By JCP via email - July 2004 -
1. When was the last time you were given shit for something?
1. The other day I fucked up the payroll and 3 of the senior team were underpaid. Although, I didn't get too much shit. But that's the last time. Woo yay!

2. If asked to be on a reality show where you just live in the house with other people and there are cameras all the time, would you agree to it if they paid you a million dollars?
Is this like Canadian money? Because that's about £1.69 right? Or would I have to appeal to the general public to win the money? How long would this last? If I just had to sit in a house and avoid getting naked on camera and try not to kill other people, sure. If it were for less than 5 weeks, no problem. I've put up with detestable bastards for longer than that.

3. Do you have a favorite or 'lucky' number?

4. What do you do when you're bored?
Occasionally, watch TV, read or shoot terrorists. Or maybe search for porn. When I'm really desperate I talk to you. When I'm hideously out of things to do, I talk to Nikon.

5. Do you play videogames and if so, what is your favorite and why?
Favourite Video Game? There are so many. I mean, I love all the retro classics like Mario and Sonic. Hmmm.... Now I want to dig out my NES and Megadrive... But I'm getting really into the tactical ops games like the Tom Clancy ones (Ravenshield, Ghost Recon & Splinter Cell) but, likewise, there's nothing like the unbridled carnage that is Unreal Tournament 2003. If I had to name-drop a load more, I'd go for: ToeJam & Earl 3, Jedi Knight 2: Jedi Outcast, Driver 2 & Baldur's Gate 2.

6. Have you done anything interesting in the last 2 months?

7. If I punched you in the face, would you hit me back?
Punching is liable to mess up your hands. I try to kick and headbutt. Generally, it causes more damage to your aggressor than yourself.

8. What is the worst part about your job?
Probably the pay. Because the pay isn't quite enough to really merit everything I do for the company. But, I quite like the responsibility I get and I get the impression that I'm at least listened to if not taken seriously. I also hate taking minutes in meetings. That sucks.

9. Why is there no question ten?
If there were a question 10, then this question wouldn't be here and there'd be no question 9. In the interest of keeping numbers in order, question 10 declined to be present on this occasion.