Laundry sucks!
By JCP March 2006
There should be a box I shove my clothes into and it simply cleans, folds and puts the clothes away by itself. The rare times I'm forced to do my own laundry (Yes, I'm married.) I can't help but come up with more reasons to hate it. So finally, here it is, a list for all of us that hate doing the laundry.

Wet clothes feel gross to touch.

Wet clothes are heavy and annoying to pull out of the washing machine and then put into the dryer. WHY isn't there one that does BOTH? That would make life easier.

Having to calculate out when you can put the next load of laundry in the washer because the dryer takes longer than the washing machine.

Forgetting clothes in the washing machine and they end up stinking from being wet, forcing you to wash them a few times over.

People who forget to empty out the lint trap, causing their dryer to not work as well (requiring more and longer times in there to get things dry) or creating a fire hazard when it backs up into the machine.

Having to separate clothing for some reason or another because they will stain or bleed.

When the machine goes off balance and makes horrendous knocking sounds until you're forced to go try to even it out.

Having the soap not dissolve properly so everything has soap clumped on it.

Trying to figure out the damned dials on the machines and accidentally ripping off the knob you're supposed to press in instead of pull out.

People who try to save money by putting it all to the COLDEST setting and then running the same load three times because the soap won't dissolve.

Finding out that your red clothing isn't exactly color-proof and turns a lot of your crap pink.

If you live with someone and you're to take turns doing it, or it's their job, somehow YOUR clothes always get done last, half-assed or not at all. Then when you complain, they act like doing laundry is the biggest chore on the planet and they're doing their best. LIES!

Having to sort through big piles of laundry.

Having to smell clothes to figure out if they're dirty or not.

Hanging up the clothes, folding them, putting them away and all that crap once they're finally dry.

There always seems to be a basket/pile of laundry hanging around somewhere just when you think it's finally all done.

You seem to wash towels all the time but there are never any clean towels around when you need one.

Having to match up all the socks once you finally gather them together and wash them. Then you find out that almost all have no matches. When you go to look for them, you can't find them and then become really paranoid that this is a conspiracy of some sort.

No matter what, the actual smell of freshly aired laundry outside can not be duplicated with chemicals.

Hanging up laundry outside is time-consuming. Then, just as you walk away, it starts to rain when there were NO clouds in the sky when you began. By the time you get them all inside, it's stopped raining again.

There are so many brands of detergent, and all you want is a simple non-stinky one that CLEANS your clothes without costing you a fortune or making you smell like a flowery meadow.

People who put clean clothes in the laundry because they are wrinkled from them not hanging them up properly.

Being in the laundry area/room and having one of the buzzers go off, scaring the shit out of you.

Having to lug your clothes all the way to a laundromat, swearing that you'll never leave it this long again but you know you will because going the to a laundromat is a pain in the ass.

Having to wear wrinkled clothing because you didn't hang/fold it up properly when it wasn't fully dry.

Putting it off so long that you end up wearing a sock and bed sheet to work because they're the only clean items you have, really.

People who throw out dirty clothes and buy new clothing just so they don't have to do laundry.

Getting all the way to the laundromat and discovering you've forgotten your quarters/money.

People who take your stuff out before it's done and start to do theirs, leaving yours to rot on the floor or in a pile somewhere.

People who see you doing your laundry and then sneak in their stuff or assume that it means you'll do theirs too.

Getting the soap in your eye somehow.

Losing the few clothes you do like in the pile of dirty clothes you don't like.

Having something get caught up in the washer forcing you to work it free and end up tearing/stretching the clothing.

Hanging up wet clothing and having stretch, making it look like your shoulders have bumps or horns due to the hanger.

People who have this huge process for doing laundry and end up sorting it into 10 different piles according to color, size, fabric, the owner of the clothing and what day of the week it is.

Just as you finish up doing your laundry, you drop it somehow and it falls onto something that makes it dirty again.

Washing something so it's free of pet hair only to find them curled up in the basket with it.

Trying to figure out how to get bras and underwear to be washed without them getting wrapped up in the washing machine.

Forgetting to not put something in the dryer that should be and it's not yours, and the person who owns it specifically told you NOT to put it in the dryer.

Finding a strangers stained underwear in with your laundry.

Using dishwasher soap instead of washing machine soap.

Thinking that throwing in a bar of soap in with the laundry is the same as washing machine soap.

Having to wash your clothes by hand every day in the sink because you have no washer, are too lazy to go to the laundromat or simply too poor to be able to do either.

Finding out that the soap you use makes you stink horribly and you have to throw out all the soap.

People who throw the clean laundry on top of the dirty laundry once it's been done and then complain they never have any clean clothes.

People who wear your clothes because they're are all dirty and they're too lazy to do their own laundry.

Having to make time to do the laundry.

Dealing with the static of sheets etc when you've got long hair.

People who see you about to do laundry and say "If you're doing a load, could you just wash something for me?".

When you forget to read the label on something and it comes out of the dryer the size for a small child.

People who giggle every time you say the word load.

Forgetting things like markers, pills, tissue, candies/chocolate, and other stuff in your pockets so it makes a huge mess in your clothing when washed.

That loud clinking noise that is made when money from your pockets or the zippers/buttons on clothing when it's in the dryer.

Getting so lazy that you wear your clothes into the shower with you so you don't have to do laundry.

Having to make small talk with the laundromat person or others using it.

Trying to figure out how to fold sheets by yourself without having them drop onto the floor and getting dirty again.

Clothes are heavy when all bunched together and wet.

People who put all the lint collected into a bag but never empty the bag. Then, you accidentally kick it over, kicking up the fluff everywhere and you sneeze for about an hour.

Fancy soaps for every type of clothing but you just want ONE type that cleans them ALL.

Stains that weren't on the clothing before they went into the laundry now seem to have some.

Clothing that needs to be turned inside out before washing so it's color stays longer.

Trying to cheap out by not buying dryer sheets and then having your clothes be itchy and staticy.

Being told you're not folding things properly.

Having your favorite clothing tossed in with some towels to be washed and it gets covered with fluff from the towels.

People who shouldn't be using bleach do and then destroy your clothes.

Leaving the cap of the bleach and kicking/knocking it over into your dark clothes.

People who think throwing tea-bags in with the laundry is a good idea and then are surprised when it makes a mess and stains some clothing.

Wearing pants where the legs can be zipped off to make shorts and forgetting to wash the legs so by the time fall/winter hits, the legs and top part are completely different colors, forcing you to either keep them as shorts, or wash the legs over and over.

Washing fleece clothing. The static is annoying and it picks up every bit of fluff around it.

Forgetting clothes in the washer and finding it several days later after it's turned into a new lifeform and being forced to either give it up to a zoo or throw the clothing away.

Tripping from the weight and dropping all your clean laundry on the dirty floor.

Having the buzzer go off when you're right beside it and it scares the hell out of you.

Having to clean out the stupid lint trap thing, getting it everywhere.

When people muck about with the settings on YOUR machines and don't put them back.

Trying to wash drapes, because no matter what you do, they never come out without wrinkles, forcing you to somehow iron them or get someone to iron them for you.

Washing duvets. They get so big and heavy, it takes forever for them to dry.

Machines that you can't use properly because they're too big or tall for you.

People/kids/spouses who try to be nice by doing the laundry, fuck it all up horribly but you can't yell at them because they were trying and simply didn't know better.

Getting pissed off and kicking the laundry pile only to discover that there is a laundry basket in there and you just broke your toe on it.

Spilling the soap everywhere.

Having those dryer sheets fall out of your arms/legs of your clothing while out in public or at work because you didn't see it when taking it out of the dryer.

Putting off the laundry until you're wearing a garbage bag and a sock because everything is horribly stinky and dirty.

People who try to wear their clothes inside out and backwards in order to avoid laundry for a few extra days/weeks.

Having a laundry night where you pretend it's some sort of fun event when everyone knows it's not.

Being hassled to do the laundry because the other person wears the same 3 pieces of clothing all week.

People who hide their laundry and then bitch that you never do their laundry.

Having to wash your clothes over and over after visiting friends/family who are chain smokers and they made your clothes stink.

Being a smoker and thinking that washing something you're selling will rid it of your horrible stink.

People who like to wash items they've borrowed from you and then spray it with perfume or something and you're forced to wash it again to get rid of the smell.

Having the power go out half-way through the washing cycle.

Accidentally using the wrong setting on the machines, or simply not noticing that they've been changed on you.

Clothes that look good but are made cheaply and fall apart the first time you wash them.

Concert tshirts that fade away, or have the lettering/graphics crack and peel away the second you put them in the washing machine.

Forgetting money or important notes in your pockets and you're forced to try to get information/use out of the wadded paper mess left.

Having to wash one item alone because it bleeds color.

Secret pockets in clothing that you forget about until you wear the item again and find a melted bit of candy or something in it. Then you can't get it out of the pocket, leaving it sticky and ruined forever.

Feeling like a fat freak when you put on freshly washed jeans and they feel really tight. Then, before they stretch out a bit, every time you sit down, you feel like your jeans are trying to squeeze the life out of you.

Forgetting your iPod/MP3 player/cell phone in your pocket before washing.

Thinking that your clothes are dry and putting them on only to discover wet spots in the armpits, crotch or other areas pressed close to your body.

Dials that are just pictures that make no sense.

Trying to figure out what the hell symbols on clothing are before giving up and tossing them all in together.

People who know what all the symbols mean on clothing and go to painstaking lengths to obey every one.

People who only buy specific materials of clothing so they have to get all their clothes dry cleaned.

Putting the clothes you want to give away to goodwill into a bag and dropping it off, only to find out that your kids/spouse/roommate thought that it was for your dirty/clean clothes, and put some in there that you still want.

Having someone else go through your clothes for goodwill while you're not there, claiming they know what you like/don't like and end up getting rid of a ton of things that they don't like you in but you liked to wear.

People who wear your clothes without your knowing, then toss it in the laundry pile for you to clean because it's yours, confusing the hell out of you because you didn't' remember wearing it and why it's dirty.

People who wear your clothes, stain them, try to wash the stain away, fail and just give it back again hoping you won't notice or can somehow magically get your washing machine to get rid of the stain.

People who use bath beads as soap because they're cheaper.

Thinking that you've lost a shirt or piece of clothing only to find it inside another one weeks later.

When doing other people's laundry, you have to see their dirty underwear.

People who put their clothes in a garbage pail and spray them with a hose instead of doing the laundry right.

People who leave their dirty and clean laundry EVERYWHERE in their place. On the couch/sofa, on their bed, in the bathroom, on the floors, bursting out of the closets etc.

People who sniff you because they like the smell of your clean clothes.

Detergent that is floral but ends up smelling like weed/pot and you get odd looks at work/from parents.

People who put their clothes in the toilet, throw in some soap and flush it a few times in a sad attempt to clean them.

People who wear all black and think that it never stains so they don't have to do the laundry very often.

Why is it always your favorite stuff that gets ruined in the wash? Why it never the hideous sweater that you're forced to wear by your parents/grandparents/family/spouse/partner?