Like most webusers, my inbox is haunted by chain letters from people who love to harrass me. Most are codswallop (isn't that a great word?) but some really are blantantly crap. I recieved this one just the other day containing all sorts of questions that are meant to make me chuckle but only succeed in being slightly annoying. Can you answer these questions so I can send your answers out on the internet in the hope that these people will shut up? I wait with baited breath - Mzebonga

The questions are as follows:

1. Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?
to mess with our minds and drive us to the brink of insanity with confusing things like that

2. Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
i'm sure they CAN... but it's probably just easier if they do that cuz of the muscles or something

3. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
it does

4. Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
because a psychic hasn't won one yet... and they'd have to proove they knew it would happen

5. Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
so it's more fun to abbreviate

6. Why is a boxing ring square?
it's easier to build and that way there are only 4 posts instead of way more to make the shape of a ring

7. Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
so if you bury someone alive they can't push their way out

8. Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
it is practice... they do all the practicing on the normal public so they can be ready for the really important people

9. Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?
it's a speed thing...

10.Why is it that to stop Windows 95, you have to click on "Start"?
it is a microsoft product... logic is forbidden

11.Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
i don't... but some people just can't multitask and should therefore pull over to the side of the road and give up driving

12.Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavour, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
both are lying to confuse you into a buying frenzy

13.Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
why does a broker have to be a man? some chick is going to beat the hell out of you

14.Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?
i call it ralph

15.Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
so you feel more panicy and when you do something insane due to stress they can put it on tv for others to laugh at during dinner

16.Why isn't there a special name for the back of your knee?
there is but no one is going to tell you... we know who you're working for and we're not telling you ANYTHING

17.Why isn't there mouse-flavoured cat food?
mice are to play with not eat

18.Why can fat people go skinny-dipping?
naked is naked

19.Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?
spackle is cheap... buy it while you can... and it proves your age...

20.Why do you park on a driveway and drive on a parkway?
because of orange

21.Where does your lap go when you stand up? Is it still a lap?
yes it is and it goes into hiding

22.Why do I keep getting emails like this
people seem to like you... and your inbox... its comfy in there...

23.Why do I keep forwarding them?
you are a tool of society