By JCP via email - August 2003 -

Ok so here are your questions Mr. Schizoid:

1. Have you given any thought to how you will write out 'schizoid' when you have
to start signing autographs?

It's not something I've thought about, I don't expect people will want me to sign their CDs. It will probably be a hastily drawn version of the Schizoid logo. Any time I've got asked for an autograph I did a doubletake like at first thinking they were making fun of me or something.

2. How often do you go online and into chat rooms just to argue with people?
Not very often, I argue with all kinds of assholes enough in real life, let alone doing it on the internet which is supposed to be an escape. I like to go on and argue with people tho, whenever there is a post about some band I will go in and post and say something like 'YOU FUCKING IDIOTS THAT BAND IS NU-METAL, YOU CAN'T TELL ME YOU REALLY LIKE THAT RAPPER SHIT" important stuff like that. I also like to post my 2 cents on articles about Metallica and call them sell outs.

3. If we gave you ten dollars, would you let us jump on your bed for awhile?
Alright, I guess. But only for a while. And you'd all have to take off your shoes. And you would only be able to jump up and down one at a time. I don't want my box spring broken. And if you break it, you pay for it. If I get a complaint from the neighbours downstairs, you have to pay for the fine. If it happens multiple times and I am evicted because you keep jumping on my bed after paying me and I have to move, you have to rent the moving van, and help me move my items. If you don't move my items in the ways that I dictate at the time, there will be another fine. Once you've moved me in, you will not be welcome to stay for a housewarming. After I've settled in, you will not call me and ask to drop by and jump on my bed. You can however email me at a yet to be determined email address. I will find people's beds for you to jump on, and I will charge a fee for booking your time jumping on their beds, and I will also require the bed jumping fees percentage of each person down the line who decides to to do the same. If they decide to start up their own booking business, I want a cut of the business's income as well. How does that sound?

4. Are there times you hate the crowd at a gig and just want to throw things at them?
EVERY show I want to. I think it's funny, GG Allin would shit into his hands and fling it at the audience. Seth of Anal Cunt threw mikestands at the crowd. One time .Miq's guitar cord was getting wrapped up in the mic stand that was in front of him and he kicked it into the crowd. People were all like "*gasp!!!". Even when the crowd is being good, in between songs if I'm feeling it, I'll throw CDs into the crowd, but more to them, not AT them. When we opened for EC8OR, I threw a Schiz CD into the crowd, looked away and flung it like a frisbee. It flew like a ninja star and hit Black Metal Mike right between the eyes and stunned him, and people scrambled to pick up the CD that landed at his feet.

5. Since you run d-trash and get sent 'demo' tapes/mp3s etc from bands, what has
been the worst one you've heard so far and why?

LOL - There was this one tape "Mr. California" - if I remember right, the bio was done in like crayon or magic marker, it looked like a little kid sent me the tape - It was on cassette and I had to turn my stereo up to like 3/4s of full volume, so I was getting my ears ready incase some other stuff was on the tape at normal volume cuz it would have blown apart my stereo for loud to come in The stuff was ultra quietly recorded, what was there and well I don't even remember what style it was, whethere it was digital hardcore or industrial, selective memory loss I guess. I just remember me and a friend getting stoned and checking it out and we didn't know whether to laugh or if this was a joke we weren't getting I get lots of industrial/EBM stuff from guys with their air brushed PVC clad photos who are trying to be the next VNV Nation or something and I'm just laughing, like "Guys, don't send your goth-pop to us, don't you know what DTrash is about, you couldn't be any further from the mark then this?!"

6. Who is your favorite character from 'you can't do that on television'?
I like Christine/Moose. She is funny and sort of reminds me of my old friend Sara. I heard in real life she gave the producers shit, and was even a punk rocker. For some episodes she only had that curly hair because really, she had shaved her head?! I always thought that was neat. She always cut down that chatterbox Lisa Ruddy and told her to shut up.

7. We have a present for you here but we're not telling you what it is. Will that eat away at you until we finally give it to you?
What, the present, will it eat away at me? Hopefully not.
Oh, telling me what the present is? Depends on if you remind me about it and bug me, then I might just want to know to get it out of the way. Cause it probably won't live up to my expectations. But you can try. Here's a list of things I would like: DVD Player, Multimedia Capture Card for my PC, a new mountain bike, a new CD wallet, a replacement for my Walkman headphones. Is it any of those things?

8. Will you make us a song using only simpsons sound clips and call it 'doh'?
Probably not. But if you paid me enough I might try, but don't expect anything good.

9. The last time you answered the phone, who was calling?
"Hi there Mr. Smith, this is so and so from So and So Marketing Agency. We have a consumer survey that will only take a few minutes to complete and we'd like to see if you'd be willing to" - Then I hold my fingers down on the phone number keys to make loud phone tones until I hear a *CLICK from them hanging up. That was last night and the most recent call I've got on the phone.

10. If asked to do 'singing' vocals for a song, would you do it?
I would, I'd like to try that maybe. I wouldn't like belt my heart out or something but I like how Manson or Trent Reznor sing sometimes. I might try doing that, singing along with a riff, but then hiding those vocals in the background and having my screams in the forefront. I like music that has lots of different variations on the vocals. If you hear Manson or even (you'll like this) Mike Patton, he is doing the singing, the screaming, the whispering, the belching, all sorts of serious and non serious voices. It would help me as a vocalist and songwriter to try this. Don't expect me to sing like those Boy Band creeps though.