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: January 2005 Results

What if you were a boring old painting hanging on some really annoying persons wall, and at night you were forced to watch them jerk off to photos of cabbages?

Haha, excellent. I would throw myself across the room and cut of his/her penis. That's right, penis.- Mort

what is this person, a rabbit? and why can't they jerk off to me? i'm so much better than a pic of cabbage, except you have told me that i am boring, so how can i compete with that? - okay

I would melt from the awful image of it!!!- InsaneEvilBarbieMelter

I don't know, it's late and I'm sleepy. Someone rub me.- Venomous

I'd watch so intently that they would get creeped out and sell me at a yard sale for 5 bucks, to an old lady who hordes stuff. Ah the Cleverness of me!- Eva the Goddess

Well, it has to be said that cabbages are just more attractive than genitals. Most people's genitals are foul.
- Mzebonga

well what could i do,,,, im a fuckin painting. id nock myself off the wall and kill myself by impaiing myself on his penis.- Dark-angel

I'm a painting now. That's interesting. Cabbage? That's even more interesting. Am I in the magical world or the normal one? Can I move? If so, I'll just leave. If it's the normal world, I'll have to kill myself, in whatever way possible.- bluemonkeyfearer

i would really like that and sometimes i would try to get off of the wall so i could get a better view.- b_write

Escape and burn myself unless I'm accepted into a museum.- Blah

ask what the fuck happened- heretic

mmmmm.... cabbages!- voggit

Yeah, I'd be pretty jealous.- j0eg0d

What a paradox. For you see, I am that annoying person whom jerks off to cabbage photography- weirdDAR

yea...i dont really know the limitations to what paintings can do, but i'd probably make an attemp to slit his throat.- SupraPhantom

i'd knock myself off the wall in the middle of one of their...shall we say explosions.. and break the glass on the frame so that they would have to remove me from my not so permanent place on the wall.- shwee

i would try and swinging myself off the wall and fall onto the floor which would probably be a better place to look- stopasking

id try to light myself on fire- silly bastard

I'd fall on him and then he could stop being a freak that jerked off to photos of cabbages and instead a freak that fucked paintings boring old paintings.- Crack Monkey Strikes Again

o.o;I'd rip out my painted eyes if that were possible.. or I'd just look else where than at their masturbation and scream inside my painted head... and then be scarred for life.. or jump off the wall into fire..- SG*

i would get a chubby and try to think of carrots which are much more sexy then cabbages but when i was frustrated with it all cause i was just a painting I would try to explode and catch the house on fire and burn it to the ground including myself, after hopurs of concentration though i would still be a boring painting forced to watch the perversion of annoying sickos who lived in the house, hopefully though he would move out into the cabbage garden and some sweet college chicks would move in and put web cams everywhere and walk around naked so they could make money.- thathinguywhois


I would gouge out my eyes and pop myu eardrums and go on a cabbage free diet.- weirdmonker

I'd fall on the floor all the time. That's right, I'd FALL on the FLOOR! But, uh, then the creep would hang me back up again. It really sucks being a painting.- McDiablo

Then I'd count the pubes on his testicle. Being pretty bored that'd seem like a good thing to do. Then if I got into some life or death situation where I'm tied down and the guy asks to tell him how many pubes are on his testicles, you'd be able to answer and live. -me

id fall off the wall- juggalo

i may be an old painting,but how could i get bored watching such a unusual way of dealing with no date,AND,NO WATER MELLONS!!!!!- rayyo77

I'd just be glad i wasn't the photos of cabbages - imagine all the nasty jism thatt might land on you.- SiNiSTaR

i would most likly hang on the wall and watch them jerk off....i a painting what am i suppose to do.- shiz

Holy shit..that's one of the most fucked up questions I ever did hear..... Who the hell came up with that one?- harbingerofhell

I would start making commentary on the event EVERY NIGHT. If they can't hear the language of paintings, I would force them to dream about evil cabbages biting off their wanks and regugitating it back up their bums. Then, I would sit back and wait as the wanker offed himself as he would now have a horrid phobia of his beloved. When the police came (as they would, the neighbors were allready beginning to wonder about the strange smell) I would be sold to a twice convicted illegal substance carrier. This convict, one day, would go on a strange hallucinatory mind trip, turning his focus on me. Now, to him, I am no longer an old boring painting, but the very image of his identity. With him, I will travel the underworld, witnessing events stranger than the question about monkeys. My final day will be spent, watching the now trice convicted, but escaped and in refuge in Columbia sleeping peacefully as the delicatly rolled cigar falls to the ground, sending the room, my dear misguided prison bird, and myself into a firey demise. The end. - OutOfPeace

i would turn myself into a roy litchenstien- South West Suicide

have a tug myself, cabbages are hot.- Cineworld Jesus

i'd laugh - kala

I'd jump out of the picture and tell them that they are freakey deakey weirdo's for jacking off to cabbage...i mean what the hell..cabbage? what kind of a crazy question is that anyway....- Monkey123

Me being a painting, I would have no say in the matter, and no way to shut my eyes. I would be a painting of a twelve-year-old farm girl sitting on an upside-down bucket in a pretty blue dress, my hands in my lap and also wearing black uncomfortable shoes. I would be a blonde with blue eyes. I hate cabages, though. (Not in real life, just in the painting.) If it just so happens my pal Zim would somehow spot me, he would hopefully use me as fuel to power a giant robot with ray guns. Then I would be burned, and would no longer have to watch the annoying person I used to belong to jerk off to photos of cabages. ^_^ ^_^ is my favorite smiley face, by the way. ^_^- GalaxyDancer

huh- chunky monkey

Probably become very concern with his erectial issues as time withers by in my plastic frame... count the moments it takes for him to cum, I'd say I'd be quite the specailist once I find the guts to leave after the world interchanging adjustment period last few dozen years enough to watch him die and cause him increadable paranoia... always moving to another room, smacking against the wall... hey i earned those moving skills in my human years.. I'm bound not to forget them. Well, anyways I'd spend time pondering such things as how does he deal with eating salads, and does any leafy vegtable with a vagania likeness get him going.. i mean broccilli reeeks bush and why not lettuce, I mean its kinda like a older womans vagina ... hellva lot tastier after all those vaginal infections and not being so concerned with value anymore anymore. Alot of time, time, to burn in murderous rage, arguements with the wall crowding my space... teasing other painting for blushing while he jerked it... hmm... wonder if he uses ranch dressing because of its white cumyness.- Gargle Cough Choke Die

depends whats the boring painting of???- ver

First of all I'm glad I'm not the photos, I would fall off the wall face down, and hard enough to brake the frame. So when they brought me to a frame/panting store to be fixed I would get lost so they wouldn't find me. I would only be found after they gave up, so the store can sell me to another less annoying person. - Mavis

i didnt know paintings had eyes.....christ...i feel sorry for the ones on my walls!!!- keli weli

stupid qwestion- dumbo

thats hardly a boring old life imagine the novel I'd write as he's tucked in a bed with a salad and I write the great canadian novel of "Green Man, when the flower wilts" It'd be a softcore porno of the groundbreaking sort exposing all people with veggie fetishes causing all vegetarians to suffer extreme ridicule...eee o h n o... and then the huge issue if- after we deal with interbreeding- they should be allowed to wed... cause some people dont know shit... yes sure, i just am eagar for tacos and colon inspections... thats what humans are about sheesh... sex sex sex, emotionally dead, and hormonally programmed... do you know the percentage rate of intersexuals... people with two genitals.. well its high, its high... grumble I'm to fustrated to presume,... not like anyones reading... fuck right. -K/S

kill myself, scream, die. etc.- Khaki

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