I'd think that I was sleeping in a very wrong place.- Mort

I would know that I'd been used as a sedentary bait to tempt fire ants out of their burrows. What other possible interpretation could there be?- Fish

I'd pull the dildo out of my ass and lay between my box spring and mattress on my bed and go, "I'M A SANDWICH!"- Hufflebunny

id get very scared- louby

I would imagine all the possible sexual things I could have done last night. A guy could dream cant he?- mori

" ......fughhhhhhh"- JAG

I knew that it was a bad idea to date a blob.- bluemonkeyfearer

then i would keep quietly to myself that i had probably been raped last night and try to walk it off- shittyunderwearman

then i'd have to go to the nearist liqure store, buy a bottle and drown my painful ass in some hardcore liqure- Smitty

Go take a bath. There's got to be a reasonable excuse. One for my boss, no way am i going to work today!- eva psychotic

omg!! it happened again?? i thought i told that bastard Gar not to trick me into eating special brownies dammit!!! he was trying to get me back for the dencer thign i pulled on him in July!!!! it was him, the little old ladies and the sock monkey all together!!! but then again, i might just have breakfast in bed with my jam...- poothrower

I'd rub my ass for a bit... try to avoid walking, and then I'd go look for the pictures or the vidoetapes.. because when I'm there... there's always pictures or video tapes..- SG*

Oh this has happened before. I'd better call the accidental poison consumption hotline, I know a few streets away there will be a tree full of magpies that desperately need some healing.- Nelson

Well, this has happened once too many times before. I'd have to tell my friend "looby" that he needs to grow up, and pour out the rest of the alchohol before it happens again. Just to make sure nothing got left up there, I'd see that I get my bowels checked out so I wouldn't have to play "guess what just came out of your ass" on the toilet.... is that a game ?-me

Yeah, sometimes Emerald loses control of her tail when she ingests too many Flintstone vitamins....- McDiablo

I was born like that- BananaBooHoo

If I woke up covered in jam, my ass sore and amnesia all over, This question would apeal to me most, because I'd be like, "do YOU know what happened to me last night?" *shifty eyes* I would certainly hope not, because all you sock monkeys would pay the price with My Penguin Army! AHAHAHAHAHA! ahh weheheeeee->- General Sock Penguin

...same thing I always do; make toast, shower, and start drinking until the pain goes away.- j0eg0d

sounds like every party i've been to for the last couple of years.- SiNiSTaR

i would think that that perverted guy across the street had too much fun that night...i've seen him eyeing my from across the street as he's watering the plants in his yard...so THAT's why he's always out there!! ahhhh!! RAPE!!!! i won't feel safe anymore!! ahh! PARANOIA!!!!!!YAAACCK!! he'll be over again to night! but i'll be ready for that perverted monkey face!! yea! that's right! i'll get him back! ha! i'll put my grandma in bed, then when he comes in the window, and starts the nasty nasty with grandma, she'll wake up and hit him wiht her big old lady purse the only old ladies have, and he'll die of fright because she's almost bald and has no dencers!!!!!!!!muahahahahha!!- exceptionally fat tomato

I'd know it was Sunday morning and nothing was out of the ordinary... Phew!- Archbishop Shaggy

I would have been raped by the blob. Wouldn't have been the first time....- SkyofStLuke

I would get a DNA swab taken of my anal mucus to see if the team of CSI could identify the murderer...- Mzebonga

for get it all happened and laph bout it- Danni

I would put the jam into a bucket and throw it in the fridge for later, then i would masage my butt until it was less tence, then maybe go eat some jam, Howl.- Wolfman

i would remember all the gay sex in the past and would check if i was hungover... that would explain it.- thathinguywhois

Well i'd have to say I had been buttfucked the night before and I need to stop drinking. - hmm

I'd go back home to alpha centauri. - dco

I'd wanna do it again.- Mantis

I'd have to go have a look in the mirror to see if I'd become the drunken 5 year old genius boy, because that sounds like some situation he'd be in. Am I naked and covered in jam or do I have clothes? Are they MY clothes or someone else's? It's just not a good sign when you wake up in someone else's clothes. A shirt, maybe. There could be an innocent explanation for a shirt. But not pants. That's just too strange. Underwear is just..no. I'm going to stop right here. - FartMonkey

Id search around my house, in the process finding a mentally disturbed 9th grader sitting in the bathroom chanting, I won't rape asses anymore. I cannot help the fact that a colony of walruses have moved into my ass. By the way, what kind of jam is it? - Monkeeskittles

I would have a shower- Horse

Sounds like the bear's got ya. Them homosexual bears I fucking hate them.-satan

I'd lick the jam off, photo my jamified bum and post it on ever single forum that exists on the internet.- Purple Lemming

I'd crawl into the fetal position and cry.- Ugly_blue_monkey