. If that isn't normal when you're not pregnant, why is it suddenly ok if you are?

You suddenly need various types of pads for various parts of your body.

Having to stop eating certain things and then worrying that maybe you DID eat it before knowing you shouldn't.

People telling you not to have ANY coffee.

Having your taste buds change so suddenly you like food you normally hate, or hating things that you normally love.

Your sense of smell is suddenly heightened, and everyone around you STINKS.

You're expected to be this hormonal freak, and if you get angry, it's blamed on that.

The stupidest commercials make you want to cry, or throw things at the tv.

People start asking you personal questions and think nothing of it because don't ALL pregnant women want to talk about breastfeeding and circumcision if it's a boy?

You start having to count in months and weeks.

Women telling you how much they LOVED being pregnant.

Pre-washing tons of tiny clothes and getting freaked out by them all. Then you realize you have to somehow SORT them.

Finding yourself somewhere in the house and having NO idea what you're doing there. You become convinced that the baby is sucking the IQ out of you.

Your house begins to fill up with small sized things and you've got to find places for them that you'll be able to remember when deprived of sleep.

Worrying about really stupid things.

Being given things that you really dislike or find really useless, but having to keep them around to be nice to the person who gave it to you. (And hell no, they didn't include a receipt or get it off the registry.)

Having people think that blue is only for boys, and girls MUST have pink - so they refuse to buy anything until they KNOW what the sex of the baby will be.

Wanting to consume everything in the fridge for a snack.

Dry heaving and/or puking several times during the night, and randomly during the day.

Being tired.

Having to learn how to sleep on your side and get comfy with a huge stomach.

People keep asking "How are you feeling?" as though they're expecting you to burst into tears.

Being told you look like you're glowing, or that you're ready to pop.

Everyone keeps congratulating you. Are they proud you had sex? Shouldn't they congratulate you once you push it out?

Waddling.

Getting yellow and green clothes ONLY if you don't know the sex of the baby. There are other colours to choose from!

Trying to get in and out of vehicles.

Dropping something on the floor and needing a minute to figure out how to crouch down and get it.

The urge to repaint the whole house every other week.

The whole nesting thing - especially if you find yourself scrubbing door handles with a toothbrush.

People telling you that your life will change. NO SHIT! Life IS change.

Being given gigantic books about parenting. Who the hell has the time to sit down and READ all those!?

People taking your photo so they can show others how 'big' you've gotten.

Waking up and not feeling any movement, and you freak out for about an hour until you get kicked again.

Everyone giving you advice on things you'll never remember, or don't agree with.

Everyone telling you you'll NEVER sleep again. Sure, you won't sleep for the next 25+ years, but after that maybe you will. Either way, you don't need people rubbing that in your face all the time!

People looking at you, then checking your hand for a ring. *Gasp* can people get pregnant without being married?!

Being told by idiots that you need to get rid of your cat or any other pet.

Having people telling you to NEVER let the child sleep in the bed or in the bedroom with you.

People who try to tell you beforehand how you should handle disciplining your child.

Trying to figure out what the hell everyone else sees in ultrasounds, when to you it looks like a smeared mess of black and white.

People suggesting names to you that are just HORRIBLE. Paris is NOT a name! Spelling things with extra y's and dropping vowels to make it 'unique' is NOT cool!

Being told to abandon the idea of cloth/pocket diapers because they thing it takes more time and energy to clean them. (And come on, there are those called Bum Genius - that is just a nice way of saying SMART ASS. Who wouldn't want those on your baby's ass?!) The money and landfill space you save is more than worth the initial investment of some cloth/pocket diapers.

People who are SO hardcore into a theme for the room that they dictate EXACTLY what can and can't be bought to fit in with it.

People who think you're going to invite EVERYONE you know into the hospital room to watch you give birth, or that you want a ton of visitors RIGHT after.

People trying to hand you their baby to take care of so you can 'get practice'.

Suddenly you're expected to give a crap about kids, babies and other pregnant chicks around you.

Being called names like preggo, preggosaurus, preggopotomus, fat ass, and preggers.

Seeing your belly button turn into something frightening.

Getting out of the shower or tub becomes an athletic event.

Avoiding going places because you feel huge, can't see your feet to put shoes on and can't be more than 15 steps from the bathroom.

Being asked if you need to go take a nap all the time.

People who think that hey, why not just schedule an induction or csection so you don't have to deal with the unpredictability of LIFE?

People who start asking about a second one when you haven't even had this one yet. Why the HELL does everyone think you have to have more than one kid?

Having to go register for things when you have NO idea what you'll need.

Knowing that at the end of it all, you're going to have to push it out!

Forgetting what it's like to have jeans/pants that actually do up instead of just some that you pull on.

 

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