Typical Young Whippersnapper
April/05/06 - by McDiablo -

Most of the rants on this fair website focus on the morons that inhabit this planet. Who else should I add to this ever growing list? How about senior citizens.

Yeah, I respect my elders and all that jazz, and not all of them are horrible--but, of course, there are a select few worth ranting about.

Those who exploit their ailing health:

Yes, we get it--you’re old and with old age comes illness. Your senses aren’t as good as they once were and you get aches and pains in your joints. All right, we understand. Please, suffer silently.

I recall a time when I was helping an elderly woman at my old job. She needed my help because, apparently, she was blind (I say “apparently” because she was by herself and functioning quite normally without any assistance. In short, I think she was embellishing the truth to get out of holding all her shit, but anyways…). She gave me her purse and the box of chocolates she wanted to buy and I helped her over to the till. The entire time, she kept saying things that ended with “because I’m blind.” When I told her I was giving back her purse, she snapped with, “Well, I can’t see it. I’m blind.”

Making people feel guilty about your situation will not help you in the least. People like this don’t seem to understand that.

Creepy old men:

I was going to call them “older gentlemen”, but they don’t deserve that kind of respect. These freaks think they can get away with saying anything to younger women. I guess they figure their creep-tastic remarks will flatter the ladies and they can be thought of as “that cute little old man” by them. Uh, sorry, that shit doesn’t work with me or many other women either. It’s just damn creepy. Just ask my mom--she has an old man stalker with one hell of a bad comb over. She wasn’t flattered when he said, “I oughta take you to the cinema!” or when he kissed her on the cheek after New Year’s. Nope, she just wanted to run and hide.

Speaking of bad comb overs…

They’re hideous. Please, do us all a favour and stop giving yourself a comb over. Better yet, just shave your head. Thank you.

Bitching seniors:

Calm down or I will beat you with your walker.

I worked with a girl in her mid-twenties who was in a car accident that smashed up the left side of her body. She had many operations and was left with a slightly lame leg. Because she has troubles walking, she got a disabled parking pass.

Well, my goodness, how quick these bitching bitches were to judge. Sometimes when she parked in the handicap stall, the raging coots would get pissed off at her for doing so. It’s like these idiots can’t grasp onto the fact that sometimes people much younger than them are living with a disability and are struggling to do normal things (like driving or, hell, walking) because of it. Not all young people are lazy morons who purposely park in disabled parking stalls because they don’t feel like walking an extra meter.

And while I’m on the subject of young people…

Those who have little faith in youth:

Not all young people steal cars, mug old ladies for their purses or throw Molotov cocktails through the windows of random houses.

Okay, those are pretty extreme examples. Time to interject something from my own experience.

I went out for lunch one day with a group of friends (there were ten of us, including me). A woman sitting next to us remarked on how big our group was and asked if we were a church youth group.

Yeah, okay. She was a kind woman--kind and curious. But, something about that irked me. I guess when a group of “young’uns” are laughing, demonstrating (somewhat) polite behaviour, and aren’t saying “fuck” every second word then they MUST be a youth group. Nope, we definitely weren’t a group of friends merely enjoying one another’s company after deciding to get together. We couldn’t be. Well, unless we were a youth group.

You know, because that explains everything.

Like I said, not all seniors are bad, but, unfortunately, I tend to remember negative experiences. I suppose this just proves yet again that no matter what age bracket you fall under, there are idiots alongside you.

And here I thought things got better with age. Oh…wait, that’s just wine. Damn.