Internet Scams
5/11/05 - by drunkennewfiemidget -

So, for the last few days I've been looking on the Internet trying to find a stupid side job for my girlfriend. Something she can do from home on the Internet. We're not looking for $100/hr or anything, just a $8/hr data entry job of some sort or something.

You can't find those on the Internet. That's because the internet is riddled with offers for jobs paying $15,000 part time per month!

This leads me to believe one of two things: #1: the people coming up with these things are horrendously bored, or, #2: people still fall for that shit. Unfortunately, people are dumb, so I know the answer is #2.

It's 2005. How do people this stupid continue to exist? They need to make sex more difficult. They also need to let me kill stupid people to 'thin the herd' as Darwin would put it.

Spam exists because people still buy things from it. Let me save you a lot of money right now:

  1. No pill on the Internet is going to make your small penis bigger.
  2. No pill on the Internet will make you ejaculate by the bucket.
  3. No pill on the Internet will cure your premature ejaculation.
  4. No, you didn't win the lottery.
  5. No, that nice man from Nigeria isn't going to give you any money.
  6. No, hot girls in your neighbourhood DON'T want to fuck you. The closest thing to wanting to fuck you they will ever do is mention you as that "creepy guy who tried to talk to me the other day" while chatting about nothing right after fucking her boyfriend's eyes out.
  7. No, paypal doesn't need you to verify your account information.
  8. No, sending $80 to Sarah from Idaho who makes $325,000 a year from her home-based business won't make you money.

Are we clear now? Good. If you still insist any of this is possible, then please sell your house, your car, and all of your belongings, and put the money in a savings account. Go to a local Internet cafe, and e-mail money transfer, or paypal all of your money to drunkennewfiemidget at gmail dot com. There's a better chance of me helping you out after you pay me than any of them -- and I won't help you. At all.

If spam didn't work, it wouldn't exist. If those MLM scams didn't work, they wouldn't exist. You know what that means? Someone out there is certainly getting rich off them. Sadly though, it's not you, and it never will be you. Get over it.

That, and you're fucking it up for the rest of us who want to use the Internet to find LEGITIMATE work from home jobs.