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: January 2005 Results

What if space monkeys came to your home, stripped you naked, pinned you down, shaved off ALL the hair on your body, rubbed you with peanut oil, licked your feet clean of the oil, tied you to a large wooden stick, carried you out of your house, down the street, picked a house at random, dug a hole in the front lawn, put the bottom of the stick you're tied to in the hole, filled the hole, and left you there?

NOT MY HAIR! Being stripped/played with/abused is ok though... Just... not the hair. Taken ages to grow it this long. - Mort

well, seeing as in my town, it is very conervative and small, i would prolly get arrested, go to court, get tried and found guilty!!! ALL because i'm not OJ Simpson or someone of equivelent stature in society...- okay

I'd say really I was tripping on good acid...but it'll be tough to explain to my friends how I got stuck in a flower pot.- UnHoly

I would start trying to get myself free from the pole. I would chew the rope I was tied with and find any way of freeing myself. Once I was free I would immediatly run to my own house again and call a phychiatrist.- InsaneEvilBarbieMelter

I suppose I wold hang out for a while.- Venomous

I would feel blessed and a bit orgasmic (foot licking). If they went through all the trouble to put me here, hi mrs johnson, then i can't argue with any sort of gifts or praise y'all wanna give me. Sorry ma'am, your petunias have made the utlimate sacrefice for her most holyness's boobs, count them lucky, as we all are.- Eva the Goddess

Yeah, that's pretty much what happened to Jesus too.- Mzebonga

seriously... id probably laugh myself to death.- Dark-angel

Space monkeys........were they blue? I cannot recall. Well, I am sitting here covered in peanut oil and attached to this stick. I think the owners of the house are on vacation. I've been here for three days and no one has assisted me. They just walk by and stare. Sometimes people bark at me. I am not sure what this is all about. It gets a bit frigid at night. I think after I get tired of being bark at I will scream in a maddened rage until I get to a high enough pitch that it becomes painful to all dogs. Then they will come and chew the ropes off and free me.- bluemonkeyfearer

i would scream "im naked and vulnerable" as loud as i could, and when they took me off of the pole, i would dance with until the space monkey's realized they fell passionatly in love with me and they would all want to have this golden idol made of me. i would hump it occasionally.- b_write

Kick and scream, getting a mouthful of earth at the same time.- Blah

ask what the fuck happened- heretic

I'd wrestle free of my bonds using the slickness of the peanut oil and find them and fling poo at them.- voggit

Am I supposed to sing? Ahhh, I never could figure out Kwanzaa.- j0eg0d

I'd have to go with the cliche "Be careful with what you wish for"- weirdDAR

this better be an april fool's joke or some space monkeys are gonna get some bananas shoved up their asses.- SupraPhantom

i'd masterbate like hell considering the full body massage i'd just recieved.- shwee

i would pretend to be a statue- stopasking

start screaming out obscenities to wake the people in the home or if theyre awake to bring them outside and get them to untie me.....i retain my pride bye screaming out obscenities..loading up on waepons going to the nearest zoo and brutally murdering all the primates- silly bastard

Oh fuck. Someone let my neighbor's kids loose again.- Crack Monkey Strikes Again

well I'd be slightly turned on by the whole thing.. but I'd most likely be raped after that wouldn't I? eh it's all fun! I'd very very happy about it!- SG*

i would be very disappointed that they didn't lick my genitals! but hopefully some gorgeous blonde would come and take me down from the stick and start massaging me everywhere and we would have the greatest sex!or perhaps little kids would find me and light me on fire and mak me scream and cry till i burned to a crisp.- thathinguywhois

I'd lick the peanut oil from wherever I could reach! - Acidic Pandah

I would pee on whoever wealked by until someone beet the shit out of me, i would then proceed to scream for help until i was rescued. I would then kill the person who rescued me because they are to good for this world.- weirdmonker

That sounds like a dream I had. Are you people reading my mind???? A girl needs privacy in her subconscious, you know. Geez....Mmm, peanut oil.- McDiablo

givem' 20 bucks and tell them, " Same time next week?". -me

i would die- juggalo

im'sure my own sock monkey,'OL' sock' would be there watching this assault on his best freind ,ME, then i would ask him if he rememberd the fun he had dureing the "wash,rinse,spin,AND,cottons only dryer adventure,and im' sure he would untie me,we would go home and enjoy the free peanut butter with some crackers and milk and once again laugh at the futile efforts of the space monkeys to out wit me and 'ol sock. - rayyo77

I'd say, "I wanted Canola Oil, stupid fucks!"- SiNiSTaR

i would cum in my pnats at seeing a monke. then i would prolly pass out from the pleasure - shiz

Ummmmmmmmmmmm.........okay- harbingerofhell

I'd be *slightly* irked at my eyebrows and long head hair being gone. Took me awhile to grow those out after I went ag and shaved them myself. As for my body hair, well, I beat those monkeys too it. Unfortuanatly, if no one saw this incident happen, I think i would suffocate shortly. And then the worms would come. And I wanted to be cremated. Darn. - OutOfPeace

i would sing my favourite insane clown posse song- South West Suicide

Never have another stag night.- Cineworld Jesus

be pissed- kala

Well if space monkeys did that i would surely be pissed off and after i died of embarrisment i'd come back and build a flieing spaceship that looked like a dinasour and go up into space, capture the evil space monkeys and shave off all the hair on their bodies then hang them from a tree in front of alot of hungry tigers :)- Monkey123

I would be twitching for a long time about them licking my feet. A neighbor would walk by and see me there, pause for a few seconds, then run to the nearest manhole to throw up. The people at the house would see me (which happens to be a couple), come out, and I would say, "Hi, my name is Fifi Bracelet the Circus Poodle Lizzard! Want some waffles?" They would answer, "Okay! Want us to kick your balls first?" Of course I would say, "No, cause I'm a woman!" Which I am, literally. Then they would shrug and dig the large wooden stick out of the ground, then carry me inside and prop me up against their fireplace. They would make thousands of waffles, butter them, pour different flavors of syrup on them, then dump them into a giant bucket. They would start throwing them at me, aiming for my mouth but missing most of the time and hitting my boobs. The next day, I would be carried home by the space monkeys that took me away from the peoples house and thrown into my pool, where I would turn into a seal and start singing "She Bangs". After I crawl out of the pool, evil green worms the length of my foot would burrow into my eyeballs and take control of my body, thus turning me into a mindless parasite-infested seal slave. They would take me to their colony under the Earth, and force me to watch Yu-Gi-Oh until I would scream, "IT BURNS!! MURDER ME WITH A PAPER PLACE!!!" They would ignore me, though, until I said, "Hey, crazy worm thingies, I kinda gots ta pee. BAD." Then they would let me go, and I would frollic off into a happy medow of goodness, where I would accidentally urinate on a hobo's magazine filled with pictures of nude girls. The hobo would throw pink cake icing at my face, and then I would realize that HE IS THE PERVERT!! I would eat him and then kick a hole in a tree for no reason, then go join the circus, me being a seal and all. There I would play horns for rotton fish for the rest of my life. THE END!!!!! :8- GalaxyDancer

huh- chunky monkey

I got sexually aroused reading that, damn space monkey why you gotta look so damn fine... your on my mind all the time but you play those stupid games... awww.. you just be messin' wit my head... I'll have you, likes you want me to... cus baby I'll be your neekeed jesus figure with robust chip and dale... um.. wait im a chick... monogamy appeal... Cus, you can't leave me be, you comes all the way from space just to tease me wit those awful ticklish tails and those cream puuff eyes oh.. and that woolll how fiber optics have out done you by the thousands... giiirrrlll booooyyyy... whatever you are...nothing, I mean nothing will get chu offa mah mind. Tru dat ya'll tiggy tug snookies, tru dat. (I apoligize for spelling and grammer)- Gargle Cough Choke Die

cripes i am sad to say if they tried they would not like what i do monkeys in return.- ver

First of all space monkeys don't exsist, but if they did, I don't think they would want to see me naked. Pinned down sounds fun! I don't have hair but on my head. But I have thought of shaving my head, just out of curiousity of what my head would look like. And gross about peanut oil that can't be good for the skin. Licking my feet gross. Tied to a large wooden stick sound kinky. But, I would be naked in public so I would be embarrased as hell. But I would pray for some lady to find me and help me asap, Thank God he answers prayer. Hopefully sooner than later. - Mavis

them pesky kids from down the street wud probably walk by and shout nasty things lie"yo peanut face" or...."smelly peanut" or...."yo dude, how come u smell like peanut butter?" orrrr......."ull pay for this in a later life!i hope u know....youl come back as a peanut n im sure sum god damned squirrel is gna eat u!"- keli weli0

try 2 untie my self.- dumbo

They were probably confused by the way we worship sex and are completley entranced by its whim and direction... so snatched the most what we define as "hot". So it have to be a woman and it would have large breasts... which i have neithar of... no wait I'm a woman..., yeah, penis means man.. and vagina woman.. okay i got it... well the space monkeys are probably a little to impatience to get past all of angilina jolie security guards, so they probably just kidnapped the stalker in a tent outside her house, me,... so then, they bring a offering of peace by respecting our values(greased up hairless peanut flavoured fertile ladysome) in hope for a nice pile of sock monkeys and carts of bananas... hmm... i just hope its in angilinas front yard...mmmmmmhhhh-K/S

I'd scream- Khaki

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