Pissing Off Ebay Sellers
By JCP Jan 2003
Some sellers suck ass so here is how you annoy them.

Ask if they accept monopoly money as payment.

Steal their pictures.

Ask them if the item has been raised/stored in a negative environment, or surrounded by 'bad chi'.

Ask for the item to be packed using only green packing peanuts.

Send them salts etc to 'cleanse' the item before shipping it out.

Since bidding, you've had a divorce and your ex gets half of everything, so you'd like them to cut the item in half and send each half to different addresses.

Ask them... if I'm on a plane with this item, and the plane goes down in water, can I use the item as a floatation device?

Leave positive feedback that says "my other feedback is a negative".

Ask if you can icq them a payment.

Bid, then retract the bid and tell them that you thought you were dreaming. Do this repeatedly, saying you thought it was a reoccurring dream.

Offer them $5 for everything they are selling if they throw in free shipping.

Tell them you'd like to see the item and have your dog sniff it before you bid.

Say that you will pay triple the item worth if they tell the cops that you were with them Friday night.

Email them random parts of their auction HTML.

Accuse them of stealing the item they're selling from you while you were sleeping.

Ask to pay in installments.

Offer to trade something for the item.

Tell them you'll pay you when you get the item.

Tell them "Other sellers have given me presents and discounts because I told them I'm disabled. Will this sort of thing work with you?"

Tell them "I am in a wheelchair as I type this, so I should get the item for free."

Tell them to send the item for free, because you're saving up to take dying children to Diney World.

Email them to say that your email doesn't work and you will send payment once it's working again.

Tell them "I can't find paypal on my computer and the bank says they don't do paypal payments. You must be a fraud."

Say you know you sent payment to someone, can't they just ship out the item already?

Ask them to wrap the item in 2 pages of a local newspaper, 3 layers green tissue paper, put in a white cardboard box with pink packing peanuts, dump in 1/2 cup of blue sparkles, and wrap it all on the outside with glittery 'happy birthday' paper.

Tell them you have been waiting 5 minutes now and still haven't recieved the item.

Reasons not to pay for ebay items or reply to ebay emails requesting payment.
Sellers hear all sorts of excuses from you deadbeats, might as well be creative about it.

You've been forced to kill your family and haven't been at the computer for awhile due to this.

The hum of the lights in your office are so loud that you were distracted from the emails.

Satan told you to bid but jesus said not to pay.

You thought bidding was just part of the game 'ebay' you've been playing.

Your speakers broke last week.

You only reply to emails that have NOW in the subject line.

You've had to do lots of strip dances for your webcam and got so many emails that the ebay one got lost in it.

The wrong font was used in the email and you found it offensive.

The brightness on your monitor is so bright you couldn't see the emails.

The earth spun a little too fast for you and you are now living a week behind everyone else.

Someone told you that you look fat in those pants and you've been dieting ever since, and email is fattening.

An alien possessing your body did the bidding, but has since found a new host so you don't want the item anymore.

You've found religion since bidding and have been on a communal farm for the last few weeks.

Your dogs ate the email before you were able to read it.

You were in a car accident and now you have severe headaches that hurts more when you pay people for auction items.

You had to count out your pennies to make sure you had enough money and you're not good at math so it took awhile.

Your dog kept barking, so you forgot to check your email.

You haven't been sleeping well, so you took a sleeping pill and was out for days.

One of your other personalities bid on it, so they'll have to wait until that personality takes 'control' again and pays.

You spilt coffee on keyboard, which prevented you from paying.